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Joe Prentis

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by Joe Prentis   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Posted: Wednesday, March 31, 2010

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Does your career need a boost? Here are three things that will help you achieve success.


Bookshops are filled with books that offer to share the secrets of successful people. There are countless seminars that claim to teach the same things, but for a price often ranging into hundreds of dollars for a weekend session. I have known many successful people from all walks of life. There are three things that will guarantee your success, and I will share them without you having to pay a hefty fee.


(1) Be Attractive: You can never overestimate the value of being attractive. People are drawn to attractive people—doors are thrown open wherever they go. The cosmetic section of department stores are filled with products that will help you achieve that ‘look’ you desire, but there is no substitute for being born that way. I know a young woman who went off to college and majored in broadcast journalism. She got a job giving the morning news for the local television station. She soon advanced to interviewing the guests on the show, seated all the while on a high stool wearing a skirt that barely reached below her underpants. She has the best looking legs in a three state area. I suspect there is a position waiting for her in upper management.


(2) Pick Your Parents Carefully: This is one key to success that can’t be emphasized enough. Having the right parents guarantees your admission into a prestigious country club as soon as you can hold a tennis racket. Most really successful people graduate from universities like Harvard, Yale, or MIT. It  also helps to join the Skull and Bones society or the equivalent. There is a definite advantage in having your grandparents endow a wing of the university hospital if you are going into the medical field. Cash donations to the alumni or athletic fund never go unnoticed. You might want to remind them to send in their donation or make their endowment before you enroll.


(3) Pack Your Bags for Success: The most successful businessman in my area liked to speak to civic groups, at the high school, and the local junior college. He credited his success to having a job delivering newspapers while he was in grammar school. He never missed a delivery regardless of the weather or the condition of his health. He also liked to tell about his arrival in town forty years before with everything he owned in a small suitcase. I asked his grandson what his grandfather had in his suitcase. He told me he had packed a toothbrush, a razor, a change of clothes, and his banking records showing a balance of $200,000. You can never be too careful in preparing yourself for your first trip into the business world.

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Reviewed by Joyce Scarbrough
You forgot one, Joe! At some point in your past, you also need to have been addicted to drugs/alcohol/sex or been mentally ill. Actually, the mental illness can be an ongoing thing. People love to hear about what you did in rehab or therapy.

No charge for the addendum.
Reviewed by Roxanne Smolen
Joe, you are so funny. You should have waited to post this on April Fools Day. (Unless, of course, you aren't joking. Hmmm.)
Reviewed by Milton Burton
Joe, this makes you sound almost as cynical as I am. But it's a well-taken point.

"A cynic is one who, when he smells roses looks around for the coffin.
An idealist is one who thinks that because roses smell good that tyeh will make an edible soup." --- N.L. Mencken
Reviewed by D. K. Christi
Thanks for the three easy steps to success! Statistics will support all three. For the rest of us, hard work and a quality product that the world awaits is our only shot.
Reviewed by Gina Leuci
Joe, I do believe you are on to something here. Thanks for the free advice. I'll check my closet for that short skirt, and my bag to ensure I have the $200,000 and head out the door toward success.
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