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Regis Auffray

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God... if you're Out There can I ask You a Question?
by Regis Auffray   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Sunday, September 19, 2010
Posted: Monday, September 06, 2010

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An article by Sha'Tara, local writer and friend...

God... if you're Out There can I ask You a Question?

   [thoughts from      ~burning woman~      by Sha'Tara]
Well now, apart from discussing the weather, how about this?
What is the absolute stupidest question anyone can ask in a tête-à-tête or an interview?
"Can I ask you a question?"
I recently got involved in a conference call with the bureaucrats who are doing their damned best to destroy my job (or at least the meaning of it) and the human resources newbie teen-ager interviewing me asked that question.
I wanted to play games with her mind, but time was pressing (these people are on the clock and then some!) so I let it pass and replied with the standard, "Sure."
I realize now I should have made an issue of it because that question is very much at the center of everything that's wrong with the way things are going.  Meaning: who thinks? 
Let's say you are being interviewed about a crime committed in your neighborhood which the authorities are trying to solve by questioning the locals in the hope of getting new information.
Cop shrink: "Can I ask you a question?"
Let the bells and whistles go off all at once, and listen to them, not to the question itself, because it is utterly inane.
Because there is no answer to that question, no matter how you turn it.  No right answer, that is.
First, and obviously, the interviewer has already asked the question, without your permission.  "Can I ask you a question?"  is in fact a question.  That is the end of that one.  By asking the question, the interviewer has already violated the intent of the question.
The second, and even more obviously is, if you've agreed to the interview, isn't it totally redundant to ask if you can be asked a question?  How else do you conduct an interview, I ask?
The third and most important part is, how can anyone answer that?  If you say, well, that depends on what you're going to ask, that is the end of that conversation because if the interviewer answers you at that point, that constitutes a violation of the question, "Can I ask you a question?" because you have yet to say yeah or nay.
Yes, how can anyone honestly answer that question?  You have to expect a trick question, otherwise the questioner would not ask, "Can I ask...?"  so the logical answer, if there is one, is: "NO!" 
Interviewer: "OK, thanks for your time."
And that terminates the interview... as it should. 
Because if your interview is like mine, it wasn't worth the time and effort it took to prep for it, and to discharge myself of it.
Now then, God, if you are really out there, can I ask you a question?  I bet you figured it out long ago, and that's why you don't answer, eh?  Maybe you're smarter than I thought after all, your religious followers notwithstanding.  So I'm not asking you any questions but if you want to talk, no prompting, no quid pro quo, no hidden agenda, I'm here, anytime, day or night.  Don't worry about the doormat at the entrance that says, "I've found God" –I too can lie like a mat.


Reader Reviews for "God... if you're Out There can I ask You a Question?"

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Reviewed by John Martin
Much truth, well said, well written.
Reviewed by Leland Waldrip
Great expose of a culture inanity! There are soooooo many more.
Best regards,
Reviewed by Sheila Roy
I like the exploratory feel to this article. I dare say your sense of humor shines here, too. Hugs,
Reviewed by Jon Willey
The realm of the questioning, the inquisitive need not and in fact is not limited to the non-believer. Some prefer to establish plains of aloofness as bridges in an effort to imply support for their position as agnostics, as do some believers. And I will not deny them their right to do so. To hear what is being said requires that we have the ability to understand what is being said. The very nature of communications stands in the way of understanding. But no man has ever possessed the omniscience required to fully understand. Mankind's limits are more than substantial and semantics are merely ploys to gain unfair advantage at the cost of even primitive communications. Another thought provoker Regis. Thanks for sharing my dear friend. My peace and love be with you always. Jon Michael
Reviewed by Ronald Hull
I like that "Lie like a mat."

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila
Thanks for the chuckles, Regis! This is very funny....

Reviewed by Ann Marquette
Great one Regis. This put a smile on my face, and even a laugh at myself for I have done this very thing myself!!!
Lew, love your true.
Patrick, that is a GOOD modifier.

Thanks Regis, love this.
Reviewed by John Coppolella
Not sure I understood the last line, oh wait, lie like a mat...Haha. This is but a lesson in my human ignorance. We3 are programmed to give Q & A in the way that will disarm the best. Some argumentative questions have no winning answer, example: Are you still as self-centered as you used to be?

To paraphrase Betrand Russell, Intelligence can be improved and instilled in the willing student, but morals are still in desperate need of a proper distillation method!

No wonder Jack Daniels was so successful, if we could ever drink our way to success, we would all be zillionaires many times over!
Reviewed by Lew Duffey
Great one and well thought out.
Here's one...
Lew: God, can ask a question?
God: you people have had all your questions answered. Read the book.
God bless,
Reviewed by Patrick Granfors
This is funny Regis, and so true. OK how about a modifier, Can I ask you a personal question?

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