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Mark M Lichterman

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Holey Underwear
By Mark M Lichterman
Last edited: Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Posted: Tuesday, April 13, 2010

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Mark M Lichterman

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Finding both, myself and my home extremely dog-friendly, the adoption was arranged and that weekend my girlfriend, her dog, Andy, and myself drove the three hundred fifty-three miles to meet my new best friend.

Holey Underwear, Batman

Origionally posted on 12/28/08  _____________________________________________________         

 Due to the very quick, untimely death of my best friend, my, on the large size, Yorkshire Terrier, Harry,  after about three days of near continual crying, living alone I knew I must have another dog as soon as possible and as I had been into Cavalier King Charles Spaniels (for those of you that do not know what a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel looks like, please see above picture) Knowing I must have a new live-in friend as soon as possible, I contacted the local lady – with a home operated kennel – that, about seventeen years ago I had purchased, “Fergie,” my first Cav, to see if she had any puppies for sale.  


She didn’t have any puppies but did give me the phone number of the Southern California Cavalier Rescue.


Calling the lady that runs the rescue, informing her of my years of experience with "Cavs," I was informed that that very morning a lady from Northern California had called with a near five year old male that, due to her working hours, felt very badly about leaving the dog home alone all that time and thought it best to adopt him out and, “Would you be interested?” I was asked.


“Absolutely!” I answered.


Three days later, the rescue lady was at my home checking both, myself and my home to see if I, and my home were dog-friendly.


Finding both, myself and my home extremely dog-friendly, the adoption was arranged and that weekend my girlfriend, her dog, Andy, and myself drove the three hundred fifty-three miles to meet my new best friend. 


And indeed, Kody adopted me immediately and in the three weeks that we have been living together – although there are a few issues that we are working out – Kody and I have become the very best of friends.


Something very strange happened a few days ago that my girlfriend says, "Had to be Kody!"  


And I say, “How could Kody do it?”


Living alone, of course I do my own laundry.


From the dryer, after hanging what needs to be hung, I carry all the socks, underwear, handkerchiefs and etceteras into my room, lay them on the bed, fold and put them into the sock, underwear and handkerchief drawer.


So how could it happen?


The underpants I wear are not Jockey or Boxers but, having the material of Jockey Shorts, are kind of an abbreviated Boxer.


Okay, so it’s an indelicate subject, but we all do it and those that have read anything that I have written know that, on rare occasions, I’ve been known to, occasionally, write about some rather indelicate subjects, so...


As we all do it...


A few days ago I was sitting on the toilet and, looking down, at my underpants that, along with my jeans were mid-way down my claves, Holy shit – considering where I was, not attempting to make an indelicate subject even more indelicate, but – holy shit! I thought because, other than the front panel, (you guys know, the front panel with the fly that keeps “us” ensconced)  other than the front panel and the three inch leg material, there was...




The entire rear of my underpants, the entire seat had raggedly disappeared.


Okay, I’m seventy-four years old and, yeah, there are things I forget but, folding my underwear, I would, most certainly, notice if the entire seat was missing from a pair of underpants! And if not then, I would, absolutely notice when, slipping them over my feet, up my legs and onto my ass, I would most  certainly notice that I had only half a pair of underpants on.


Hell, wearing half a pair of underpants has to be, at least, a bit on the uncomfortable side.


Okay, so here’s my quandary:


#1... If I carried my laundry directly from the dryer to my room and began to fold and put away,  how could Kody get to a pair of my underpants?

#2... How do I get dressed without noticing that I’m putting on half a pair of underpants?

#3... And once on, as one that does not exactly have a teeny-weenie little ass, how do I not feel that something is not quite right? Like, maybe, like a breeze.

#4... If Kody had no way of getting to and eating my underpants between the dryer and drawer, then he must have eaten them while I was wearing them.

         Now I've been known to drink a vodka/tonic on occasion and, okay, maybe even more than one vodka/tonic, and I do, occasionally, like a Tangeray Martini before dinner, but I hardly ever sit around in my underwear, especially while with company, and  most especially when at a restaurant while drinking a Tangeray Martini.

        So possibly the only way Kody could have eaten my underpants was while I was wearing them.

         In the service, many, many years ago I had been called "numb nuts" on more than one occasion, but....? 

         Oh, well, they’ve never explained flying saucers either.



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Reviewed by Kathleen McDonald 6/3/2010
Mark you are priceless!!! ROFLOL for sure. I am soooo enjoying reading your work.
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 4/15/2010
...and there was Kody, a cavalier with a K. Now you cryin',again? (LOL)


Reviewed by Chessly Nesci 4/14/2010
OMG!! Too funny! Kody ate your underpants while you were wearing them. This story is priceless and I am so glad you shared it with me. Love it! ~Chessly
Reviewed by Erin Kelly-Moen 4/14/2010
Ha! You made me laugh, Mark, thanks!

Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen
Reviewed by Patrick Granfors 4/13/2010
Our kids had a Cav named Floyd. Great dog. Lived to be 17 or so. Great story. Hysterical conclusion. Vodka tonics are my favorite beverage, well shit beer too, but your quandary is most likely a combination problem. Pete ate stray socks. It would appear Kody ate stray undies. Unless you are obsessive you probably don't check your undies when you wash them. Likewise when you toss them in the drawer clean. That aside, I would propose one morning after a Tangeray / vodka tonic/ditto ditto ditto evening you arose and picked up the modified used garment off the floor and put it on. Your "most certainly notice" button would have been deactivated by a throbbing head until the throne perspective made things obvious. I think flying saucer theorists are safe for now. Patrick

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