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Gillis Triplett

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The Toilet Seat Apology
by Gillis Triplett   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Saturday, April 02, 2005
Posted: Friday, April 01, 2005

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It's happened to you before... the toilet seat dilemma. You want it down, he leaves it up! After years of wronging you, the men have gathered together and are now offering a formal apology...

We sincerely apologize for all the men who subjected their wives/girlfriends to the emotionally harrowing and psychologically traumatizing experience of leaving the toilet seat up, (or down). Apparently the location of the toilet seat (either up or down) could be so impacting on the female psyche that it would incite some women to incessantly nag, fuss, fight, curse and literally set out to sabotage their relationships and marriages.

How insensitive of men to neglect a woman's God-given, inalienable, constitutional right to have the toilet seat down (or up) each and every time she approaches the toilet to relieve herself. How dare a man and how trifling for men to commit the punishable offence of leaving the toilet set up, (or down). Again, forgive us for we know not what we have done.

For this unforgivable infraction, you have held grudges, insisted on counseling and therapy, yelled, nagged and screamed to no end. To further drive home your point, you have forced separation, filed divorce, held back sexual relations, stopped communicating and otherwise made life a living hell... all because he left the toilet seat up, (or down).

Who would have thought that in the dynamics, nuances and ebb and flow of relationships and marriage that the position of the toilet seat could become such an emphatic source of contention; to the point of determining the temperature and outcome of a relationship or marriage? You have heard some men and women say that you are shallow, bullheaded, mindless and anal for making an issue over something as trivial as the position of the toilet seat, (either up or down). How dare they? These people are dead wrong and should be lambasted!

Girlfriend, don’t believe them, you DO NOT have a problem! (He, he, he, ha, ha, ha...)

If the toilet seat is up, (or down) when you come to relieve yourself, you have every right to feel terribly slighted. When the toilet seat is not in the position you rightfully demand, (either up or down) you should hold him accountable. Make him pay! Become fumed, enraged, start pouting, seek vengeance or do something evil like that.

That is how all sensible levelheaded women act, right?

Clearly, it is an insult and an outrage for a man or child to leave the toilet seat up, (or down) and you should be peeved. Again, how dare they? Shouldn't men be able to comprehend the traumatizing impact of a woman approaching a toilet with the seat in the open, or closed position?

Don’t men understand that some women are unable and incapable of (lifting or closing then lifting) the toilet seat before relieving themselves? True, these women are capable of performing these simple one-second, one-handed tasks after they relieve themselves, but they will be damned if they perform them beforehand. It’s unfeminine, unwomanly and unconstitutional! Hell, it’s downright sinful and ungodly!

Again, how stupid of men. 

Even at work, at a restaurant or in a public place, when a woman enters the ladies room and finds the toilet seat in the wrong position, (either up or down) depending on which position she insistently demands it should be in, treat them in the same manner as your husband or boyfriend… its time to strike back! Find the manager and chew his or her ear off and give them a piece of your mind! File a complaint or lawsuit. Do something to show that you are perturbed and that your rights have been violated! Again, how dare someone leave the toilet seat in the wrong position; bunch of inconsiderate pigs!

Again, we apologize…

Copyright © 2005 Gillis Triplett. All rights reserved


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Reviewed by Mary Valentine (Reader) 6/5/2015
As newlyweds, my late husband and I compromised after I fell in the toilet one dark night when he, foul beast that he was, left in the INCORRECT position. After finishing laughing himself silly and I beating him with pillows, he said, "Okay, deal. I'll keep leave the seat down IF you agree to keep the lid down. Seemed fair. From that day on, we always kept both the seat and the lid down after use. To this day, more than 40 years later, I still keep them both down and treasure that memory of the day we made that most excellent of compromises.
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 4/2/2005
chuckle, when my kids were little their dad learned the hard way it is wise to leave the toilet lid and seat down.... dad walked down the hall following the sound of a happy little voice to find son #2, 2 years old, singing and stirring his dad's new shoes with a little drum stick, IN the toilet bowl..
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