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Phyllis Jean Green

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· Carrboro Poetica

· Above and Below

· Spinning Straw: the Jeff Apple Story

Short Stories
· Scrawny Kid Clerked at Thrifty

· Euceless Laughs, Y O U Laugh {Capice?}

· This is Your Lucky Day by Euceless Liesalot

· Christmas Fax for da Broads in da Audience

· Flashing

· Owner Will Repair Kitchen Floor {flash humor}

· Courting Able

· Amnesty International Pressing for More Anti-Rape Legislation

· Bullying has no Place in a Democracy

· Calling Dr. Mengele, Calling Dr. Mengele

· Show and Tell by Karen Vanderlaan - Review

· Valley of the Shadow by Sybil Austin Skakle - Review

· Courage in Patience by Beth Fehlbaum -- a Review

· Heart Attack Symptoms Differ for Men and Women -- Read and Share!

· If you Have Been Kidnapped or Abducted --A Letter from Someone who Cares

· RICO for Kids - Help Missing Children, U.S.A.

· Reason to Celebrate! {re O N E's impact re suffering in Africa}

· Listen to Your Muse, Then get up an' do Your Thing

· Poem an Inside Job

· Vicks, Flannel, and Great Expectations?

· Rumor January 19, two Thousand Thirteen

· Snow Night with Bird

· Gunned Down

· Shape Shifter

· Fought Tooth and Nail, I Know You {for Ellie}

· Night-Light

· We are Here to Tell You

         More poetry...
· Featured in Creative Thinkers International!

· Second Appearance in Leann Marshall's Sketch Notes

· New Appearance in The Yarn Spinner

· Bullying has no Place in a Democracy Featured at Creative Thinkers Intnl

· Poem to Appear in Sketchbook

· Poems to Appear in Sensations' 21st Century Issue

· In Richard Lee King's The Price of Freedom

Phyllis Jean Green, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~More Immature Humor by 'PeaJ'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>

† † † † † If I was a hit person, my freebie list would include Grammar Police
who are hooked on “whom” and “If I were.” But the sadistic twit who invents age ranges for craft kits would definitely come first.

† † † † † “Easy for a 10-year-old," indeed!

† † † † † Before going over the tragic details, let me assure you that I
will never be a hit person. I mean, have you looked at the application? Naturally, bureaucracy has stuck its l3-toed feet into the profession’s affairs. For example, “In order to operate as a hit
professional, you m u s t maintain valid membership in BYADA {Bang You Are Dead Assocation}.
Now get this. It costs $500 a pop! Excuse me, I meant to say a year. Among the other drawbacks
is having to be able to shoot some kind of gun. Pick out the right bullets or cartridges, et cet, et cet, yata-ya. What’s more, you have to show you can shoot without screwing up your face and falling down.
Seems a bit rigid to me. Fainting at the sight of blood is another no-no, if you can believe it.
And you have to be able to tell one kind of knife from another. These are just for starters!

† † † † † Okay, okay. Stop whacking me with that telephone book and turn off that big light. Send Bad Cop for doughnuts. I admit it! I do not believe in, nor have I ever believed in, killing. Hop over ants on the sidewalk. Deer stomp all over my yard, and I wave. I confess that when watching them dine on my rhododendrum buds, it triggers evil thoughts, but golly, gee, ever’ darn one looks like Bambi.

† † † † † Still, there are moments when I find myself thinking, “Maybe I’m not BYADA material, but I heard of a guy who heard of a broad who sells twofers. If murder in
the heart is a sin, I am right up there – excuse me, down – with Jimmy Carter [who lusted in his heart, if you will remember; bless his heart, if he had only known].

† † † † † Above is Eyes Only!

† † † † † Back to the main subject, have you ever tried to bead
microscopic beads into “an attractive and colorful necklace?”

† † † † † First you have to figure out how to pick one of the suckers up.
I have found that duct tape leaves a sticky residue. And there is the problem, of getting the bead
off the tape.

† † † † † Skinny wire is also involved. Need I say more?

† † † † † What it should have said on the box was, “Guarantted to make
a grown-up cry and gnash its teeth. Caution: protect your ears against bad words.”

† † † † † I know, I know, I know. You and ten of your closest friends
beaded belts for each other during a commercial break. Please don’t tell me again. I might have
to rethink my attitude toward authomatic weapons.

† † † † † Naaaaaa.

† † † † † But I know a guy who knows a broad who. . .

† † † † † How much does it cost to call New Jersey?

† † † † † † † † † † (c) PeaJ

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Web Site Author-Editor-Poet Phyllis Jean Green

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Reviewed by Debra Conklin 3/11/2004
Did we have too much caffeine today, Phyllis? :-)
Brought the smiles to my face.
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 3/23/2003
well done!!

Books by
Phyllis Jean Green

Carrboro Poetica

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Above and Below

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Spinning Straw: the Jeff Apple Story

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Humor Articles
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  2. Consequences
  3. The Toilet Seat Delima
  4. Stuff I Just Donít Get On Facebook
  5. The Element of Luck
  6. Marinating on my TV
  7. It's the Old Spice Guy: Look at Him, Now L
  8. The Atkins Schmaltz Diet.
  9. The 2000 Year Old Man
  10. A Really Dumb Joke #3
  11. Merry Atheistmas
  12. International Talk Like William Shatner Da
  13. Ten Signs It's Time To Take A Bath
  14. A Dog Story
  15. James Cagney&Bob Hope
  16. Really Dumb Joke 9
  17. Giving Directions
  18. They Were warned!!
  19. Sex, Girls and Me in the Fifties
  20. The Bible According to Kids

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