...jokes for itself?...
~ Two and two used to be four. Then they went on
the Jerry Springer show. Now it's,
"You did it with. . .HOW MANY~?!?"
~ Candy is bad. So is breathing.
~ The greener a vegetable is, the better it is for you.
The greener a vegetable is, the harder it stares.
The greener a vegetable is, the prettier it will make you.
The greener a vegetable is, the more it deserves to be shared.
I am going to share mine with you. (Feel pretty yet? Green??)
~ Jesus didnít say much. He was too busy promoting Peace, Love, and Forgiveness. Old
Testament didnít, so O. T. lovers tortured and
killed him. Then they tracked down his followers.
A few lucky sods escaped. Naturally, they
had to come out of hiding to hunt for eats. Jesus had said not to steal, so they disguised themselves
and went job-hunting. All the bosses turned out
to be Old Testament types. Do the math.
~ One thing about having Halfheimers, you donít have to. . .what ?
~ Most Americans made New Yearís resolutions. Can we help it if we have Halfheimers?
~ Authors get famous and end up with yachts and movie contracts. Read the sentence that follows "resolutions."
~ Make-up doesnít work as well as it used to.
~ The devil invented "exact same."
~ S/he did it on the exact same day that she made it impossible not to say "bottom line."
~ Parse the sentence, "S/he bit hi/r tongue." Now tell me why we donít switch to non-sexist pronouns. Got nothing to do with comprehension,
thatís for sure.
~ Remind me what "parse" means.
~ Add "whom" to "exact same." [Not every whom, dummy. Just those irritating ones that are only found in books. Who says "With whom did you go?" I will tell you who. Someone who don' have a Who to hang with!]
~ Whenever possible, a sentence should end in a preposition.
Make that, Whenever possible, a sentence is something that a preposition should end at the end of.
~ Something like that.
~ Clowns and jesters are looked down upon. So
are policew/men, firefighters, nurses, people who
shovel up messes that would kill us if allowed to
Pile High and Deep, artists [especially poets],
teachers, farmworkers, 'cet. If you cook or sew
or fix or mend or build or make the mistake of
caring for children. . .get the idea?
~ At least Martha Stewart worked. Enron execs andtheir ilk. . .never mind. Donít want to sully my keys.
~ Think I wonít do this again, youíre wrong.
~ Unless my Halfheimerís gets wor--. . .what??
(c) Phyllis Jean Green
(c) Peajay Gee