Let's Face It. My Life Sucks.
edited: Saturday, November 13, 2004
By Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Saturday, November 13, 2004
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Am having a "poor, poor, pitiful me" day. So please excuse me.
I am so sick of my life right now I could just SCREAM. I wish I could say that my life has gotten better, but just when I think things are looking up, life again smacks me right between the eyes, and I am just fed up with it all.
I am not getting anywhere with my writing; I think I write just so you can feel sorry for me. Maybe so, but I see nothing happening, and I wonder if all this writing is worth it or just a waste of my time. It doesn't help seeing all the author-bashing that is going on around here; I don't NEED to see this, and I don't know what I would do if it happened to me. So maybe it's just best that I leave for a while because it sure isn't helping my mood any. I am wondering if my posting here is nothing but a big waste of my time because I see nothing happening!
And the holidays coming up..the holidays used to be fun; now they absolutely terrify me. I work just about every major holiday (INCLUDING Christmas Day, which I think is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!), and each holiday is just but another work day for me. I used to go out and do things; now I spend it at work, and I am so sick of my low paying job right now it isn't funny. I work with people who WON'T speak English, and every day I am spent with frustration, worry, and fear. My boss says I am doing a terrific job, but that doesn't help my mood any when I don't see a raise in my future. I have been at my job for nearly five years, and I am BARELY clearing minimum wage. Other people get raises, including people who HAVEN'T been there as long as I have: when in the HELL is it going to be MY turn? When is it MY turn to be happy? Is it wrong to ask for something good out of life instead of always getting SCREWED??
I would look for another job, but let's face it: nobody will hire me. I am over 40, I am disabled, and I DON'T have reliable transportation. All the GOOD jobs are on the HIGHWAY or in FORT WORTH; I live in a little hick town that doesn't give a darn about its citizens, and there is no transportation for disabled people. So I have to WALK everywhere on a CRUTCH, and it's a royal pain when it is raining, let alone, STORMING outside! Nobody offers me a ride most of the time, and I am out in the elements; it's no wonder I don't feel good a lot of the time because I am in PAIN, and nobody even cares or gives a flying fig about me! Or any other stupid person who happens to be disabled!
So forgive me if I dump my troubles on you. I am just sick and tired of my life right now, and I wouldn't even care if I lived or died. That's how bad I feel, and with the holidays approaching, I dread each day now more than ever!
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|Reviewed by Tabetha Burton (Reader)
|Your life do not have to suck
just say out loud now Jesus I
believe and I receive you in
my heart please help me you can
also go to leroyjenkins.com to
|Reviewed by Jackie (Micke) Jinks
|Karen - I didn't know you were going through all these misgivings; but at the time you wrote this, I hadn't come back to AD, yet.
Ya' know - about working the Holidays - I think you are doing a NOBLE thing, volantarily or not. Here's a thought...talk to the manager NOW about having off on Christmas this year...tell 'em how much that would mean to you! If he/she says it's too early to OK, give a little reminder of your request in July, and each month 'til you get a positive reply :o) If the reply is negative, please don't let it upset you. Let 'em know you are really disappointed, but can overcome their decisions!
Just hope you are not having to walk to work in this horible heat we are having!
Blessings to you, as you so often give to others...
|Reviewed by Tracey L. O' Very (Reader)
|Karen, I know how you feel. Like you are an invisable and no one hears or sees you. I got to the point I would ask people that would pass me if they could see me and hear me. They thought I was nuts but I was! No it's not wrong at all to want a raise and be angry for those who get more than they should and what you so deserve. The hick town and the refusing to speak English I know that one. That one urks me to no end. nother story. The den... well gotcha on that one I took many of my poems off one day when feeling just like you. But for some reason we keep on going "we carry on" as Tim McGraw sings why? we don't know but know that there is a reason and your writings we need! so don't stop You write Much Better than I and You know you know what it is called that you write I have no clue. i just kinda put them up and let all of everyone tell me yeah nay verse what ever. I truly can relate. Truly. I'm still here and things happened here lately that are unforgivable! and why I haven't done myself in when it is so easy to do there is a reason There is. SO NEVER feel bad or ask anyone to bear withyou when days are long and hard. WE Love You and don't know what we'd do without you. You bring smiles my way all the time and you keep me going. You do. There is a light at the end of this tunnel it's a path of stepping stones laid out and the stone being placed for you now is a better one than the last. Have faith in yourself and the Lord. even if you feel as you've been abandond. One day maybe I'll tell you how i feel today. about things. lemme just remind you you're not alone in the boat Many are there with you. WE are! we Love you and Admire you! No lie!
