Recently,I’ve been exchanging thoughts about how to live a satisfying single life with a divorced young mother
who lives with high personal standards but who is feeling “naughty and somewhat slutty” in that she’s being
tempted, as she says, “to share myself with a man.Not a punk on the street corner, but a real man.”
Our conclusion is that it’s not primarily a sexual relationship she misses; it’s an affectionate, loving
relationship that expresses itself by sharing sex.
For those of you who are facing this challenge personally—or who are responsible for maturing children facing
this challenge for the first time—perhaps you’ll find these two short sentences easy to remember and helpful
in considering what comes first.
A quality relationship doesn’t flow from sex.
Sex flows from a quality relationship.
Richard Lee Orey
The background music on this site is being played by my dear friend Magadalene Wong, Professional
Harpist, of Singapore. You may reach her personal website to order CDs of her music at this link: http://web.singnet.com.sg/~harpist/
Very succinctly, you capture and express an important truth in human relationships. However, it's not the only truth in the great arena of sex and eggs!
Sex is also, especially when we are younger and more driven, a fierce itch that must be scratched and sated. So it's quite natural for two (or more) healthy people to 'scratch and screw' so to speak. Screwing for the sake of pure, naked lust is great fun - with none of the obligations that arise from a real relationship.
Also, some people are inclined to experiment sexually and take a fairly detached viewpoint of their experiences. Experimentation does require a degree of detachment.
So although I do not cast aspersions on the gem of wisdom you have provided here (and I mean that sincerely), there is a lot more to human sexuality than you portray.
Richard, I'm a seventy-five year old single man (my wife passed away over five years ago) and I am in a very personal relationship with a lovely sixty-five year old woman that, because... you know, "Things" do not always work as they should, matter of fact lately -- because the brain is truly the organ of sex -- matter of fact "things" work rarely as they, or I would want them to, my girlfriend says exactly the same thing. Thank you for putting this beautiful piece forward.
WOW! I'm blown away by the email interest I'm getting on this simple little article posting. So, I'm going to add my email response to Cynthis Borris's review (below) so I won't feel obligated to respond to each of your individual emails. Here's what I said to Cynthia:
"Thanks for stopping by my den site and for taking the time to leave a thoughtful and humorous review of my article, "Sex: Chicken or Egg?" And, yes, I read your plea about my supplying the answer, which I don't have.
"My intent in posting this article was to condense the conclusion my young divorced mother and I had arrived at into two easy-to-remember sentences that an AuthorsDen mother could pass on as bits of counseling to her young daughter who might be feeling pressured by a young boyfriend to have sex "to get closer," etc.
"I simply wanted to supply the mother with words that would help her daughter make a decision based on the fact that sex by itself is not going to make a relationship suddenly something of quality. I wanted to provide a tool for the mother to explain to her daughter that what she needs to focus on is finding/establishing a quality relationship and then let things flow naturally from that foundation.
"Okay, Cynthia. I'm getting much too heavy and serious here. But that was the basis for my posting this article. The "Chicken and Egg" connection was only to point out that in our modern-day society, we seem to engage in sex at an ever earlier age than before, sometimes typically meaning a 13-year-old girl is having sex with her boyfriend as a routine matter in a youthful relationship. (Maybe the "pill" has influenced that kind of action.) But I wanted to offer a comment that suggests that nurturing a quality relationship is even more important than nurturing a teenage sexual relationship. Boy, there I go again getting too serious, perhaps.
"Say, by the way, Cynthia, have you ever thought of contributing to something called, "Egg Soup for the Soul"? Just a thought. Again, Dear Heart, thank you so much for your interest and support.
I think God created the first egg which then developed and hatched into the first chicken. But I wasn't there. I'm old, but not that old.
Oh so incredibly true Richard. I wish everyone knew this for themselves. Now to the ??? I think the chicken came first, otherwise who layed the egg? lol Please pray for your friend not to give in but to seek other rewarding kinds of relationships and to get hugs from safe people who won't trespass over her vulnerability. Hugs, J'nia