What was intended to be a 4-page article is turning into a book. Like writing a story, once you touch on the basic nodes or major points, information pours. Therefore excerpts will be posted here with a full version to follow in 2009.
Since most people like to read about the boy meets girl stories, this excerpt will focus on what might be considered the development of a soul mate relationship with whom I am told is my twin flame --the challenges met in the past and present-- and what this situation is doing for developing the skills (or curse depending on how you look at things) as an empath.
I hope to help people who are going through life wondering why actions they consider normal for themselves are so much different than what they see everyone else doing to accomplish somewhat of the same goals. In most situations, the “somewhat” is a polite way of meaning original or unique.
I was different than your average child. Teachers would tell me I was “special” not knowing what other label to assign me given my “unique” behaviour.
Life always brought a new experience, and I would express that joy of discovery whenever it was equal to or exceeded the need of restraint. The consequences seemed less severe than what would happen if I were not expressing my views as I always thought everyone else would want to know what I was seeing and experiencing. Of course I was wrong but I saw things differently, and that self expression was the cause of inner conflicts as I was quiet by nature, preferring to watch, experience, and learn instead of talking about it like most people prefer doing.
One year imagination and want to express it was more important than listening to teachers and doing homework. Under normal situations, a parent corrects their child and the child listens to their advice. I thought their advice was a mere excuse to make me work harder at learning something which seemed boring and much less fun than what my mind was telling me was more important.
Breaking Things Down
Content will be separated into 2 sections: a description of what was going on at the time, and then an explanation of the situation based on information provided by what the clouds were and are showing me, and information corroborated by fellow psychics.
Sasha and her Father:
The universe tells you to stick around upstairs for something important.
The telephone rings and your mother answers. Within seconds she sounds surprised.
You make yourself visible. She spots you. “It’s for you.”
You approach, seeing her baffled, and pointing a finger in an encouraging direction in the neighbourhood.
“Hello?” you say with great anticipation though you try to hide it.
Your neighbour, Rick, on the other side of the court is calling for you.
The display is showing “unknown number” but the universe is suggesting that means unlisted.
You sense constriction around Rick. He mentions your conversations with him about what you do as an admin support, and he wants you to explain that to his daughter, Sasha, the one with the striking blue eyes, bright smile and body of a goddess.You always wanted to chat with her for more than a few seconds those few times you bumped into her during a walk or while taking the same bus.
You agree to go see them, trying to downplay the situation.
Rick meets you at the front door. You stop yourself from making believe you are there to pick her up for a date.
You see clouds around his head, and rear end, and know you would be stupid to mention that to him.
He walks away calling for Sasha while you remove walking boots (you walk a lot to soothe hypertension) and stay at the front entrance. You feel like a movie director behind a camera anticipating the entrance of the princess.
Within moments Sasha appears from downstairs, wearing a powder blue pullover sweater and white pants, and carries herself to fit the part. Her clothes appear one size too small for her.
She invites you into the living room.
You sit at a chair not meant to be comfortable. She sits across from you on the couch. Rick appears from the other side of the room, sits on the arm of the couch, and watches you both intently.
You want the empty spot beside her. You work hard at finding the correct questions to ask, feeling on guard all the time, and thinking she must be a model or working sporadically for some segment of the movie production industry. You know from past conversations with Rick, her uncle is an up and coming movie producer in Canada, though you would want to approach him only to be closer to her.
You ask Sasha where she was working.
She says a retail store, but looking for better pay and better work conditions. She mentions the threat of charging her employer with harassment.
Her voice is hypnotic, and given the balance of her attributes, the universe confirms the type of harassment.
The universe also tells you her voice is like that only when attracted to a man, and the more you talk, the more she seems to squirm and smile. You want to ignore Rick who clears his throat and seems concerned with her behaviour and how encouraged you are by her reactions.
Somehow the discussion winds itself to the mention of holidays, and she asks, in a blurted way, when you will be taking yours. Rick shifts, and the clouds around him are swelling, but you feel proud she is taking an interest in your personal life.
