It seems that a person’s words, much like 2% milk or a five year automobile warranty, have an expiration date.
Thus content must be closely considered closely during pointed conversations where declarations of feelings or intent, impending plans or relationship status have been discussed, as there seems to be an implied deadline.
I remember a friend’s recounting of a conversation she had with her recent “X” that both puzzled and humored me; puzzling as the affirmative declarations of affection and continuity during the relationship were in direct conflict with his lack of follow through and subsequent termination of the relationship. Humorous as you will note the adjective used to describe her “X” is a one word name, with no verb following suit to lend clarity or defining status.
According to her “X”, (he is now merely her “X”, not ‘X” boyfriend) though he fondly referred to her as his “girlfriend” throughout the course of their relationship, post break up, he clarified that they were never really a committed couple. They were merely “seeing each other” casually and thus he is truly not her “ex boyfriend”. It seems he was “confused” and that she “read into things.” Yet she is possession of sufficient auditory and verbal faculties to recognize and process his exact words at the time. Nor is she a simpering girl to read volumes into simple words or gestures. Trust that she did not misunderstand him. In retrospect, what she should have done was to ask for the expiration date attached to his words, to determine longevity and validity.
They say hindsight is 20/20.
I return once again to the old adage, “say what you mean and mean what you say”.
Apparently he subscribed to the cliché of “I meant it at the time”.
Women and Men are both guilty of this. Impulsive declarations of affection provided without consideration beyond the moment (sometimes inspired by Jose Cuervo or an intense make out session) do often result in false hope and mixed perception. Worst case scenario you end up with midnight text messages, and dead rabbit stew reminiscent of our favorite stalker movie, for not truly meaning what you said “beyond the moment”. .
Some things to consider…
If on a first date, he tells you that he can see a future with you, ask him to clarify if that extends beyond the next 24 hours period after his proposed “night cap”. If after this he relents, perhaps he meant it but only “at the time”.
If she tells you that she feels a “close connection” twenty minutes into initial conversation, affirm that she will continue to feel this after you stick her with the bar tab after 15 more minutes have elapsed.
Don’t put too much stock into something said “at the moment” but rather consider the long term follow through to assess validity.
The small and simple moral to this story is, always consider your words and the impact, for the short term gratification may not be worth the long term and possibly negative affect on the person’s state of mind, and your own conscience..