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Scotty's Soap Box...Interviews That Will Never Happen...

Last edited: Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Posted: Thursday, September 06, 2001

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These are the people I would really love to have a sit-down and chat about the issues. But, it will never happen! But what if.......?

Phillips: Today I have the honor and pleasure to discuss issues with Senator Ted Kennedy. Senator it's a honor to have this time to talk to you.
Kennedy: Burp…….. I bet it is!
Phillips: Wooooo….. Senator, was that good-old sipping whiskey or vodka I just smelt from that belch you rendered my way?
Kennedy: Listen Jerk, I thought we were going to discuss the issues facing Americans and not my personal habits!
Phillips: Sorry Senator. Let's start with my favorite issue, the second amendment. Give us your take on our Founder Fathers of the right to keep and bear arms.
Kennedy: They no doubt had to be drunk burp……….. when they wrote this amendment. Let me back-up, maybe it was a good thing to have this amendment since during this era of America history we were faced with the threat from Japan and we needed a militia to meet this threat.
Phillips: Senator, with no respect, but I believe that was the British during this era.
Kennedy: Burb….. Your just a regular little smart-.#s ain't you! All of you .#% conservators are just a like!
Phillips: Sorry. Maybe I should have asked the question differently.
Kennedy: You .%# right you should have. Don’t try to get in a history "text" with old Ted….
Phillips: Once again Senator and with no disrespect, I believe that’s "test" not text."
Kennedy: Are you ever going to ask me a real question you little conservative .#$%#.# redneck ? Belch…..
Phillips: Guns! How do you feel about ones rights to own guns?
Kennedy: I think that Senator McCain is doing the right thing for all Americans with his message about guns that is being broadcasted in all the theaters across the country. He is showing true bi-partisanship with his message. Well, maybe he's kissing a little .#s too…he-he…ha-ha-ha, burb……..…
Phillips: Senator, do you own a firearm?
Kennedy: Burb….. Not sure?
Phillips: Ok, I want to purchase a gun right after we finish this interview. What are your feelings on this?
Kennedy: Don't carry it into the theater.
Phillips: So, you do agree that Americas do have the right to purchase and bear arms!
Kennedy: I think your just like all the, burp……., rest of the .#%$.#$ conservatives by avoiding the question.
Phillips: Senator, I see you brought your reading glasses with you. Would you please read this question that I've wrote down on this piece of paper.
Kennedy: Ooooo….., now were going to get into a .#% reading contest! …burp…belch….burp….
Phillips: Senator, with all due respect, please read the question. Maybe it will help both us get on the same page here.
Kennedy: Give me that .#$ paper ….burp… you little .#$.. OK, Do you believe that Americans have the right to keep and …….., I'm not going to read, or answer this question. It's a trick question!
Phillips: Senator, On behalf of all Americans, I thank you for your time and it's been a pleasure talking with you today.
Kennedy: Burb……., what's wrong you little .#$t?!?! Had enough of avoiding the issues? You .#% conservatives are all alike! HeHe…HaHa……burp…..blech….burp…
Phillips: Once again, thanks for your time Senator. By the way, want to go down to the pub and have a few with me. I'll buy the first round!
Kennedy: Meet you there in fifteen minutes!
Phillips: Ladies and gentleman, I hope you enjoyed our conversation today with Senator Kennedy and I hope you will join us next week when I have the pleasure to sit-down with Rosie O'Donnell.

Scotty Phillips is an independent columnist. He is the author of the book "JUSTICE RENDERED 2000." He can be reached at Scotty. or


Reader Reviews for "Scotty's Soap Box...Interviews That Will Never Happen..."

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Reviewed by miranda smith (Reader)
It is too bad that Kennedy killed an

innocent Mary Jo Kopechnie and her fetus so she cannot be here to give her point of view
Reviewed by J Michael Kearney
A ten for the humor alone! Well done, but expect hate mail from "The People's Republic of Mass." // Fine writing!
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