And I don't just say things to say things either. Not that type. Always the truth. My word is my word.
Love, yer friend west of you, Tracey xoxo : )WE have alot in common remember? Karen, Texas
|Reviewed by Safi Abdi
|Karen, it's people like you that keep AD going:) I can't thank you enough for your enthusiasm and opennes, and I don't think I'm alone in this. Keep up the good work and hang in there, you can do it!
|Reviewed by Dave Harm
|Karen, holidays seem to bring a dose of negative reality into everyones life. Believe me when I say, life at times does suck. For ones being down, it just doesn't seem to work. To live an honest spiritual life at times, feels like it just ain't worth it. Then I remember, Christianity is about suffering. And I hope and believe that life will get better. No "pep cheers" just the reality, that some times, "things will get worse before they get better." But they will get better. I pray that you continue to write, to share your thoughts and reality with us all. And I pray you continue to write, some very special reviews for people. When you question your own talents, but continue to praise others - this is truly being a Christian. God bless, Dave|
|Reviewed by Herman Neuman
|Dear Karen, Hi again.
Joni E. Tada is also one of my favorites.
Your story brings me tears. I wish that I could help you and that
you were not so far away. I visit patients in a hospital. They and my readership tell me unbelievable personal horror stories.
May God bless you as He has me.
|Reviewed by Diane Ackley
|Don't stop writing, Karen. You're right; those of us who don't have disabilities can't completely understand what you go through. That's why you write. Put it right in the faces of everyone; don't let it be hidden any more.
If someone bashes you for writing these things, feel sorry for them (I know, easier said than done.). Many people are incapable of understanding a point of view other than their own, I think. Or perhaps they don't WANT to see it for fear of actually learning something about themselves?
Unlike many people, I don't kid myself that disabilities, homelessness, poverty, etc., exist only for "other" people, that it couldn't happen to me. Life happens. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and it's not their fault. I grew up with a brother who is autistic, and although my childhood was very difficult, I realize how lucky I am to be where I am today.
Much of where we wind up is THE LUCK OF THE DRAW, BABY. Those who think otherwise are kidding themselves. Don't let them perpetuate that little myth, Karen. Keep writing; make them see reality. Don't give up; don't become one of the many who move about their lives with dead eyes and no dreams. You're better than that.
I'm sorry that everything's so difficult, Karen. It's NOT fair. But your passion in life is writing, and if you give that up, you've given up everything that IS life. Do it for yourself, for your own happiness. Don't give up.
|Reviewed by Sage Writer (Reader)
|They say change your mind, change your life and also don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff...compared to the grand scales of life. It's easier said than done. I know, I've been there, somedays still. Thanks for sharing these deep feelings with us. Just know that you are not alone.|
|Reviewed by Radford Castro (Reader)
|I hope you'll find comfort through these responses. Don't ever give up your passion to write....and from the looks of this...you're not. Take care of yourself. I hope things will get better for you in the future.|
|Reviewed by A Serviceable Villain
Powerful, poignant, profound, & resounding - thanks for having the intestinal fortitude to open up & share your inner most feelings -Bravo, my friend!!
|Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner
you don't write so we can feel sorry for you. you write because you have to. without your educational, inspiring writes, no one would know what people with disabilities go through.
hope things improve--because YOU deserve all good things :)
(((HUGS))) and love, karla. :)
|Reviewed by Sarah Tagert
|I know how you feel to a degree, I am having a "poor pitiful me" episode as well. Everyone has to vent from time to time. I don't mind you "dumping" on me at all. I know you would listen patiently if I ever need to do the same to you. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help, and know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.|
|Reviewed by Michelle Kidwell Power In The Pen
I am sorry you are feeling this way write now, you know that you always have a friend in me, and if you need to talk you know how to get through to me... My prayers are with you now and always
Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado