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Carla Landreth

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Everything Has an Age Limit
By Carla Landreth   
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
Last edited: Thursday, September 16, 2010
Posted: Thursday, September 16, 2010

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Texas author Carla Landreth tell what is on her mind in a comical way looking at rural life and people in general.

     There comes a time in everybody's life we have to accept the fact we are older. With age comes letting go of the past. Like going past it's expiration's date, you need to throw away or at least put it up in a box to bring out later to share memories with your grand kids.
      So what is it that needs to go to the attic as they say? Well, Carla is sounding off on this and hopefully some of you will catch my drift.
     The first thing that needs to go is halter tops. Sorry, they are only good if you are pencil thin and have Heidi Klum's body or not past the age of twenty one, possibly twenty three, depending on how you are doing body wise. It irriatates me to see these over weight, middle aged women putting on these halter tops thinking they are still young. It's nice to think you are young, but wearing your daughter's or grand daughter's halter top? Also tube tops are a no, no. Don't forget what comes with age. Whatever wasn't sagging before is now rushing to go south. We don't want to see it.
     Makeup is great to hide the flaws that age has given us, but do you really think you need that eighties blue eye shadow, bright red lipstick or that bright blush? The answer is no. You have no idea how much you look like a clown coming down the street with all that bright stuff on, it's scary. Add the big teased hair and you definitely look like a clown.
     Speaking of hair, big teased hair is out unless you are trying to hide the balding spot on the top of your head. Then a good hairdresser knows a few tricks without you looking like you belong to the Happy Beehive Club. Color is an issue. Believe it or not the older we get our hair color is not suppose to be the same as it was in your twenties. Hair color needs to be chosen carefully not what looks good on the box, which means stay away from the coal black or the bright red you are fancying right about now.
     That perfume you wore in high school is no longer in style and please don't go for that stuff that smells like baby powder with flowers, what we call old lady perfume. It may turn grandpa on, but guess what? The rest of us are suffering two isles over.
     The casual dress you wore when you were a teen and got you the Most Best Dress award at high school, doesn't mean you should carry that style up into your older age. I'm referring to those ladies and men stuck with the seventies polyester suits, sixities micro minis and the Madonna look. Don't you just hate it when someone who is dressed like this says, "Everything comes back into style." Obviously we haven't been reading the complete article in Cosmo when it said it had been reinvented.
     I remember an old woman in our community, Mrs. Green, she was about seventy at the time and she was a huge embarassment. But in her little mind she was still Mrs. Robinson. Wearing the big hair, bright makeup and yes, those halter tops. I won't mention the Daisy Duke shorts that only showed her wrinkled legs, saggy ass and high heels to boot. Eveybody in town used her in a joke and when Tammy Faye came on we weren't shocked as rest of America. In fact we thought Tammy was a little tame compared to Mrs. Green.
     I remember how many times she went for the men in our little community. The women found it amusing as this little old lady flirted her way with their spouses, boyfriends, dads, brothers and uncles. There was no age limit as well, ask some of the young boys who worked at our local grocery store (sorry Steve) who was honored to carry her groceries out to her old Buick. The woman, herself thought she was a cougar and the town saw her as a joke and harmless.
     Recently however in my little town I am seeing more and more of these little ladies on the move and it's scary. At first I thought it was just my little town, I was wrong. It's hitting all of the little towns of America. It's and epidemic. I'm here to tell you please, please control yourselves. Everything has an age limit and I wish you all would see it.
      If you still want to dress this way after I have said you look embarassing not only to yourself but to your family and friends, then I suggest you get with your significant other and play games in the bedroom. Everybody like to play fantasies in the bedroom. Like, what character am I? Like I said there comes a time when age limit plays a part in our decision making as we get older and I think its high tide you think before you put on those things for everyday use.

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