We all have questioned at one time or another in our lives the real meaning of love and what it represents in the world around us. We look towards others to try and find answers that define truth of love through giving and taking, sacrifice and all the things people consider love to entail. There are even times when we think we are considering another in love which instead leads to displaying the opposite to what the person is wanting, only making evident the real fact that we do not truly know love and what it really means to understand it at the core of what it is.
We dream up scenarios of love making with people we want to get close to, we define that it is the feeling that makes us want to bust inside of our chest with laughter and happiness. Love then could be defined on all the moments that we feel happy and satisfied in our lives with the people we have around us and the things that we are doing. Love then is defined on moments of ‘self’ happiness, and this is the truth of the real core of what love is, starting within ourselves.
Love is defined on the inside of each individual in a separate way. It can hold to many forms of understanding that the person personally wishes and desires towards. It could be the small kisses that a person gives and the feeling one gets in knowing that that person has only eyes for them alone. It could be the knowing that a person is helping another and the satisfaction they receive within themselves for what they have done. They might see this as love, the level of compassion that is derived on giving and not wanting.
The thing that is never ventured into much is the real core of love, where it comes and how it truly develops. When we seek love outside of ourselves we try to understand it on the terms of other people and what they seek themselves to satisfy their own needs and desires. Where true love presides is deep in the core of our own very nature. When we seek to define ourselves outside of these parameters all sorts of issues can arise such as, jealousy, discontent and resentment, defined on our expectation that we have on others and what they should be giving to us in return. The question always then comes to a balancing point, asking where does true love come from, and whether it is ok to love ourselves. To love ones self then would be seen as inconsiderate and unjustifiable, only leading to wondering whether this is why a person is not loved by others because of their own selfishness.
Someone in our society defined on such logic as loving themselves is seen as egotistic and unrealistic, only ever focusing on the foundation of what they can themselves get in life and singularly achieve. What if this egotism and self satisfaction were to be seen in a totally different way and was instead defined on the truth of love rather than on a justification of love seen from righteousness. Showing that it is ok to love ones self for the very nature of what they want, giving true value to who they are and what they have to offer as a whole.
Imagine this scenario, that you are viewing a moment when you are giving love outside of yourself, leading to the event that you sacrifice even your last dollar to give it to a friend that only turns to you and says that what you give is not enough. What if you were to redefine this scenario instead to give love from the core of yourself, deciding that the only time that you are to give is when you know that you will not yourself suffer from the cause of the events taking place? How would this then redefine the situation?
If you show to your friend that you cannot give this money because it is your last dollar, if she truly valued your friendship, on a deeper level she would understand. When you take love back to base you show your friend that you define yourself also on love and consideration, which also allows your friend to do the same for her own reasoning. When a person can define themselves on love from within they then know that what they give is really out of what they truly feel and desire to do.
How can we define love for another if we cannot even define the meaning within ourselves, showing others what real love is and how it can be achieved. If a person were to show their life on value of themselves most often they would not proceed to give to another without the full awareness of the circumstances of what they have the ability to offer, this then does not pressure the other person to feel guilt, shame, resentment or fears.
Love should not be focused on in guilt or shame, or defined by pressures of expectation. Instead it should be defined within each individual separately based on the ability to love ones self. When we show that we can truly love ourselves for who we are and what we can give without feeling guilt, then we show others the definition of how to find satisfaction in life, and the personal awareness that love comes from within from the strength that we have individually to define ourselves.
If you cannot love yourself it will be harder for another to see this love also within you, they will look to all the things that you find as faults within yourself and wonder at whether you also see this within their body, personality, lifestyle or choices. They will question your ability to truly love from the core and understand what it is to love unconditionally without the need to have reasoning within giving and taking, or guilt based psychological events taking place.
Love comes from the core of ourselves and is felt from within, when we are happy, when we are satisfied and most importantly, when we are confident in all that we achieve and desire. The true love can only be felt within individually, and defines what love really means to us in value. It is ok to love ourselves, and in turn show others how it is to feel love for what it really signifies. The truth is that when we give to ourselves we also give to others, taking the pressure off them of expectation, allowing them to define their own space of love and creativity. We then no longer need barriers of expectation but instead what is given is truly what we desire and want in return.
It is ok to love ones self, and in turn show others what love really is and how we wish to give and receive it.
By Stacey T Pollock