Join Free! | Login 

   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Billy Allmon, iHelen Vandepeer, iHank Nuwer, iJay Dubya, iDavid Humphrey Sr, iOwen Thomas, iDan Ronco, i
  Home > Humor > Articles
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Mark M Lichterman

  + Follow Me   

· 1,765 titles
· 5,370 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
Member Since: Jun, 2008

   My Blog
   Success Story
   Contact Author
   Read Reviews

· Becoming

· For Better or Worse

· The Climbing Boy

Short Stories
· BK1: Becoming; 1944#5

· BK1: Becoming; 1944#4

· BK1:Becoming;1944#3

· BK1:Becoming;1944#2

· BK1: Becoming; 1942#2&1944#1

· BK1:Becoming;1942 # 1 (Xrated)

· BK1: Becoming; 1941#2

· BK1Becoming: 1941 #1

· BK1:Becoming; 1940#3

· BK1: Becoming:1940#2

· A Jewish Boycott

· Betrayal in Benghazi

· Did You Know?

· The 2000 Year Old Man

· Social Security History

· Lost C. Burnett Skit


· J. Carson as R. Reagan

· The Pale Blue Dot

· Listen Old Timers

· Really, What If

· Words, I Need Words!

· Sex Now

· Smoke in The Wind

· Young

· Elderly Woman

· As Man And Woman

· Without A Woody?

· Nostalgia

· A Near Christmas Day

         More poetry...
· For Better or Worse now on Kindle

· Becoming Video Trailer

· Book Fair. Who's coming?

· Article in Ventura County Star 8/17/08

Mark M Lichterman, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

Books by Mark M Lichterman
A Doggie Dyed: Humor
By Mark M Lichterman
Last edited: Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Posted: Friday, February 20, 2009

Share    Print   Save
Recent articles by
Mark M Lichterman

• A Jewish Boycott
• Betrayal in Benghazi
• Did You Know?
• The 2000 Year Old Man
• Social Security History
• Lost C. Burnett Skit
           >> View all 395
However, just because we’re not all that young and still do goofy stuff doesn’t mean we’re suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia... Well not all of us... Well, maybe not all of us... Well, maybe not all of us, sometimes.

                                A Doggie Dyed 

                                 October, 2008


You whippersnappers think you have all the fun.


Well, sometimes us seniors can get a bit goofy also.


I live in an upper scale, single-story townhouse development north-west of Los Angels.


 Before I go too much further, please understand that, for me, upscale means that I was able to move in here about twenty-three years ago when it wasn’t considered to be all that “upscale”.


However, just because we’re not all that young and still do goofy stuff doesn’t mean we’re suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia... Well not all of us...  Well, maybe not all of us... Well, maybe not all of us, sometimes.


 Hearing a whole lot of barking one evening, I stepped outside to see what was happening and here’s one of my neighbors – a somewhat attractive lady of about sixty-five that still owns and runs her own beauty shop – with her little white Maltese- poodle type puppy that now has a black snout, black paws and a black tail.


Laughing, barely able to get the words out, "You got Lulu made up for Halloween?"


"No," said Vickie.


"She's got to see this!" I said. "let’s show Bonnie."


 Bonnie is not only my next door neighbor, but my girlfriend... I still have a hard time calling my sixty-four year old girlfriend "my girlfriend",  non-the-less she is my, uh, girlfriend and we both love dogs.


 Calling Bonnie outside to see Lulu, the three of us, Bonnie, Vickie and myself are all laughing at the sight of this little dog when...


"Well," I asked, "what happened to Lulu?"


"It’s like this," Vickie said, "I was dying my pubic hair..."


Too good to pass up. "You were ‘dying your pubic hair’?"


Okay, I know I’m a man and am not expected to understand all that women do...


 Hell, I’m a seventy-four year old man that can’t understand anything women do! But a sixty-five year old woman dying her "pubic hair"?   


Immediately a number of questions came to mind:


(1) Why in the world would a sixty-five year old woman dye her pubic hair?  And looking at the color of Vickie’s hair, which is – of course – dyed a kind of reddish blonde, and looking at little Lulu who now has black paws, snout and tail.


(2) If your hair is reddish blonde why dye your pubies black?


(3) How come at, age sixty-five, you’ve even got enough pubic hair to dye?


(4) The big, big question:


"What’s that got to do with little Lulu?" I asked.


"I was dying my pubic hair." Vickie repeated.


At this, "You were ‘dying your pubic hair’?" I asked. "Why?"


"I like my pubic hair to be black."


"Uh, this some kind of ‘makes you feel young’ kind'a thing?" Bonnie asked.


"No," said Vickie, "I just like my pubic hair to be black."


Being a man and knowing better than to question female logic, however, this being just a little too much, "Well," I said, looking at her head, "what ever happened to ‘a snatch to match’?"


"Hey," said Vickie, "no one’s looked at my pubic hair for years, so if I want to dye ‘em black, I’ll die ‘em black."


 "So," I said, "if it’ll make you feel better, being the good neighbor I am, I’ll be glad to look at your pubic hair."


After knocking me down, Bonnie asked, "So how come Lulu got dyed, too?"


"I was sitting on the chair brushing it on..."


"You got a special brush for dying pubic hair?"


 Shooting me a dirty look, "I was sitting on a chair brushing it on with the bowl of dye next to me on the floor," Vickie said, "and along came Lulu and stuck her snout in the bowl of dye knocking it over, and before I could get to her..."


Have to explain here: Lulu is one of those bouncing, hyper type dogs that always acts though she’d just had the ‘Energizer Bunny’ inserted into her anus and I could see her bouncing around, over and through this bowl of spilled black hair dye.


No! I do not  think Vickie has Alzheimer’s or dementia, but I do think she’s really weird!


I mean, this is a bit more than one has to know about a neighbor. You think?


And you youngsters think you have all the fun.











Reader Reviews for "A Doggie Dyed: Humor"

Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by Elizabeth Russo
LMAO! Did Bonnie get you with a right cross or an upper cut? LOL ~ So you got too much information from your neighbor eh? just shouldn't asked about her dyed pup! You're too funny Mr. Lichterman! Your friend, Lizzie
Reviewed by Carole Mathys
LOL...this is an absolute hoot, Mark!

Reviewed by Georg Mateos
That will be, I thought, a good lesson for an incipient to be member of the illustrious Geriatric Platoon that had not yet learned how to duck after asking a dumb question too near of a mean left hook from a girl friend not amused with your levity, Alzheimer or Dementia?
Perhaps both! ! ! :-) LOL


Popular Humor Articles
  1. Frog Heaven
  2. The 2000 Year Old Man
  3. Silverstream Made Goddess Status
  4. J. Carson as R. Reagan
  5. Like Grandma, Like Grandson and dealing wi
  6. It's the Old Spice Guy: Look at Him, Now L
  7. Giving Directions
  8. Psychology of Panties
  9. Sex, Girls and Me in the Fifties
  10. Stuff I Just Don't Get On Facebook

Fractured Frazzled Folk Fables & Fairy Farces, Part II by Jay Dubya

Farctured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces, Part II satirizes popular children's stories into adult-oriented renditions. FFFF &FF, Part II is also available in Amazon Kindle a..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.