What is going on:
Rick knows Sasha is special, as does every other biped male, and she is magnet for attention. An unlisted number is his way of stopping potential suitors from calling every name in the phone book, hoping to find him, and subsequently, her. The universe advises you Rick is allowing you into his world for specific purposes only, and you feel that restrictive energy when he talks to you. The universe is telling you to watch yourself.
The clouds on his rear are a metaphor for him being busy. The cloud around his head is for a collection of things --which you are told are taxing him-- ranging from household finances to worries in anticipation of what you will do while in his house and around his daughter, and you saw the clouds grew more intense after you walked in.
He meets you at the door, wondering how Sasha would have reacted had she opened the door to a boy.
He sits in on the meeting, thinking you might attempt to seduce his daughter after meeting her. She is already interested in you, and months later you will find out she has been watching you for a long time, the way a woman looks at a potential mate. You bumping into each other the odd time was the universe making sure you maintained a connection to her, and that worked as you thought about each other for hours, if not days after each encounter, hoping more would come.
Sasha and the skill:
Months pass without word on how she is doing. You send her an e-mail or 2 asking about her success at office work.
You stop after 2 e-mails, not wanting to appear obsessive.
Combine natural hyperactivity, the energy you spend at wishing to see her again, and unexpected drama in the family, you develop shingles, and are bedridden for a month. More physical pain than you can remember from any migraine where your vision blurred to purple. Sleep comes when you are too tired to fight the pain from the open sores which feel like giant craters: the price of being a visual person with a fertile imagination and hypersensitive to almost everything.
A month later you meet Frank, your next door neighbour at the bus in the morning, your belly tender from the battle, and looking forward to casting the feature movie you plan on putting into production in a month.
Frank likes to talk, and you have seen him command a room with his baritone voice.
Sasha approaches the stop with vigour and the universe tells you she can handle herself. She smiles cautiously, grabs your senses and seems to touch your heart by merely glancing at you.
You want to pretend the moment is insignificant, but the renewed attraction feels too inviting to ignore.
Every second of eye contact generates what feels like electricity. Your mind jumps to 3 months before, remembering vividly her, squirming, while you rambled on about working in an office, and her asking you when you were going to take holidays.
The universe also makes you remember the few conversations of the past 5 years, the time you felt you needed to talk quickly for fear of boring her. You also remember those few moments in the past when you were frustrated at the number of passers-by who could grab her attention for that split second, taking it away from you, and you were suspicious, thinking these people were out looking for her. You felt like the universe was acting on her behalf to send out signals she was out in the open and ready for attention.
Now at the stop, in her mid twenties, and wearing what appears to be a negligee with jeans, and you wonder how a person of her physical appearance and charisma is doing in a neighbourhood you consider middle class.
What is happening:
You met Frank 20 years earlier when he and family moved in next door.
You bought his 12-string guitar when you were 16. It helped you to write and record a song in professional recording studio when you were 24. It was to celebrate your parents’ 25th wedding anniversary.
You helped Frank haul equipment when his daughter, Judy, was an up and coming singer songwriter. Frank will serve as friend and the logical view of things over the next 2 years.
Your belly bears red patches; remnants of open soars from nerves pushing through flesh and being exposed, a contagion known as shingles. The pain was constant and excruciating for 3 ½weeks. That pain will serve as a test for what is to start soon.
Sasha, a goddess --at least in your eyes-- is taking the bus, feeling freedom for the 1st time in years, which she demonstrates in her choice of clothes.
The universe is giving her the chance to connect, finally, with you, and you always drew her attention, but she was always too afraid to approach due to a control factor, and he will cause much havoc.
Glances from you at the right moments confirm your attraction to her, though she is baffled as to why she is so attracted to you, and in a year you will find out that bothers her.
