Hyland’s Horrendous Hogwash
3 H - Part 1

© - Tom Hyland - 05-23-09

RE: My - DRUTHERS -2 -

5/23/2009
Ed Matlack

A suture you need,
Applied to your leaking brain,
And if you call yourself handsome,
You really should see a shrink,
As you really are going completely, totally & utterly insane...

Dear Joisey Beezelbub -

“Sticks n’ Stones may break my Bones -
but Words will never Hurt me!”

Consider the Source - a DEVIL is calling an ANGEL Names …

? ? ? Tom - The Drutherer …

5/23/2009
D Johnson

And it all rhymed quite nicely too! I don't think this is about changing the past, I think it's more of a reflection of those 'other roads' that could have been taken. I think, we all think about that at one time or another. Enjoyed!

Cheers,
Dan

DAN - well thank you Matey - you are too kind! Glad you enjoyed. Tom.

5/23/2009
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Can't change the past - and you're right, count what we do have. May not be much, but it's ours. :) Well done, Tom.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

Love that piccy ROFL

KARLA - thank you - may you be amptly sprinkled with Happy Dust!

TK.


5/24/2009
Mr. Ed

Uh, Oh. Your Druthers have awakened our Ed Godfather Brother - do you really owe him a zillion bucks? YIKES! (But if you're real lucky, he'll send Jersey Ed to collect, and you can always bribe him.)

DEAR PEEWEE - (soldier with the smallest ROD) -

See reply to the ‘DON’ posted below (in my newest 3 H which isn’t posted yet) - alas - his ALZHEIMER’s has failed him again - he OWES ME no less than than $2,054,094.50 - REBATE for prompt payment!

Poor Ole Guy is getting’ BRAINDEAD - might need to send JOISEY DEVIL ED down to change his soiled DEPENDS! Devils are good at this kind of YUCKY JOB!

The real definition of ‘PLUMBER” … the Septic Tank- Cess-Pool Expurts!

FAMILY FIRST! TK … Gratsi!


5/24/2009
Georg Mateos

No money in the bank? how gonna you pay me back that zillion dollars I generously loaned you at 25% a week?
Man...you really are in trouble.

Your "Godfather"

DEAR ‘DON’ EDVARD GEORGE -

A thousand pardons, Padrone - it seems your Dimentsia is showing again!
You Forgot that I already paid you back that Zillion $ - in less than one week, and you still OWE ME a refund of the 25% interest for 3 days - which amounts to - $2,054,794.50 … a Cashier’s Check, or a U.S. Postal Service Money Order would be quite acceptable.

Then - MAYBE - I’ll Kiss your ----- RING!

Otherwise - FA-GET-A-BOUT-IT !!! TK - INNOCENT ‘SOLDIER’.


Posted by Georg Mateos (author) at 5/24/2009 12:40:39 PM

Dear paesano Tom,

You come to avere la visita del mio musculosi banbini Tor & Pedo per ritrovare la mia money.
Tor & Pedo te voglio fare una proposizione qur voi non potera recusare..e si (Tor & Pedo will make you a proposition which you can't refuse)

il Padrino

Hi Georg Mateos:

Deara Papa Mio -

Youa tella youra TORPEDO bambinos to BESA MI MUCHO ARSO!

Anda ifa dea happena toa bea reala namea -
ED The Dreadeda anda EDuardo Il Pipsqueako -
tella thema wherea toa puta data Horsa Heada -
upa dera Derierresa!

Ia gotta protectiona froma da Bossa (BIGA IL Padrino) ofa BUSHa Familia -
hea senda dema toa GITMOa - anda waterboarda dera arsas!

CAPICE? Badda-Boom-Badda-Bing! il Tomaso ...



5/23/2009
The Bear Paw

Hi Tom, Thank you for sharing a reflection that most of us have. Well, my druthers changed along the way for unknown reasons, and changed as often as my underwear! But, life is life, and I've come to think that druthers may be a waste of time, so I go without.

In Spirit,
Bear


DEAR BEAR -

I hear you - “IF ONLY…”

While we certainly can not change the Past - an occasional reflection may remind us to be more careful in our Future choices - es verdad?

But, to DWELL on the past may be a total waste of time.

Peace - Tom.

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RE: My - Why Not Y ?

5/23/2009
J'nia Fowler

Very interesting Tom. Thanks. ...Puts me in mind of being in grade 1, standing for the anthem, God Save the Queen. Stared at her picture and with hands at our sides we sang:
God save our Bracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen
God save our Queen.
SenTER BICtorious
Happy and BORious
Long toooo reign over us
God save our Queen.

J'NIA -

"MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE -
OF YOUR BRACIOUS QUEEN -
TO-TAL-LY FREE!"

NEITHER A KING, NOR A QUEEN'S TUSH -
BUT WE HAD WORSE - OLE JUNIOR BUSH!

NOW WE CAN HAPPILY EXCLAIM -
WE GOT BARRY - HUSSEIN!

PEACE - TK.

=========================================================

RE: Darryn John Murphy’s - The Heavenly Scent of Her Allure -

DARRYN - WELL DONE !

Totally different - but reminds me of my - On A Nectarine -

OH - after reading your impressive Bio - thought a word of caution might be in order -

Over here - I live in Baltimore, Maryland - OWINGS MILLS is a suburb area, and that is where The International Poetry BUSINESS is located. it is like a glorified Vanity Press, that will print almost ANY poem submitted, in order to SELL its Anthology Books.

Many years ago - Been There - Done That - when I was new and naive. After learning about their schemes, and being offered the AWARD, the Plaque, the Convention in California, et cetera - turned them all down! The COSTS were quite prohibitive!

When you get a chance, GOOGLE the name and see what others' experiences have been.

Likewise, another 'Rip-Off" firm located there also is Publish America - I was also still naive when I signed a 7 year contract to publish my first book.

Caveat Emptor! Peace - Tom.

=========================================================

RE: John Martin’s - thought for Today - 5/23/09 -

JOHN - some good points - BUT -

A few months ago, on NPR - an actual U.S. Interrogator stated plainly and strongly that using Sodium Pentathal actually worked Better - was more humane - had no side effects - and had a 90% + reliability!

Would prefer a shot of this - over Water-Boarding, or any other method!

How come the EX-PURTS and MEDIA don't talk about this?

Peace - Tom.

=========================================================

RE: Matlack’s - Little Brat Kids Screaming -

JOISEY - amazing - great minds think alike!

Just wrote these notes this morning:

Saturday - May 23rd, 2009 - COX'S POINT PARK - 10:50 AM -

Beautiful Day - Gentle Breeze - Cool in shade of Pavilion -
People fishing along banks of Back River -
Power boats - to and fro - small, medium, large -
Straight across other side, two Gold Domes of Sewage Treatment Plant -
to their left, Eastpoint Mall - Sunlight glistening on water -
all Peaceful - EXCEPT ...

Screaming, crying BRAT KIDS -
AND A MUV’VA - USING THE 'F' WORD AT THEM!


People at picnic tables fixing lunch -
Squirrels scurrying about, up and down trees,
across the grass - playing ...

Batteries dead in camera - need 2 AA'S -
forgot cell phone -
Cig butt into empty plastic Coke bottle,
put into trash can -
MORE SCREAMING - THAT'S IT - I'M DONE!
out of here at 11:20 ...

Tom.

=========================================================

RE: message from John Martin RE: Water-boarding discussion -

by John Martin (author) at 5/24/2009 5:38:26 AM
Hi Tom,

That’s a pretty high rate for Sodium P. (truth serum) Because of the familiarity and exposure to “leisure “drugs, with the U.S. population it’s more like 30%. Like alcohol and speed, Sodiumm P is an intoxicant. When intoxicated, sometimes the truth comes out; people do like to brag about how bad they are when they’re stoned. Being that there is limited exposure to intoxicants in the Middle East, it probably is more effectivean with these “people”. So I have no problem with using intoxicants also.

