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Tom Hyland

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Books
· The New Jerusalem - Chapters 1 - 5

· Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons


Short Stories
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?

· DADDY ... ADDENDUM

· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?

· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !

· ALL MY CARS - PART 2

· ALL MY CARS

· AU-TO-MO-BILES

· BIG LUG CONTINUED !

· SLURPEES !

· THE BIG LUG !


Articles
· GOD BLESS THE @#%^ CORPORATIONS!

· BERRIES

· MEDIOCRITY ... THY NAME IS ... APATHY

· TALK IS CHEAP !

· The BLIMP

· 9 / 11 : PRESS For TRUTH

· NEW WORDS WITH FRIENDS

· BEATING A DEAD HORSE ?

· IF I WON ... ?

· Delegate or Stagnate


Poetry
· SHRIMPY

· OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...

· ALL HALLOWS EVE

· HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

· CONTEMPLATING BAMBIíS NAVEL

· DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?

· BIG 5 0 !

· COURAGE

· AS FOR ME ...

· LIFE IS LIKE ... A BOOK

         More poetry...
News
· PATRICIA ANN ALLEN

· JERSEY DEVIL... aka KNAVE WUSS-A-LOT Update !

· JERSEY DEVIL HANGING IN THERE STILL !

· ED MATLACK IN HOSPITAL !

· ONE MILLION !

· ONLY 2,639 TO GO!

· 805,000 + HITS !

Tom Hyland, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

5 T - B 2 - P 7
By Tom Hyland
Last edited: Sunday, April 19, 2009
Posted: Sunday, April 19, 2009



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Tom Hyland

• GOD BLESS THE @#%^ CORPORATIONS!
• BERRIES
• MEDIOCRITY ... THY NAME IS ... APATHY
• TALK IS CHEAP !
• The BLIMP
• 9 / 11 : PRESS For TRUTH
• NEW WORDS WITH FRIENDS
           >> View all 370
TOM'S TALL TALES TOLD TRUTHFULLY = 5 T.

Well Ladies n' Germs - here's the 7th installment of Book 2.

Yeah - I KNOW! MORE HOGWASH!

Has ANYONE yet used this CRAPOLA as a SPRINGBOARD to go visit the other Authors' postings? I HOPE SO! That is the Intent ...

Yeah, Yeah - I know that too -
"The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions!"

Read on at your own RISK ... and hopefully, Amusement <--- notice the ROOT word therein - MUSE!

Pax Domine Sit Semper Vobiscum !!!






5 T - B 2 - P 7

© - Tom Hyland - 04-13-09 to 04-19-09


RE: Jíniaís - CANADA - EH!

Hi J'nia Fowler:

I just had a startling revelation - kind of dumb but, nevertheless startling -

Youz guyz which are descendents of folks who came originally from the British Isles TOO - are MORE like us US'ans than the Bloody Brits across the Pond -

Ergo, closer bonds, similar experiences and backgrounds, kind of like "Kissin' Kousins" !!!

Personally, I've always thought of you Northern Neighbors as either British Canadians, or French Canadians. Similar, but DIFFERENT!

Descendents of Explorers, Adventurers, Travelers, Wanderers - who braved both the Elements and the Braves - seeking a New, Free World -

DUH! If we aren't two peas in a pod, who is? Just like the peoples of: Britain, Scotland, Ireland, Wales - all parts of a Greater Whole - The British Isles - WE are parts of North America -

On a similar but different Vein - although Mexico is part of North America also, the general public here does not regard the Mexican population as closely as Equals, or Brothers, or Cousins, even. Just as you had French settlers, we had Mexican settlers that were here - California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana - BEFORE US! AND - Louisiana had French settlers also, whose descendents are now often referred to as Cajuns! AND - the entire Continent had the Original inhabitants - INDIANS - Lots and Lots and Lots of INDIANS!

