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Tom Hyland

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Member Since: Feb, 2003

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Books
· The New Jerusalem - Chapters 1 - 5

· Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons


Short Stories
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?

· DADDY ... ADDENDUM

· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?

· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !

· ALL MY CARS - PART 2

· ALL MY CARS

· AU-TO-MO-BILES

· BIG LUG CONTINUED !

· SLURPEES !

· THE BIG LUG !


Articles
· GOOD PEOPLE vs. ARROGANT S.O.B's

· CONJUGATION OF VERBS

· RENT

· Fun With Some CON Words

· RACISM

· GOD BLESS THE @#%^ CORPORATIONS!

· BERRIES

· MEDIOCRITY ... THY NAME IS ... APATHY

· TALK IS CHEAP !

· The BLIMP


Poetry
· ELF # 1

· SHRIMPY

· OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...

· ALL HALLOWS EVE

· HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

· CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL

· DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?

· BIG 5 0 !

· COURAGE

· AS FOR ME ...

         More poetry...
News
· PATRICIA ANN ALLEN

· JERSEY DEVIL... aka KNAVE WUSS-A-LOT Update !

· JERSEY DEVIL HANGING IN THERE STILL !

· ED MATLACK IN HOSPITAL !

· ONE MILLION !

· ONLY 2,639 TO GO!

· 805,000 + HITS !

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Books by Tom Hyland
NEWS FROM 'THE FRONT'
By Tom Hyland
Last edited: Sunday, June 26, 2011
Posted: Sunday, June 26, 2011



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Recent articles by
Tom Hyland

• GOOD PEOPLE vs. ARROGANT S.O.B's
• CONJUGATION OF VERBS
• RENT
• Fun With Some CON Words
• RACISM
• GOD BLESS THE @#%^ CORPORATIONS!
• BERRIES
           >> View all 375

COUNT-DOWN ... 67 DAYS 'TIL LABOR DAY!

GOT MILK?






NEWS FROM ‘THE FRONT’

© - Tom Hyland - 6/26/11


DEAR KNAVE WUSS-A-LOT:

FORSOOTH, THOU HAST MERELY A SOLITARY NEED ...
THAT WHICH SHALL SOLVE ALL THY PROBLEMS ...

AT THE FORTH-COMING REUNION, WE SHALL INSTITUTE
A TWO-STEP PROCESS - TO WIT:

1. THY SISTER, TIGER LILY ED SHALL CONDUCT A SEANCE,
IN WHICH SHE SHALL CALL UPON, AND RESURRECT THE SOUL
OF PETER SELLERS - WHO SHALL RETURN AS 'DR. STRANGELOVE'!

2. DR. STRANGELOVE SHALL THEN PROMPTLY PERFORM A -
FRONTAL LOBOTOMY UPON THAT BULBOUS BULGE UPON THY
SHOULDERS!

IN THE INTEREST OF BOTH SCIENCE, AS WELL AS 'ENTERTAINMENT' FOR ALL IN ATTENDANCE, WHILST THE SURGERY IS BEING PERFORMED, NO CELL PHONES CAN BE FUNCTIONAL, LEST SOME 'BRAIN-WAVE' INTERFERENCE MIGHT OCCUR.

FOLLOWING SAID SURGICAL PROCEDURE, A RECEPTION SHALT BE HELD IN THY SOLE HONOR, WHEREUPON THEE MAY 'GIGGLE' AND 'DROOL' QUITE FREELY!

DURING SAID RECEPTION, THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR SHALL PRESENT THEIR RENDITION OF THAT TIMELY OLD GOSPEL 'TUNE' ... "WE SHALL OVERCOME!"

PEEWEE ED ADVISES THAT A 'LITE FARE' SHALT BE AVAILABLE FOR THIS MOST AUSPICIOUS OCCASION:

KEGS OF 'COORS LIGHT' - A THIRST-QUENCHING APERITIF ...
'MEDICINAL WEED' - FOR EUPHORIC REMEMBRANCES -
VARIOUS AND SUNDRY SHAPES, SIZES, AND TYPES OF CHEESES ...
INCLUDING 'TOE.'
CRATES AND CRATES OF 'ANIMAL CRACKERS' ... APROPOS INDEED!

ADDITIONAL 'VITTLES' - SUCH AS 'RHODE ISLAND RED ROAD KILL' - SHALL BE PROVIDED FOR THOSE WITH DELICATE PALATES, AS WELL AS THE 'GASTRONOMICAL GOURMETS' IN ATTENDANCE ...

OH - ANOTHER 'FLASH' JUST ARRIVED ...

A LARGE OAKEN VAT SHALL BE PRESENT FOR ANYONE AND EVERYONE - TO STOMP N' SQUASH THE 'GRAPES OF WRATH!' -

THE FRESH WINE PRODUCED THEREBY SHALL BE ALLOWED TO FERMENT AND AGE JUST ABOUT TEN MINUTES!

THE GOLD ENGRAVED INVITATIONS AND R.S.V.P.'S ARE AT THE PRINTERS' AS WE SPEAK ...

THIS 'EXTRAVAGANZA' MAY VERY WELL BE THE 'BESTEST' ED PARTY EVER!

EVER-LUVIN' CUZIN - TOM ... THE 'CUR SIR' ...


f

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Reviewed by Patrick Granfors
No! No! No! Coors. That most vile of brewed swills shall not pass these lips, however I will consider using the kegs for flushing water or bidet spray. Patrick
Reviewed by Ed Matlack
Such a buffoon or is it bubboob...well, you are if nothing else, long winded...you'd make a great politician...Jerseeeeeeeeey
Reviewed by Mr. Ed
A LARGE OAKEN VAT SHALL BE PRESENT FOR ANYONE AND EVERYONE - TO STOMP N' SQUASH THE 'GRAPES OF WRATH!' -

THE FRESH WINE PRODUCED THEREBY SHALL BE ALLOWED TO FERMENT AND AGE JUST ABOUT TEN MINUTES!

Sounds Wonderful - Both the Jersey Devil Surgery and the Wine!

And our dear old Ma Ed finally revealed the old Ed Family Secret on how that wine ferments so fast - a rare form of family fungal toe jam, which really speeds up the fermenting process.

Old Pee Wee Ed,
Ed Family Historian


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