She wants to talk to you, but she wants to take her time and not think she is an easy catch. Besides that, her sign in Chinese astrology, the Monkey, allows her an air of superiority to the point where men will fall at her feet for her charisma and physical appearance. She would be more comfortable in dismissing you as a cute guy who will fall for her automatically as does every other man, but something about you touches her in ways only daydreamed about, but never believed could happen. Conditioning from a controlling figure in her life will be her ultimate suppressant.
Love Interest and the skill: (Cont’d)
You think imagination about her charisma is running wild until you notice Frank enjoying the stealthy quality of sunglasses he put on moments ago.
You think she might be enjoying his attention more than what you could offer, but as though by magic, you feel your attention being drawn to her again. She confirms that attention by smiling sheepishly, as soon as you look at her, and she is looking in the direction of what will be the oncoming bus.
Frank works for a branch of the government dealing with security and law enforcement, and he asks her if she is watching over the house for a while.
His question surprises you, wondering why a neighbour five houses away and out of view from her would pay attention to details like that. You think a question like that will make her leery.
She says she is watching over the house while her parents and family are on holidays for 2 weeks. He suggests, half jokingly, she can throw a party without her parents knowing about it. The universe tells you her parents’ being away is the reason for her choice of liberal clothing.
What is happening:
Frank is confirming what the universe is telling you. Sasha is a knockout, enjoying the attention and the temporary freedom. She knows you are connected in one way or another to her soul for how quickly you turn your eyes and connect to her again. You can feel it in your heart and she can too. It also brings her some level of satisfaction knowing she can control you that way.
Frank wants her attention for a few seconds as any male would of a beautiful woman, and he is showing his gusto by way of flexing his observational muscle. You see his eyes undressing her repeatedly, focusing on upper body…
After the 1st Morning Bus Ride:
…You jump off the step and walk quickly, trying to catch up to her. Within 3 seconds, the universe suggests you look at a blond of average physical appearance, could be 30 or 40 something, close to your age, headed for a coffee shop at the corner. You see a big white cloud of chaos condensed at her head or crown chakra, and confusion spread in an imbalanced way throughout the other chakras. Your attention returns to Sasha. The clouds seem condensed, but balanced and well spread out throughout her body. You ask her where she works. She says the British Embassy. Not surprising, though to your knowledge that building is located in another part of the city.
You ask her what bus she is taking to go there. She answers like she memorized the directions, starting from her parents’ house, and saying that while staring at you. You swear you are looking at the eyes of an 8 year old. You bid her a good day. She responds like her answer was rehearsed.
You go your usual route to work wondering about the encounter, not remembering her face. But you will not stop thinking about her magnetism. You feel something like a switch was turned on, and that power will serve as fuel as you dredge through paperwork at the office. Your senses are tingling without knowing why, but something about your encounter with her is haunting you.
What is happening:
Sasha is extra special and the universe wants you to see why. Energy flows freely through the 7 chakras when a person is balanced. When a person is imbalanced, energy bunches into a few chakras, leaving the others depleted. In this case, the universe is showing you a woman with a depleted heart chakra and high congestion in the crown chakra, and additional visuals provided by the universe suggest she went through a troubling evening the night before, shaking her self-confidence. You look at Sasha. Her chakras are balanced and strong.
She is to start work at the British Embassy. Another confirmation of her charisma which led to that privilege, yet the universe draws your attention to the way she answers your question about the location.
“I take the bus from home and go to Slaitor Street, and walk one block my work.”
The universe wants you to remember, when people are under extreme stress, they remember instructions in their basic form. You are tempted to ask what is bothering her, but when only on your 2nd day of talking to her, you want to avoid prying too much, and the universe is warning you to give her room. Something personal is bothering her and you are not allowed to know that right now. You accept that answer, understanding the rules associated with reading energy as an empath.
2nd Day - Connection alive and strong:
You spend the day dredging through paperwork and taking the odd minute off to record the moments of great warmth and then great sorrow you feel are related to her. The other moments are visions of you to smiling at each other, eager for the day when friendship will lead to something else.
