edited: Thursday, August 08, 2002
By Diana R Black
Posted: Thursday, August 08, 2002
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This is the last entry in my journal (so far) about my dad's illness and death.
Sent: 1/24/2002 2:06 AM
The day after my dad died, I was informed by my sister that he had left everything to her. I knew this was coming, and yet, my heart sank. At one point he told her to give me a fraction of one of his life insurance policies. He told her (this is all coming from her) that he never got over the fact that when my bio-dad was ill, I had gotten him into the hospital and continued to visit him until he died. And, to top it off, that I had accepted his old car when he died. I told Wanda, that everything from the bio-dad had been left to my mom and that mom signed that car over to me because she felt he owed me something for not being there for me as I grew up. She said that my dad was upset because I had welcomed Bob(bio-dad) into our family. My jaw dropped. EVERYONE in my family had welcomed him! Not just me! But, because I had his blood running through me that meant I had somehow denied my dad? No one even told me that my dad had adopted me til I was almost 23 and getting married. I don't understand the thinking at all. I've decided that I will just hope that wherever he went, that he knows what he did.......that it was hurtful and wrong. I have to let go of it. There is absolutely nothing I can do about his thinking or his actions. I'll make myself crazy thinking about it. So, then, Wanda proceeded to tell me that he had changed his mind just before he got so sick. He told her to give me half of the total of the policies. He left nothing to my children, yet he left half a house (paid off) and a new car to Wanda's daughter. He adored my girls and they adored him. They grew up with he and Mary. I just couldn't understand this thinking. Wanda has been generous with the girls, though. We found a coin collection......not organized......just stuff he would throw into a change purse..... and some paper money as well. She decided to divide it between my two girls and her two granddaughters. When we found out it probably isn't worth much, she added $1000 each to the pot. She gave my girls one of the three large screen tv's he had, plus let them each choose one of his many beautiful clocks. Amberli took some oriental vases and an ancient oriental jewelry box while Kori took the more traditional antique decorations and jewelry box. They are both pleased that they have something wonderful and something to cherish the memory of their grandparents. I only pray that they take care of these treasures. I entitled this "Surprises" because there were both sad and happy ones in this part of my story. You've heard the sad ones. It wasn't the dollar sign I was concerned with and unhappy about. It was the per centage sign. That he thought less of me as a daughter than he thought of my sister. It hurt. I still cry over that, even with the nice surprises being shown to me. Wanda, her daughter and I have been working hard to clean up and empty out the house. If any of you have elderly parents, you might know about all the things that accumulate over the years, a lot of it useless, including the dust. They had more Tupperware, pots and pans, dishes and silverware than anyone I had ever seen. Along with all of that came a lot of beautiful crystal and some wonderful oriental dishes. We found scissors, tape measurers and knives by the dozens, no exaggeration. You have NEVER seen such a stockpile of corelle dishes. They must have hit every garage sale, flea market and Salvation Army in Southern California. And CLOOOOOOTHES!!!!!! OMG! I'm sitting here wearing the last shirt he bought on our outing to the Base Exchange.....tag still on it LOL! Well, the happy surprise is that Wanda has offered for me to live in her home, rent free, til Crystal and her hubby can sell their home and move here. I have been trying for almost a year to leave my husband's home. After years of emotional abuse, I finally told him I wanted out and yet, could not get the resources to do it. This and the money from the insurance will give me a chance to get on my feet, get an attorney. I couldn't be happier about this turn of events. My dad knew that I needed to get out and encouraged it. He also encouraged me to go to Nebraska to be with Alan, but worried about me, native So. Cal-er that I am, in the cold. And, I will be going to Nebraska, after Alan and I take care of our legal issues. He is in the process, as I will be come this time next week. It took us awhile to get to where we are, but we are on very firm ground now and I couldn't be happier about that. So, the bitter with the sweet......I guess we can't expect anything different in life. I'm content with who I am and where I'm going. I'm really pleased that Wanda saw thru the fog of her pain to do the right thing. My sister bonds have grown stronger through this ordeal and I am VERY thankful to God for that. DI