The publication of Elizabeth Edwards’ new book, Resilience, brings to the forefront, many aspects of infidelity that often go unnoticed or ignored. Her candid interviews with Oprah, Matt Lauer, Larry King, and other talk show hosts also call attention to certain things about infidelity that are usually overlooked. Below are some insights gained from Elizabeth Edwards’ book, that other women dealing with infidelity should know.
1. Elizabeth Edwards Vomited When Her Husband Confessed His Affair
In recounting her reaction when John Edwards confessed his affair to her, Elizabeth said, "I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up."
Though it’s not often written or spoken about, it’s well-documented that infidelity victims often experience physical reactions such as nausea, diarrhea, gastro-intestinal disturbances, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, severe headaches, loss of appetite, and insomnia – just to name a few. These are aspects of infidelity that most people who have never experienced infidelity may not be privy to.
The trauma of infidelity can also cause many the infidelity victim to experience PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms such as depression, anxiety, raging anger, intense shame, guilt, hyper-vigilance, flashbacks, nightmares, and more. Because of this, marriage and family counselors are now beginning to use trauma-based therapies to treat victims of infidelity.
2. Elizabeth Edwards Does Not Mention Her Husband’s Mistress by Name
Although Elizabeth Edwards writes and speaks openly about her husband’s mistress in Resilience, she avoids mentioning the “Other Woman” by name. The one and only condition of Elizabeth’s print and broadcast interviews is the request that the interviewer not mention her husband’s ex-mistress by name.
There is nothing unusual about an infidelity victim’s refusal to refer to the cheater’s affair partner or lover by name. In fact, this is the recommended course of action for any woman trying to reconcile with a cheating mate. After the affair has been brought out into the open and discussed between the two parties involved, there is nothing to be gained by constantly referring to the Other Woman or Other Man, or bringing up their name.
For Elizabeth Edwards, or any betrayed wife to keep referring to the mistress by name, is to make her a part of the couple’s life and give the mistress more importance than she deserves. When trying to repair a marriage or relationship in the aftermath of an affair, the affair partner should be ignored. Both the cheater and the betrayed wife should proceed as if the mistress doesn’t exist.
3. John Edwards Did Not Tell His Wife the Whole Truth about the Affair
Even when John Edwards confessed to his wife, he lied about the affair, claiming it had only happened one time. In his original version of what happened, Elizabeth Edwards said her husband left out most of the truth. She writes, “It turned out that a single time was not all it was.”
If and when a cheating husband finally confesses to his wife, he’s likely to conceal many of the facts surrounding the affair. It’s not uncommon for a cheating spouse to make a ‘piecemeal’ confession, minimize his involvement in the affair, or to continue to lie about what actually happened until confronted with irrefutable proof. It may take several conversations to get the whole truth.
Why Cheaters Lie When Confessing Their Affair and How to Get the Truth
Why do cheaters lie or distort the facts when confessing their affairs? Some cheaters lie or omit much of the truth in a misguided attempt to spare the feelings of the betrayed spouse. Others lie because they think their partners are too trusting, or too naïve to ever discover the truth. Still other cheaters lie or obscure many of the facts because they have every intention of continuing the affair behind their partner’s back. Whatever the reason, it does not bode well when the cheater refuses to tell the truth. That’s why a betrayed wife should always have some method of confirming whether or nor what the cheater has told her about the affair is really true .
Some of these methods of getting at the truth are discussed in my Infidelity News and Views Blog at http://infidelitynewsandviews.blogspot.com I also discuss 3 ways to cross check some of the things you have been told by the cheater near the end of my free tip sheet entitled Is Your Spouse Cheating? – 21 Ways to Tell. To geta free copy of thistip sheet, e-mail InfidelityInfo.gmail.com with 21 Ways-AD in the subject line.
<b>About Ruth Houston: </b>
Infidelity expert Ruth Houston is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You?– 829 Telltale Signs which covers practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs people usually overlook. She has been researching infidelity for over 15 years.
Frequently called on by the media to comment on popular infidelity issues in the news, Ruth has been quoted in USA Today, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, the New York Daily News, Cosmopolitan, the New York Post, the Chicago Tribune, FoxNews.com, ABCNews.com, msnbc.com, Reuters, the Associated Press, UPI and numerous other print and online media.
Ruth has also appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, Fox & Friends, Fox News, The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, BBC, CBC and over 480 other radio and TV shows in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America, New Zealand, Australia, Africa, and the Caribbean.
To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston about the infidelity aspects of Elizabeth Edwards’ book, call 718 592-6039 or e-mail InfidelityExpert.gmail.com