I saw this documentary about throat cancer epidemic in one of the providences of China. Back in the eighties this rural Chinese province had a throat cancer rate that was on 70% higher than the national average. The government sent in a team of 300 "technicians". Some were medical people, others were just ordinary people sent to study the whole situation. Instead of immediately looking for a Medical culprit, they studied everything that was unique to that province.

They came up with about twenty different things. Some such as the people ate a rare special mushroom that was indigenes to that province, they drank a local delicacy soup that was to be drunk at a temperature of 160 degrees, the soil was deficient in molybdenum content, hence so were the vegetables grown an consumed there, and quite a few other minor things. After six months of study, they put their plan in action. No, they didn’t decide on a single medical culprit. What they did was, to enrich the molybdenum content of the soil, temporally ban the drinking of the soup at that high temperature, and the consuming of that mushroom and about twenty similar things. The result was that within five years the throat cancer rate dropped to 10% below the national average.

So, Tom, if some sick S.O.B. was planning on burning my house down with me in it, I have no problem with them trying everything to make sure that it doesn’t happen. The leftwing media is trying to convince us that these are just everyday innocent people like you and me abducted off the street for no reason. These creatures weren’t water boarded to obtain a confession for political propaganda purposes; these were people with information on a plot to kill you and me and thousands of other innocent American men, women and children.

Peace Brother


Hi John Martin:

JOHN - WOW! Thanks! Good Poop!

You nailed it! CHINA? The same government and people who - many years ago, came up with their great idea for Birth Control - keep the males and females SEPARATE for an entire MONTH - then, let them CO-HABITATE for only one weekend a month! DUH!

Like most Political BS - and all dichotomous thinking - BOTH EXTREMES are usually WRONG! The TRUTH is usually found somewhere smack-dab in the MIDDLE!

Peace - Tom.

=========================================================

RE: My - HOMONYMNAL -

5/27/2009
Mr. Ed

“Unless those Whores are Mr. ED’s!
And a Pee-Wee is not necessarily a Pee-Pee!”

Hey, Mr. Ed quit visiting them years ago, and a Pee Wee is definitely not a Pee-Pee!! (But I do still play Mumbley-Peg.)

PS Don't buy a Poetic License from Matlack; it's another one of those New Jersey scams.

Mr. Pee Wee Ed

05/28/09 - Mr. Pee Wee Ed -

Dear Friend - glad you were Not offended - it just flowed out so naturally, not unlike diarrhea!

JOISEY/ Hell No! He knows that we Maryland Drivers are the absolute BESTEST anywhere! Just ask him!

So, I got one locally, from a Valedictorian guy on the corner of MVA,
down in Glen Burnie, MERLYN!

Pax Tecum - TK.


5/26/2009
Georg Mateos

Tom your title above was wrong written it should be LANMYNOMOH you twit and you call yourself a brain surgeon? more like a Starbucks peddler for people suffering imsomia.

Now, I will credit you with enough literary skill to play with words and make people laugh. Tom Hyland, seriously...you rock! ! !

Teflon Georg

DEAR NOLFET GROEG - now, suppose that Lanmynomoh was a proud American Indian Tribe - and they were to take offense with your humor?
What if they came after you with tomahawks ablazing?

Thank you Georg - if anything brings a smile to anyone’s face for a brief moment, then I was successful. And, if anyone learned something new or different - that would be a bonus!

Peace - Friend - Peace! Tom.

Posted by Georg Mateos (author) at 5/26/2009 11:19:18 PM

Tom Hyland, you are a lovable crackpot! ! !

Groeg
a.k.a. Wounded Eagle
Lakota Sioux


Hi Georg Mateos:

EDVARD - yew got even another ALIAS?

Thank ewe! Bestest compliment in a good while!

Maybe some day the 3 EDS and I can gather around a campfire, and exchange some really good hogwash tales, while drinkin' COORS n' SMOKIN' PEACE-PIPES ...

