Orignally posted May 04 at www.dcs-svt.com
I haven’t hung up on my wife in wow, months. In thinking about this argument in retrospect, it’s really quite funny. Of course, it never is at the time. But it is also an opportunity for me to stop see the bigger picture.
It is amusing to me that no matter how Zen I can be, my wife has the ability to pull me out of it in about three seconds. She called screaming, I immediately rolled my eyes. Tried to calm her down in my patronizing, your are insane tone. When that didn’t work and the insults began to fly of course, my temper peaked. I hung up. She called back. I continued to hang up. This went on about five or six times, until I answered. Now she’s trying to calm me down, I make a rude smart ass comment and hang up again. Eventually we stop acting like assholes and it ends in the admittance that she might be a little stressed and I might be a little on edge about the changes in our lives. I am relieved though to find it easier to apologize. To admit that maybe I was being a little mean, and perhaps I was a little careless with the matter she was yelling at me about in the first place. There are things that are important to her that just boggle my man like mind sometimes so they are dismissed which, is not necessarily fair to her.
Until just now, I also didn’t realize that my situation had bothered her. In regards to the people in our lives she has always typically been the one that is accepting, I was the one with the issue so its easy to forget that now that I’m actually taking advantage of it, sometimes the reality of our intentions hit a little harder than expected.
I don’t mind the changes, I really don’t. But when you’ve got almost ten years behind your belt and suddenly little things like “our home” is now, “their home”, well, its a little unsettling. Don’t get me wrong, I think its great, I really do. And I’m glad we had our little argument turned discussion today because it reminded me that my choices still affect her. And I was more than happy to sit back and contemplate afterwards that yes, while arguing I was mean (woman can push my buttons like nobodies business) afterwards it was easy to let that meanness and anger go. To not let her take all the heat for it and concede my own fault in what brought it about in the first place. I found it further interesting that I could not meet my image in the mirror, initially. I got back up and forced myself to look at myself, to forgive and let it go.
Why am I sprouting all this? Because I have learned that my wife can still affect on a lower vibration and that is no good. Though its not horrible considering how easily we cleaned it up this time. We both had some pent up energy that needed to be snapped out and it’s quite amusing that we can do that with each other. But, at the same time I cannot let someone else’s negative emotions, bring me to that same level. Especially when its the woman I love whole heartedly, that just won’t do.
When she reassures me of her affection and where I still stand in her life, the feeling it gives me has made me stop and pause on several occasions because I realized that I needed to hear it. That doubt and worry still lingered, though in very tiny tiny amounts. Those are just little gnats that I must push away, and I’m more than happy to take on that task. It was just a tad annoying to note but again, no surprise that I’m still working on fully opening up my lower three chakras.
I don’t know why its so difficult for me to stop defining things. The more we merge into these changes in our lives, the more I fear being put in this labeled box that’s brought out when it’s needed. This is what I get from you, and this is what I get from you, and this is what I get from you. I think sometimes I still seek a right answer where there is none, there simply is. Though that concept is a lot easier now to accept, I just have to remind myself. There simply is. Choices. Probability fields. Do what thou will. Period. And if I’m not getting what I need from A, I need only toss out my intent and B will arrive. And I have to remind myself that I’ll only attract the sort of energy that I’m vibrating so, if I seek that higher plateau I better put myself there.
And of course there are other issues to attend to. A friend who has been out of the picture for a minute has zoomed back in and I have a feeling it is because I set my intent to clear up the remaining blocks and she is definitely a trigger. Here it is a matter of being comfortable in my own truth and accepting that I don’t have to change hers. I don’t have to make her see it my way, and I don’t have to make her know that I’m right, and it’s okay when she is. It is hard to discern if the little ticks that sit at the back of my neck are coming from her, or if they are my issues being reflected back at me. Either way, I have to stop letting it irk me. It’s defiantly not as bad as it use to be, but those little gnats are still there that threaten my tranquility and that is a state I wish to learn to maintain no matter the outside influence. For example, she’s on a diet that I know cannot possible be healthy but, she is the child of the highly highly intelligent and she is of that academic class therefore my “non educated” ass can’t tell her shit. That irks the shit out of me and it should not. Her choices do no affect my world and whatever her attitude maybe towards me in that regard, I must not allow it to affect my bubble. So, her presence back in my world most defiantly is nudging me to start dealing with it. I’m going to try several things, strengthening my shields is one of them. Letting go of ego and the fight to be right will be the other. The latter really shouldn’t be difficult. I find it a lot easier now then a few years ago to simply let the tick go rather than dwelling on it. But my defenses still rise when she appears and I must do something about that as well.
I have a feeling the next few months will be prove challenging but are needed. I feel something sitting on the horizon ready to swoop in at me. Its like standing in front of an energy field that you know is going to cleanse you, it’s going to knock out your blockages hardcore and because I’m an all or nothing type of girl mine will be just that.
Watta to do list I tell yah.
And since we’re on this topic, take a look at the link below. It’s even got some scientific information in there for you skeptics.