Thought you might enjoy hearing some good news...the bad news first.
For those of you who may or may not know, since April '07 I have been unemployed for the first time in my adult life. There has been no substantial consistent work for me since then. I have worked anything that I could find, mostly temp jobs at just above minimum wage-very humiliating to say the least, seeings how when I was laid off my job in '07 I was making $17 hr. and had housing to boot.
I have fought depression in a big way, and thoughts of suicide for the first time ever! Now I know why people do it, whereas before I never could understand it. Thanks to Tybee and a monthly full moon, I got past both of these elements. I knew in the back of my mind that all of this had a purpose and for sure there had to be a reason for all of it...I have served God for over 35 years and have seen Him do wonderful things in and through my life in spite of myself. Even though I still don't understand WHY, I have accepted my life as it is and continue to do something that thankfully God allowed my daddy life long enough to speak-"We just got to TRUST the Lord" were his words the last year of his life on this earth. Those of you who know daddy know that had to be a God thing, because daddy never voiced much of a dependence upon God because daddy was a very self-sufficient man, when he was sober. God, through Josh, took care of that part of his life many years ago. Daddy had an encounter before he went into sundowners dementia in '06 that transformed his way of thinking and prepared him for his eternal home.
In April, '07, I got a VW Cabrio, lost my job the next day, moved the next day...three weeks later daddy died, 5/7/07, two weeks after that, Josh came home ending up in a divorce in Aug., '07. June 2, '07, I awoke with the word "transition" going over and over in my head, feeling that it was relevant to vocation rather than location. But nothing substantial in the work arena developed yet. In December, '07, Josh helped me submit my poetry manuscript and began the process of publishing my poetry book, The "Spicer" of Life. Two weeks later I awoke one morning with a story in my head, thus the beginning of a novel I have almost completed now. And one night while walking the beach and asking God WHY? over and over, He spoke to my mind explicitly and said, "Don't ask why, just trust." This was a strong reminder of daddy's statement mentioned above. So now I just say, "Whatever" instead of "Why" when things happen that I don't understand, and add "I just got to trust the Lord".
In April, '08, a guy ran into my VW totalling it, and leaving me without a ride for the first time in my adult life, plus not enough to even payoff the loan (my first chargeoff). Thankfully Josh found a little '94 Toyota PU for $1,500 and he bought it for me. But still no work.
My poetry book was in print in June, '08, but I have not been able to promote it due to no financial stability yet. In Sept., '08, I stumbled upon HomeInstead Senior Care, and began working with them, again nothing full-time nor substantial in payscale. But the reality of the word 'transition' now, because I had never dreamed of doing caregiving for a living after having done it for years with mama and daddy.
Through it I have been able to again find ministry, just as my real estate had afforded.
In Nov., '08, after feeding mama supper at the nursing home and heading toward home, 4 deer ran out in front of my truck, busted the bumper, grill, hood and radiator! I had to borrow $500 to get it fixed. Then had to borrow $300 to get the water pump and thermostat replaced. Thank God for someone who cared!
In April, '09, took a leap of faith and moved out of living with Josh in Pooler to a condo on Wilmington Island, trying to get closer to what little work I had and also with the hope of finding more work. Josh borrowed some money and helped this venture take place, paying my rent for 4 months. BTW, rent is due in two weeks...and just when I thought maybe things were beginning to look up, end of June, '09, my truck died! Either blown head gaskets or busted head, water and oil mixing big time, truck won't run, $1,000 to $1,500 to repair! Bump that!
Thankfully, my cousin had been staying with me, which goes into another story not to be entwined here now, so I had a temporary ride. Had she not been here, I don't know what I would've done...Josh has no more money, neither do I, his hours have been cut to 30 a week, and I am still working 20 hrs. a week!
So, when I told Josh, he quickly asked, "Mom, where is God?" I told him in a matter of fact voice, "I think He's been on vacation for the past couple of years!" Of course, I had to repent for being irreverant, and replaced it with "whatever". I told him there had to be someone somewhere with a 'pay it forward' mentality. (Ever see that movie?-wonderful message in it, see it if you haven't!).
Well, now the good news!!! On July 3, '09, I had a couple from NC, whose mother had bought them a new car they are yet to get, told me they had a 2000 Nissan Altima that they had planned to sell to a lady in NC where they live...but they changed their mind and decided they were going to 'give' it to me so I would have a way to get back and forth to work and not have to worry about how I would make a car payment. (I now know the TRUE meaning of the scripture that says, "My God shall supply all your 'need'..." If we have the capability to meet our own needs, we don't need God to meet them, even though I have asked Him many times in the past to do so, but when He didn't, I would!! DUH! Not now! I had NO WAY to get myself a car--no way!
I still didn't know how I would make Aug. rent! Aug. rent??? Well, a guy who was working a job at Tybee and staying in a condo next to mine, wanted my truck for $400, so I let him have it. And a couple in Dublin who I had been consulting with AuthorHouse Publishers for paid me $500 for helping a 90 yr. old minister in Costa Rica get his first poetry book published! So, there's August's rent money!
Another lady who does caregiving called me this week, and has a job caregiving, 4 hrs. 4 days a week(this is in addition to my 20 hr. a wk with HomeInstead) plus she pays $10 hr. rather than $8, so that's going to give me money to cover my living expenses for the month! OMG!! How many of you would venture to this 'living on the edge' lifestyle??? Well, I asked for it, several years ago! If you will go to www.authorsden.com/donnasmullis, scroll down to my articles and read Living on the Edge, you will get a better understanding of what I mean by "Living on the Edge"! I have a poem on my list by that title and also another one "The Adventure"...these two are correlative! I didn't know they would be when I wrote them both back in the day when all was well with me, financially!!
So, say what you will about me for whatever reasons, but I stand on the Word of God in every arena of my life: "I know in whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day"..."And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose"...
James 2:14-18 speaks of this kind of life, so does I John 3:14-18...among many others throughout the Bible. If you don't believe me, then believe the Word of God...it doesn't lie!
If you don't have a test, then you don't have a testimony! But the more tests you have, the greater is your testimony of the faithfulness of God...His mercies are new every morning, His grace is sufficient for all my needs, His love is everlasting, and His truth endures forever!
On we go...