July 12, Friday 2001

As I learned of John Schneider’s secret that he was a fat kid in an interview on Larry King Live today I can’t help but be disappointed with his overall message. John says “If you have a fat friend you should tell them.” I think that’s just plain wrong. There is no person on Earth who’s fat who doesn’t realize it. This piece of information coming from a friend could push someone over the edge. John says he was prompted to change his lifestyle because his brother told him he was fat and he knew he wanted to work in the film industry and no one would hire him fat. That’s another devastating message! I say that more people of realistic size need to produce and star in their own vehicles. Because the industry discriminates against larger people doesn't make it the right thing to do.

Women have already received the message if they aren’t a size zero or three they aren’t worthy. I think it’s dangerous to have another celebrity telling regular folk that they need to be a standard size. Sure it’s guised under the heading of overall health but who in their right mind doesn’t realize this?

I feel that people of all sizes should be welcomed into the acting and film industry and not just to be the butt of cruel jokes. Of course this will take getting used to. I remember seeing plus size women in a modeling show on television. The shock of seeing larger women in underwear took a minute to digest because anyone who’s ever picked up a magazine has been trained to see that a size zero is the norm. I’ve seen black and white footage of holocaust victims who had more flesh on their bodies than the average fashion model.

How many of us women while online have received the typed question “ht/wt”
(height/weight) only to know if we give the true numbers we will be rejected outright? I’m the fattest I’ve ever been and I’m engaged to be married. I’m more content now than I’ve ever been in my life. I don’t think the magic answer is to “be thin at all costs.” That’s crap! Maybe more people are fatter now because they are seeing these images of people with zero body fat and they know they can’t compete so they give up?

I will never pressure my children to be thin. I will never restrict their diets. I will engage in physical activity with my children. I’ll teach them to swim, dance, figure skate and whatever else we decide to do. I remember my mother taking me to the doctor when I was very young because I did not eat what she felt was enough. I remember the doctor telling her or her relating the story of the doctor saying that “she’s fine leave her alone she’s not going to starve herself to death.” I just didn’t like most foods and I ate extremely small portions. I have to laugh at the irony of this now because my mother has
a very warped body image. You’d think she would have loved having such a tiny daughter. My mother’s always called herself “fat.” She’s never exercised a day in her life. She’s never been “obese.”

As I developed into a teenager I was thin, very thin and I know what I did to be that way I didn’t eat. I remember the headaches and my stomach growling. It was relatively easy to maintain my starvation diet while in school because if I skipped breakfast and refused lunch that left only one meal, dinner for me to eat. I’ve got a closet full of size three and size zero clothes. Will I ever fit in them again? I don’t know but I’m not going to throw them out just yet. I no longer have the mentality to starve. I never decided to be thin so that I would be accepted. I remember hearing some random guy in the mall one day say out loud as I walked by “she’s too thin!” I’ve gotten into the habit of eating more than one meal a day. I know the humiliation of walking into a store in the mall and knowing the salesperson is thinking “why’s she here she can’t fit in anything we have here.” Maybe one day I will learn to starve again and enjoy it but not right now. Right now I’m going to eat.