So many different Tribes, and Nations, but All - REDMEN! I have often marveled over the fact that so many Indian names STILL exist everywhere in the United States (Canada too!) - Names of: States, Rivers, Cities, Towns, Counties, Mountains, Plains, and more, more, more! Take any modern Map and simply observe!

Ultimately, our mutual Heritage is probably more INDIAN than any other possible ethnic group! And, letís face it - we sure SCREWED them, didnít we?

A friend of mine, Ed Reese, who went to Heaven some years back, used to say - "Just like Noah, we're in the same boat, tryin' hard to keep the damn thing afloat!"

This thought then promulgates another- from William Shakespeare's character, Puck - "What Fools these Mortals be!"

EH? Could this small expression simply mean -

"UP YOURS - RESPECTFULLY!" ???

Peace - Abundance - Love ... Tom.

==================================================

Hi Ed Matlack:

Now, now Bro - just because I'm not well-endowed -

there's no reason to tell the entire Friggin' WORLD !!!

P - rosperity -
E - normity -
A - bundance -
C - orpulence -
E - fficacy -

:) :) :) ... TK.

==================================================

RE: My - The Good Ole Days -

4/9/2009
D Johnson

You brought back memories I had hoped to never have again... and here is another trick played on an unsuspecting America. Just how much television if it was still in black & white and God forbid, the remote has not yet been invented.

Cheers,
Dan

DAN - no Remote? EGAD! Weíd all probably be both Lighter, and Thinner!

Tom.

=========================================================

4/9/2009
Ed Matlack

Glad I missed all that, mostly, though my dad told me of dealing with the coal in the basement of his childhood home...hell, I didn't even know what a basement was as living on an island if you dug down two feet you hit salt water...and as for that last paragraph, I want what you are popping or smoking...Ed & Rufuz

ED -

I call it "GOOFY DUST" - 1 part NOT dusting or vacuuming for at least one MONTH - add in plenty of 2ND-HAND SMOKE from normal ciggies - then AGE it all to almost 69 - stir in some Wanderlust - then blend in some of George Carlins' "BRAIN DROPPINGS" -

VOILA! The HOLLY is a special ingredient that helps you stay awake and 'Up on your Toes' so to speak!

FA-LE-LA-LE-LA-LE-LA-LA-LAAAAAA...

TK.

4/9/2009
Karen Palumbo

Rather original desk chair, huh? Very witty piece. Say, we got our first television when I was ten years old and spent more time watching the Indian in the circle and listening to that awful beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep than anything else. So much for entertainment, huh?

Be always safe,
Karen

KAREN - thanks for comments!

Yeah, I also remember the late night "TEST PATTERN."

Although I don't really recall any INDIAN in it?

Maybe a LOCAL thing? Peace, Tom.

4/9/2009
Chantilly Lace

Oh my,you are too funny sweetie..love that chair...LOL.. stay safe and well...Happy Easter to you TK...Hugsss,much love to you...
CHANTILLY FILLY - thanks, Doll - Back Atcha Ö Tom.

4/11/2009
J'nia Fowler

Love the chair and the trip down that old path, memory lane. Love the chair. I recall the smelly out house especially in winter. Love the chair. And then too the pipes that froze and we had to carry water from the neighbors. Love the chair. And mouse traps and mouses period. Boy have I go a story for you. By the way, I really do like that chair.lololol thanks for the chuckles Tom, Hugs, j


JíNIA - you have a story Ďbout meeses or mices? Splain, Lucy!

Sorry you didnít like the CHAIR!
Available New at Neeman Marcus I think?
USED on Ebay Ö

TomKat Ö

=========================================================

RE: My - PROPANE - SAFE ? -

4/13/2009
Ed Matlack

While I realize that the propane is the problem, Tom, but you could do like I do...I own two 40 pound propane tanks and one 30 pounder & I keep them filled myself, taking them wherever it needs to be filled...I cut a hole in the floor to extend a long 12 hose to one tank and bought a Mr.Heater propane heater for the interior of the camper which works great to keep us warm...

The reason I have these tanks is that the propane companies here told me initially that I could NOT have a large tank because I own a motorhome...too easily driven away & that would mean I would have to disconnect THEIR tank and they did not like the idea...though now they always stop to ask if I want a tank, now that they invented the quick disconnect connection...why bother I think, as for the last several years I have done it MY way...just a thought...Ed



ED - thanks for info - did consider this, i.e. purchase & fill own smaller tanks - but the end result would be the same - Propane is highly volatile, and the issue is really the Lack of Safety in the REGULATORS - when the temperature drops below FREEZING and the small aperture closes up, thus extinguishing your Pilot lights - when Nature warms up again, FUMES will automatically start filling your trailer or RV.

I CHOSE SAFETY! It would seem to me that the Common Sense approach would be to install the Regulators INSIDE THE HOME - but neither the Government, nor the Suppliers, nor the Home Manufacturers wish to even ACKNOWLEDGE this deadly circumstance, let alone take Responsibility!

Think of RECALLS on motor vehicles - can you imagine the nightmare of contacting and refitting the MILLIONS of motor homes and trailers?

Ultimately, BIG BUCKS outweigh SAVING HUMAN LIVES! Tom.


Posted by Ed Matlack (author) at 4/13/2009 5:24:26 PM

Hi Tom. More with regards your propane poem...if you will note, the propane container on the front of that trailer is still intact, leading me to believe that the propane tanks were not the reason for that fire...though you are right that propane "CAN" be pretty dangerous if used wrongly or if there is a leak of some kind...Ed

Hi Ed Matlack:

ED - good observation - BUT - what if he had a THIRD tank, like you, outside with separate line to Range, just for cooking?

Same thing could have happened - low temp - pilots out - warmth = leaks =
get out of bed & only FLIP LIGHT SWITCH = KABOOM !

Peace - Tom.

4/13/2009
La Belle Rouge

I'm so sorry this happened and I hope the company will do the right thing.

LA BELLE - Thanks for commenting. Sadly, like most corporations today, their ultimate goal is the proverbial Bottom Line - PROFITS!

Avoid Responsibility - Wait until Sued, on the Rare cases, then SETTLE out of court - appeal to the GREED of the individual Ö

Peace - Tom.


4/12/2009
Regis Auffray

I live on a mountain. My only source of heat in winter (fall and spring too) is via propane. A truck comes and fills my tank and I pay big bucks. So far so good. Thanks, Tom. Love and peace,

Regis

REG - thanks for comments!
For THREE YEARS mine was SO FAR SO GOOD also - then one night the temperature DROPPED to 19 DEGREES - OOPS!

I COULD HAVE DIED! If not by Asphyxiation, then by EXPLOSION!
I WAS SCARED S**TLESS!

Is your comfort or complacency worth the RISK?

Peace - Tom.


4/11/2009
J'nia Fowler

Yep. Great pic too. Hugs, J'nia

JíNIA - thanks for comment. Propane is an Accident looking for a Place to Happen - yet, people are so complacent - WHY?

Peace - Tom.


4/10/2009
JASMIN HORST SEILER

Gas is such a nasty business, in so many ways, have you thought maybe, of sending some back as a sample, so they can check it out at the office all by themselves, it might light up their lives a bit, make them nicer people, maybe even find religion, in a broader sense so to speak. Happy Easter Tom! Jasmin Horst

HORST - Yawohl mein herr -

ALAS - Over here, while a Corporation is defined as a Legal entity, similar to an Individual, it DOES NOT HAVE A SOUL!

Ergo, neither do its CEOís, nor other officers and executives!

Compassion and Justice have no room in the arena of GREED!

Pax Tecum Ö Tom.


4/10/2009
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

YIPE. Scary, Tom - just be safe, 'hear?

(((HUGS))) and love, karla.

KARLA - OKIE-DOKIE Ö Thanks, Doll Ö Tom.

=========================================================

RE: JíNIAíS - CANADA EH - continued Ö

by J'nia Fowler (author) at 4/13/2009 6:33:41 AM

Yeah, we are just like you guys. Much of your Cajun population came from Quebec and before that, France. I Don't know why we call the French Frogs here. Terrible, really. As for Mexicans! We don't have hardly any. They of course originally came from Spain and were ruthless but good horsemen. Your Mohawks, the guys who work up in the gerters of high rise towers came from Ontario and Quebec also. We have kicked people to the south and the Mexicans move north and you guys are stuck in the middle with lass land mass than we and 10 times the population too.

And "EH", hmmm. some possible meanings are " of course, right, understand, don't you get that? you idiot, dip stick, and maybe up yours you mother...... but then I could be mistaken eh! Have a great day Tom. Hugs, J'nia

JíNIA - GUUURL - you are just a fountain of wealth on STUFF up North!

In fact, on other stuff too! EH! Tom.


Posted by J'nia Fowler (author) at 4/14/2009 11:19:25 AM

Hi Tom Hyland:
LOL, a fountain of wealth? I've been called a lot of things and told to shut up a million times but to no avail. I tell it like I sees it here. Love, J'nia


Hi J'nia Fowler:

"... like I sees it ..." - reminds me of two of my all-time favorites - One, a
cartoon character, POPEYE The Sailor - and Two - good ole Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain.

Both exemplified the down-to-earth Vernacular, which I tend to sometimes over-use in my rambling writings.

I would suspect and even suggest that you and I may be two little peas in that big pod aforementioned.

OOPS! gotta run ... Duty calls ... TK

=========================================================

by Tom Hyland (author) at 4/14/2009 4:37:15 AM

KAREN - thanks for comments! Yeah, I also remember the late night "TEST PATTERN." Although I don't really recall any INDIAN in it? Maybe a LOCAL thing? Peace, Tom.



Posted by Karen Palumbo (author) at 4/15/2009 11:47:41 AM

Hi Tom Hyland:

My goodness Tom! Oh yes we did have the Indian spack dab in the middle of the television screen in full headress to boot. I did not mind the Indian, but the stupid constant beep drove me nuts. Okay so now we have 24/7 television and sometimes I miss that Indian.....

Be always safe,
Karen


Posted by Tom Hyland (author) at 4/15/2009 1:40:17 PM

Hi Karen Palumbo:

AHA - after now GOOGLING & seeing it - I do remember - guess I was not as enamored as you?

http://www.mediacollege.com/video/test-patterns/television/indian-head.html

GOOGLE answers for other links:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&ei=1lLmSfK_O56utAOzt8D1AQ&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=tv+test+pattern+indian&spell=1

FOR A tee - shirt --

http://www.zazzle.com/test_pattern_indian_head_tshirt-235030316573928348


WIGWAM WAMPUM ??? ... TKH.

=========================================================

RE: my - Beware The Ides of April -

4/16/2009
Mr. Ed

Big Brother is Watching YOU!

Ain't that the truth - and I hear that old Jersey Devil is on your case, too. I can't do much about BIG BROTHER, but let me know if you want me to take care of Little Brother Jersey!

PEEWEE - thanks for your kind offer, but me ní ole Joisey is A-OK.

Youíve heard about them thar thangs called Ďa slip of the tongueí right?
Well, he jusí had one of them and his tongue got in front of his EYE teeth
ní he couldnít SEE what he was sayiní - ITíS ALL GOOD!

TK

4/16/2009
Chantilly Lace

Only you darlin very cute..I love how your mind works...LOL.....have a wonderful and safe day... I hope my poem I posted will put a big smile on that sweet face of yours..be good...nah be your self...(Giggles)..Hugssss for >>>>>..TK
Love,
Chanti Lace xoxo

Panti-Lace ... WOW! You GOT me - AGAIN!