What is happening:
The extremes in emotions are new experiences for you. Under normal circumstance, you are neutral or happy; no reason to be depressed or stressed about anything. Therefore you assume she is going through these emotions and you are feeling them.
The universe is letting you know since you are the empath, you will serve as the release valve she will need when purging the negativity she builds over the day from being a psychic. She, in turn, will make you feel happy and settled by being around you. She completes you in every way.
Afternoon bus ride:
You are at your usual spot. She approaches from the distance, and spots you. You want to reach out and hug that beautiful body but the universe shows you restrictive energy like a warning sign. You can guess she spends a good part of her day warding off every male who makes eye contact with her pretending to want to show her something.
She stops beside you, turns to face the same direction, rummages her shoulder bag and pulls out a package of cigarettes. She takes one, lights it and you can see and feel a slight dip in the tension in the energy around her. You want to go out of your way to be of help to her. You care about her. You offer her a stick of gum but she raises her cigarette and smiles.
“I’ve got something for you,” you tell her, pulling out the list of emotions and times when they happened.
She takes a long time to read them. She denies a few of them though you feel she is hiding something.
“I’ve also got a list of predictions for you.”
She half smiles focusing on the list as the bus glides in and commuters rush to the front door….
What is happening:
The symbiotic connection is at work like a beacon. You know she knows something is going on, but being that magnetic and proud, she will be subtle, calm and never admit to being drawn to you due to the connection.
Her energy waves caution for most males who can see it, but you see it more like herneeding help. She lives in an environment where controlling men are buzzing around her all the time, and that happens within the 1st few days of any job she begins. But you know and feel you were meant to help her, and she knows that or else she would not be standing beside you. The start of unconditional love, at least from you to her.
She denies the sections of the list which hurt her too much to admit, moments such as the deep sorrow when she was reflecting on the abusive days with her former fiancé, to happiness, like how you are treating her right now, and how much she wants things to progress between you.
…You wait patiently for her at the stop, wanting to discuss the reasons why you think her former fiancé is wrong in suggesting your views about Masons are incorrect.
She steps out of the house --One more vehicle in the driveway-- after the weekend her parents returned from holidays, and she walks quickly to the stop. You are preparing your defence but seeing her in a sparkly silver business suit takes you by surprise. Much less liberal than any other ensemble she wore during the previous 2 weeks.
Being exhausted from the constant feed of emotions from the connection to her --and it seemed to intensify as of the weekend-- you make the mistake of whining about her former fiancé, wanting her to understand your point of view.
She appears distracted and uncomfortable. You lean to her, ignoring the warning in her energy.
“He says you’re wrong,” she says sternly, “and I can tell that you’re at a much lower thought pattern than he is, and you will never be equal to him.”
The proverbial slap.You feel a reversal of energy from her, and you sense you lost something valuable. The universe tells you something is completely wrong with this situation but you are powerless to change the conditions.
“But I was only trying to help you,” you insist as the bus arrives.
“I don’t need your help! I can do things by myself!” she barks.
She enters the bus, takes the usual spot but changes her mind and storms to a seat beside another pretty woman she recognizes. They start a conversion while you feel naked sitting alone in the spot where you were sitting together the previous week…
What is happening:
She changes her attire after being reprimanded by parents for attempting to leave the house like she is working as an escort. She is told to avoid talking to you, as psychics are weird people and not to be trusted, though she told you the previous week her father had ridiculed her for being one.
She told her father she wanted to develop a relationship with you, but Rick and mother Rosha are following their agenda, which means they will be controlling factors in her life for some time to come.
She is too angry and frustrated by her circumstances to do anything other than say your perspectives and beliefs are inferior to those of her former fiancé.
You are already exhausted from the connection to her, therefore being stripped of your confidence is a jolt. You want to step off the bus and return home to mend your wounds, but how could you account for taking a day off when your wounds are strictly of a spiritual nature?
….. You sent her an e-mail asking how you can make things better. You open the reply e-mail noticing Rick answered for her. He states he thinks you need psychiatric help for having written such disturbing information --the predictions-- for Sasha. At 25, you think she should be more in control of her life and know the difference between information meant for her eyes only, and information to be shared with her parents. An additional note from her e-mail account arrives with enough filth to make you afraid of meeting the person described.
What is happening:
You read the e-mail from Rick and it feels like a death threat, with more accusations and insults than you thought possible from him, especially for the times when you rode the bus together. You will learn he is a master manipulator with an uncanny ability to scare people, and prefers her to be single and remain his “little girl”.
You read the response and feel a knee jerk reaction to things. The writing is in a different language than you remember her speaking, and most people tend to use the same language when writing or talking. It may be more formal in written form, but each person develops their own dictionary or thesaurus for words or expressions not used during conversation. You feel a control factor in her writing, like her parents were over her shoulders and dictating the response. Fellow psychics corroborate your views 2 months later.
Haunted by the Connection:
Two months later you receive the response to the letter you sent to a dating agency based in the US dealing with Russian brides. You hate to succumb to your pride and prejudice, but most women around you pale in comparison to Sasha, the person you thought was your soul mate. The picture you received of your potential wife from Eastern Europe makes you wonder why every other eligible male in North America is not doing the same thing.
The woman you selected lives in the Ukraine and is about 7 years older than Sasha, and her maturity is reflected in her expressions (or as best as possible by the person translating her letter from Cyrillic to English). You want to believe she is writing truth, as that matches your goals, and you are attracted to the beauty embellished by the professional studio where she was snapped. But that sparkle in her eyes is not the same as the connection you felt with the goddess, though right now, that term seems an ill fit.
Sometime after that, you begin to plan your strategy for the trip to the Ukraine. But without warning, Sasha returns to mind with the strength you felt the day you talked to her about office work. You ignore the vision, attributing it to your mind regretting the day you gave her the predictions and admitting you were to turn 43 in a few months. But the vision will develop into a pattern of visions, and continue to grow more intense.
What is happening:
The universe it telling you joining the dating agency was a knee jerk reaction to her rejection you, or more like her parents not wanting her to be with you. She wants to be with you but years of conditioning is like brainwashing which explains why she answered you sounding at times like a child, sometimes like a teenager, and sometimes like an adult, depending on the complexity needed for the answer, or how flirty or serious she wanted to be with you.
The start of winter:
You balance your time between work, family, writing letters to the woman in the Ukraine, trying to set a date for meeting her, and contending with visions of Sasha who appears in visions at regular intervals during the day, and the continued feeling of the ghost wedding ring which appeared after the 1st weekend of talking to Sasha.
You contact other psychics, half hoping your imagination is running wild. That way you could take medication to compensate, but also hoping all is true and life can resume its former course, which would mean a relationship.
Psychics confirm your soul mate connection, but they advise a dark force is repressing her, correcting her views on life. You ask them how long she will need to break free of the grasp. Answers vary from a few days to a few months. They note time is a difficult thing to predict since she controls her free will and it appears suppressed.
You ask them if sending her letters would be a good idea given the tone of their past correspondences to you. The psychics suggest notes from you would change everything, as she would respond with happiness and ask to meet with you to fix your situation. With that encouragement you go to the web for free Christmas cards, send her one, and prepare an e-mail with a list of funny New Years resolutions you plan on making in January.
What is happening:
Christmas is coming and Sasha is daydreaming about being with you for the holidays.The psychics are seeing the energy around your situation as being superb for a relationship to take root. She is in love with you and cares deeply for you if she could only take responsibility for her ambitions and goals.
You are taking action on what your fellow psychics are seeing, which confirms what you are seeing and feeling. Unfortunately, you ignore how much stronger fear from her father is as a motivator to the love she feels for you. Rick will eventually unleash his wrath on you when you attempt, again, to correct the situation with Sasha.