Utopian love. Boy meets girl. Boy woos girl. Boy and girl overcome the initial obstacle trying to prevent their love from blossoming. Boy and girl have the most orgasmic sex in the history of mankind without every discussing their sexual desires. It's simply magical how well they fit together. Boy and girl live 'happily-ever-after.' Sound too good to be true ? It is. Consider it nothing more than Hollywood's overzealous and idealized relationship. Consider it nothing more than another Disney fairytale, only this one actually includes sex.
Is it safe and healthy to envision an ideal relationship or are we simply wishing on something that will never materialize?
Is your ideal relationship a love conquers all relationship perpetuated by Hollywood in films like 'Romeo + Juliet,' 'The Notebook,' 'Titanic,' and more recently 'P.S. I Love You,' where love extends even beyond the grave?
Movies represent love as an instant occurrence, never-ending and an unbeatable force of nature that one simply can not deny. When one impeccable relationship after another is impressed upon our minds, our unrealistic expectations increase exponentially. As a result, we desire perfection. We desire romantic mind-readers and mind-blowing bodies that perform sexual acts with the utmost proficiency.
Yes, there are those moments of instant attraction, immediate chemistry but how can you call that love? Take note of stories like 'Romeo + Juliet' or 'Moulin Rouge.' What is the likelihood of this becoming your real-life fantasy?
From childhood, we are brainwashed to believe in ridiculous notions of idealized romance and relationships. Childhood stories like 'Cinderella' and 'Sleeping Beauty' embody the misguided concept of the man who truly loves us coming to rescue us and prevailing over devastating circumstances. We, particularly women, grow up believing love conquers all and once we have someone to love us our own life will be complete. I believe Jerry McGuire said it best when he said, "you complete me."
One study even revealed that there is a direct correlation between total television consumption and partner/relationship beliefs. According to the study's findings, the more romance/relationship oriented the show, the more idealized partner/relationship beliefs. In these situations, there is also a stronger belief in mind-reading expectations, the belief that a disagreement in a relationship is destructive, and that fate brings together soul-mates. Watch out men if your woman loves her soap operas.
These notions of a hopeless romantic or being hopelessly in love also give way to the emphasis that we don't choose love and romance. How quickly do movie characters fall into bed with one another, how quickly do you? It is the idea that your sexual urges are overpowering and must be abated at once. You do not choose your sexual partners nor your true love. Everything is simply out of our control.
Or is it? According to 'The Law of Attraction,' you can attract your ideal relationship partner simply by putting out the right 'vibes' or energy. By shifting your focus and attention to what you do want and desire, you will be able to attract that which you truly crave.
To start, develop a list of all the traits and all the things you didn't like with previous partners. This is your 'contrast' list. Now go through the list and make each item a positive thing you desire. For example, if your previous partner never bought you flowers simply change your perception to desiring a partner who will bring you flowers as a romantic gesture. Change your focus to what you want instead of what you don't want. Whatever you put attention on is what you'll receive. Transform negative vibes into positive ones.
Is this even possible? To use vibes to hone in on someone who is ideally matched to you? Yet again, there is the notion that you have no choice, that you do not have to work for your ideal; that it will simply come to you.
Now, in the spirit of idealism, what is it you seek most in an ideal relationship? Be it a loving companion, a solid friendship, a strong sexual connection, a spiritual connection, or an opportunity for growth. Pretend you can have your 'happily-ever-after,' what is it you truly desire?