Okay, so I’m eight months between my seventy-fourth and  seventy-fifth birthday and what, I ask you, what's the alternative?

I am a healthy, though about twenty pounds overweight, man that still has all my hair... Well, almost all my hair that has become sprinkled with gray... Well, maybe a bit more than just “sprinkled with gray” that I actually like.

People meeting me never take me for my age thinking I’m... “Oh, my God!” they would say, “You can’t be older than fifty/fifty-five, possibly, sixty at the most!”

Which, of course, always tickles the hell out of me.

And – thanks to my inherited genes – it’s true .

I stopped smoking about thirty-six years ago, and ride a bike about eleven miles a day five days a week and still work a couple of days a week and... And this helps a lot, a real lot! I have a girlfriend that’s ten years younger than me.

My girlfriend happens to be my next door neighbor who happens to still be a “chick”... Well, if one can call a sixty-four old woman a “chick” or, for that matter, a “girl”. However, to me she is a beautiful, sexy, lovable woman that...  

Geriatric sex will be another, I’m sure, unbelievably interesting article.

Anyway, outside of two, to say the least, annoying symptoms of approaching – approaching? – old age  I feel really swell!

“Swell!” For you whippersnappers, “swell” is a word from the past meaning, “Great!” "Swell came along long before "cool". And I do! I do feel swell except for two annoying symptoms.

One of those annoying symptoms is I've always got to “go”... Which sometimes becomes annoying on my bike rides.

The second: I forget what the hell I’m talking about, sometimes in mid-sentence.

Consequently, I have become a huge buyer of “Post-its” and have them stuck in various places in my home to remind me of various things that I am to do... or have to do.

In my bathroom, on the wall over the toilet, I have two post-its to remind me what I’m there to "do".  

The post-its stuck on the wall over the toilet are there to remind me if I’m there to – although I use two other words –  urinate or defecate. However, what I can’t figure out is, why are clothes hanging from bars along the walls and shoes on the floor?