Gittum Up - Scout ... TK.


5/26/2009
D Johnson

You know, Tom, things could be worse. Just imagine if the only language we spoke was latin.

Cheers,
Dan

AMEN - DAN - AMEN! Tom.

5/26/2009
Mary Lacey
Tom,

Wonderful homonyms and play on words. Really gave me a laugh. I'll have to check that site out.

Mary

MARY - thanks - glad you enjoyed. Tom.

5/26/2009
Karen Palumbo
Okay, okay, you got my head spinning now....

Be always safe,
Karen

KAREN - spinning is nice! Tom.

5/26/2009
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Wow. You took a lot of time with this one, can see you researched your information before putting it to page (and in rhyme, yet). Well done, TK!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

KARLA - thanks Doll … Tom.

5/26/2009
Ed Matlack
If you lose your poetic license, you can always re-apply, firstly receiving a learners permit...ed


=========================================================

RE: Matlack’s - What Price Peace? -

ED - GOOD WRITE!

Believe it or not, there is a simple answer - the price of Peace is - the DEATH OF APATHY!

It can only come - maybe someday? - when ALL American citizens STAND UP AND SPEAK OUT! A few thousand won't do it - a few hundred thousands won't either - WHEN ONE HUNDRED MILLION OR MORE - finally get off their complacent arses and ACT - WRITE LETTERS - SEND EMAILS - MAKE PHONE CALLS - SIGN PETITIONS - DEMONSTRATE - VOTE AGAINST ALL THE EMBEDDED CROOKED LYING POLITICIANS IN OFFICE - THEN - MAYBE!

A couple of days ago, I watched the documentary again - "The U.S. VS. John Lennon." - 1968 -The Peaceniks - the Protesters - the Flower Children - the so-called 'radicals' - they spoke out - did sit-ins - got locked up - LOST - but DAMMIT THEY TRIED!

John's song - "GIVE PEACE A CHANCE" needs to be RESURRECTED - HERE - THERE - EVERYWHERE - WORLDWIDE!

I won't live long enough to see this happen - why?

Because most Americans have NO BALLS LEFT !!

PEACE - TOM.

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RE: My - LIARS and THIEVES -

5/30/2009
The Bear Paw

Hi Tom, A tremendous write! and yes a plethora of liars and thieves feeding mountains and mountains of bullshit! When Bush first went into Iraq, they "discovered" a bunker filled with billions of dollars of American money. This "news" was flashed on the TV news ONE TIME, never to be mentioned or heard of again. What happened to all that money? Hmmm, we will never know, at least not the truth anyway.... You could have titled this Did You Know, but then, nobody believes anyway... thank you for sharing... glad you got your poetic liscense back.. :)

In Spirit,
Bear
5/29/2009
J'nia Fowler

Lots of stuff to ponder here once again Tom. On the plus side, if you want to call it that, free thinkers and logical ones who persist in tell it like it is are pensioned off here in the West. But in places like China and the old USSR you either got shot, sent for an attitude adjustment or poisoned with plutonium. I'll take retirement rather than to be shut up for good. Cheers and tears, J'nia

5/29/2009
Mr. Ed

Does No One in Government Ever Learn Anything?

Some of us actually do, so they force us to quit or to retire - no 'boat rocking' or 'thinking outside the box' is ever allowed or tolerated. I seriously doubt any of the atrocities you describe will ever change; they have become far too entrenched; and far too few citizens even seem to care. We truly have become a nation of Sheep.

5/29/2009
Georg Mateos

First the photo, a nice and clear picture of our Washington Congressmen posing for posterity?

Gimme Route 66 and a old Harley and I will visiting friends for the long three months that it will take me to reach Chicago from San Francisco, starting with an old Concord CA Sheriff and stopping for a beer at PeeWee's place before hitting Jersey's Ed compound for that Coors that rub him the wrong way!