I anticipated slightly different lil PERKERS! Amazing how you morph the mundane into the sublime! Exquisitely done!

P.S. - 6th verse ... one -n- too many ...
Look forward to PERKING you up some day!

TomKat ...


4/15/2009
Ed Matlack

I am going to my bank and trying that & tell them some guy from Maryland told me to do it...e

JOISEY - Remember - itís NOT a loan - itís a WITHDRAWAL of the funds YOU advanced in the almighty BAIL-OUT Ö No Problemo!
TK.

4/15/2009
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Like any bank is going to loan to U.S. - the little people - fat chance! We owe, we owe, it's off to work we go - unless you're disabled. Then you're screwed. :(

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

KARLA - Remember - itís NOT a loan - itís a WITHDRAWAL of the funds YOU advanced in the almighty BAIL-OUT Ö No Problemo!

TK.

=========================================================

RE: Matlackís - Propane Paranoia -

JOISEY - PARANOIA THIS !!!

As you will note from most recent post on the subject - I no longer have any reason to fear it - IT IS GONE!

As long as I don't go bonkers and stick my tongue in a wall receptacle, I ain't gittin' ZAPPED either!

Suggest you go back & re-read BEAR PAW's story - THEY WERE TRULY LUCKY, or BLESSED!

IT only needs to happen ONCE ...

"To be Forewarned is to be Forearmed!"

AND ... you can keep all that lucky BIRDCRAP up there in JOISEY - in fact, I hope you git BLESSED with it IMMENSELY !!!

YER FIEND - (no r on purpose) - PARANOIA PENPAL ...

OH YEAH - P.S. -

RUFIE SEZ YER FARTS ARE MORE DEADLY AND DEVASTATING THAN ANY PROPANE CUD EVER BE!

:) :) :)

=========================================================

RE: Matlackís - Mr. ED can keep all the birds he wants -

JOISEY - HEY - "Into every life a little SHIT must fall..."

Grin n' BARE it - yer ARSE that is! Intelligent people allow God n' Mother Nature to WASH their cars! Remember that lil bit o' snow we had? n' all the SALT spray from the roads? I never even bothered to remove it - WASTED ENERGY N' LABOR - that's why RAIN comes down!

SO - now, the big, bad, brave HUNTER is gonna brandish a BB gun n' MURDER innocent lil birds? FIE !!!

You SHIT on yer lil THRONE, it goes down the hole, through the pipes, into the sewer line, and washes out into THEIR drinking fountains - the streams, rivers, ocean, whatever - and THEY don't BITCH N' MOAN - they don't get mad, they just GET EVEN!

ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER!

Go wash yer lil JEEP again - n' they'll SHIT again - I HOPE!

PEEWEE tells me that he contacted a local farmer - he now has a SQUADRON OF PIGS revvin' up to give yew a lil FLY-BY !!!

When they get done, ewe'll WELCOME a lil seagull SHIT !!!

Have a nice MUSHY DAY! Yer ole fart, sore-eyed, windy, long wordy FIEND - Tom, El Gato !!!

P.S. - Thanks fer da BIG BOLD LETTERS!

© - TKH

f

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Reviewed by Mr. Ed 4/19/2009
Wait a minute! That conniving old Jersey Devil went to the bank?? He told Ma and me and Edvard that he needed cash - Thank God I read this, I'll tell Ma to put a Big Stopper on his check!!

And, "Ultimately, our mutual Heritage is probably more INDIAN than any other possible ethnic group! And, letís face it - we sure SCREWED them, didnít we?"

We sure did; so very sad, and a most shameful part of U.S. history.
Reviewed by J'nia Fowler 4/19/2009
Too funny. I'll write that mouse story today Tom. Hugs, J'nia

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Tom Hyland



Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons

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