Georg

5/28/2009
Karen Palumbo

Wow you sure have said a mouthful!! I can tell you as an accountant they hired themselves a team that could do some pretty fancy footwork....

Be always safe,
Karen


5/28/2009
JASMIN HORST SEILER

This groovy my friend, and I got a lot of traction out of it, finicky accounting , I mean thieving, has finally caught up to the last penny, there are no more in the jar, except the taxpayer, if he's working, and doesn't do finicky accounting himself, but then he's not allowed that, corporations business, or governments are the only ones and the rest of the gangsters.

The free press instead of doing their investigative reporting in a good democracy, is asleep at the switch, or wait a minute I forgot they are also most of them corporations, I wonder if there is any legit money to be made by the mafia, except for paving and cement, dead bodies and funeral homes. Did you mention people like Blackwater at all, and some of their affiliates, I think they're from Texas, where there is a lot of that so rare stuff, oh, I forgot that's oil, in tanks or otherwise, well I much enjoyed this article, as I do all your writing.

Blessings! Jasmin Horst

JASMIN - thanks for long comments! I purposely avoided mentioned the Unmentionable dudes with the CEMENT SHOES SYNDROME -

They, at least did POLICE their own - CHEAT US - DIE!

Pax Tecum - Blessings Back Atcha! Tom.

5/28/2009
Ed Matlack

You need to get into politics, Tom, as you could be a filibuster all your own lasting all day and well into the night, though I do agree with all said above, seems to fit US all like the proverbial glove...Ed

ED - thanks, Pal - the U.S. IS US …

When are US gonna take it back from THEM - THE 545 …

CONGRESS - PREZ - SUPREME COURT ?

NAW - on the filibuster - drather watch a Filly’s Bust - then Bust the Filly!

Piece - Tom.

=========================================================

RE: Leland Waldrip’s - Goin’ to Albuquerque -

LELAND - WELL DONE !

Maryland, like OLE VIRGINNY - has similar critters, but it's still my preference.

Western Mountains for hiking and skiing -
Eastern Shore for ocean and beaches -
Rivers, Lakes, Streams, Ponds for fishing -
Big City for cultural events -
Little Towns for rural excursions -
Farms, Historic sites to visit -
And More, more, more ...

YEP - Plant me down in Ole Baltimore!

But - you enjoy your "GIDDY-YUP" on some ole mule!

Peace - Tom.

=========================================================

RE: John Martin’s - A New Book of The Bible -

JOHN - very well done - but with one exception -

the book's real title is - THE BOOK OF BUSH! It started Eight Years ago!

Well, actually, the Chapter started then. The current book that is unfolding is really Not the Second Chapter either. It is a much higher number, because the book actually began over Fifty-Eight years ago - when Hiroshima and Nagasaki were bombed and WWII ended!

Truman - Eisenhower - Kennedy - Johnson - Nixon - Ford - Carter - Reagan - Bush I - Clinton - Bush II -

FIVE Democrats and SIX Republicans - Eleven Presidents - Count ‘em!

The current Democrat, Obama - makes an Even Dozen, and Balances the Scales at SIX apiece!

On further contemplation, the Book’s Title should more aptly be named - The Book of Politicians!

But then, as we ponder a little more in depth, honesty would dictate that this title would be yet another Misnomer!

To Blame God’s Wrath on a mere Twelve individuals would be yet another ‘Half-Truth!’
There have Always been other Guilty parties involved deeply - Which another has aptly Named - The 545 …

The President - The Members of Congress (535) - and The Supreme Court Justices (9).

So, how about this title - “The Book of Politics - 545 - Chapter and Verse”?

But - if we dig even Deeper, and Open the Floodgates of Verity - how could the Millions and Millions of - WE THE PEOPLE - just sit idly by, and with clear consciences - ALLOW - a Mere Pittance of Pitiful Politicians - DESTROY Our God, and Our Nation?

In my final humble analysis, the Correct Title ought to be -
]
“The Book of APATHY!”

Pax Domine Sit Semper Vobiscum! Tom.

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© - TKH