edited: Saturday, February 04, 2006
By E T Waldron
Not "rated" by the Author.
Posted: Saturday, February 04, 2006
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Only the shadow knows;-)
We all have similar experiences throughout life's journey. Though some have things happen a bit more unusual than others,which makes the tribulations more intense.
Like when bad things come in three's. Or happen in such uncanny circumstance that they become overwhelming. This is the way things occured in my life. It was never just a simple event.
When I had my first heart attack it was misdiagnosed as muscle spasm, from golfing.My sister and I belonged to a womens league, we did a lot of practice golfing together. So that one night after golfing we came home, had pizza, and I started to have a lot of pain, which I thought was indigestion.I was working as a NP at the time while going to nursing school at the same hospital I worked at and I lived within walking distance of the facility.
This was after my restaurant burned down and I moved from New Jersey to Illinois. So within that same period of less than two years I had a lot of changes and trauma.
That evening the pain got worse and I had some weird sensations, like chills going through me while heart palpatations were very rapid. I had strained a chest muscle while lifting and moving a patient a month before. So when I went to the trauma center at the hospital I worked at, they took a electricardiogram, and the doctor gave me a thorough going over.
My family doctor happened to be on vacation (another factor). Anyway, they gave me some mylanta, wrapped a binder around my chest for what they thought was the aggravated muscle
from golfing, and after the blood work and tests sent me home to rest. Told me not to come into work Monday. This happened on a saturday.
Sunday evening I was rushed to the hospital, this time the heart attack was evident and they had more cardiologists read the first cardiogram and he found problems. A few days later after tests etc they decided I'd had two heart attacks.
After angiograms and other tests, I had my first by pass surgery. To get to the point of my story, suffice it to say it made a huge change in my life.
The type of problems I had meant I could no longer do nursing. A lot of other things happened after that which put me back in the hospital about 8 times in the next six months. They couldn't get my blood pressure stabilized, or the right combination medication because I now had a thyroid problem and my pressure was so unstable it would swing from very low to extrememely high, which kept me in the hospital 2 months.
When they finally got me stabilized I went home for awhile, but I kept having problems and angina pain. It was almost a year after the bypass surgeryI went in again for tests and they decided I needed an angioplasty. They found in another angiogram that one of the bypasses had closed and while they were deciding what to do I had a third heart attack.
When the time came that they could do the the angioplasty it was close to Christmas. My sister had come to visit me in the hospital and had a cold. She said I'd better get well quick because she wanted me home for Christmas. It was the 16th of December.
My angioplasty was scheduled for the 18th. The next day my son and brother-in-law came to see me with the news that my sister had died in her sleep the night before. She had what they call silent ischemia. That's a sneak heart attack, because it happens without pain or warning and usually is massive enough to kill.
So here I was in the hospital after having had 3 heart attacks, surgery, etc and all that sickness, and my sister dies unexpectedly with no symptoms. I can tell you it is just one of the many surrealistic events in my life, and the fact that I'm still here and had even another bypass in 2001, just shows how incredibly unbelievable life can be. For we never know from one day to the next what will happen
My sister and I were extremely close, we were best friends who did everything together. It was a period in my life that I hope will never be repeated. I thought when my son was killed in a car accident before this happened that it was the worst could ever happen to me. I've never been able to write about my sons death.
Well it was the worst ,but all my heart problems hopitals stays and losing my sister in such an uncanny way just about equaled it! I tell others it is wrong to feel guilt when other family members die, yet I can't help but feel guilty that they are gone and I'm still here. Everyone thought with all my ill health I'd have an early death. I did too. Only god knows why I'm still here, I sure as hell don't!
Web Site: Me on radio
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|Reviewed by MaryGrace Patterson
|I have been through lots of things in my life , but yours has been like a roller coaster. Looking back , I'm sure you are amazed about how you survived it all. They say things happen for a reason , but sometimes its very hard to understand why. I'm sorry about the loss of your sister. It must have been terrible for you..Blessings.....M
(I'm sure God was watching over you)
|Reviewed by Vesna Vanessa
YOU are a warrior..perhaps THAT is why you ares still here..and besides you still have work to do..when you reconnect with your Beloved you'll know WHY you're still here..
There's a great new book out ..Eternal Twin Flame Love..It was written by my friend Shanna, www.circleoflight.net I was one of the first to read it and have left a review on her site and Amazon..I think you'll love it Eileen...
|Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher
|Dear Eileen, this is a very moving article and very well written. We all do wonder at times, why we are (still) here, but we definitly thank God that you are still here!!! And that you have the strength to keep going!
Lots of love from Birgit and Roger
|Reviewed by Peter Paton
|My mum used to say " A creaking gate hangs on the longest !"..,don't worry about it Eileen, God knows best in all situations !
|Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
There have been plenty enough times in my life where I have wondered why I was even here, but now that I am in my forties and have gotten my Gift for words, I think it is to bless and encourage others through ways that I can't do verbally. I am indeed honored to be a writer, and I think I have grown as a person inside and out because OF my writing. (Sure, I DO have a ways to go yet, but don't we ALL? *giggle*) Very well thougth out and well put article!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your Tx. friend, Karen Lynn. :D
|Reviewed by Carolyn Red Bear (The Bear Paw)
|Eileen, how much a person does not know where another person has been!!! You are a strong woman, no excuses necessary. Yeah, things are supposed to come in three's, but let me tell you... in the last 13 months, there have been 8 deaths in my family. And I am so confused with life. I am tired. I get up each morning wondering what it's all worth, and somehow I find myself getting up each morning. Guilty? yeah.... I know what you mean.....
|Reviewed by Sage Sweetwater
|A strong mind, but gentle breeze you are. A zephyr angelic astral traveler riding on the wings of fate. Those qualities make for wise, spiritual, and above all else, our Den Mother. Blessed Be, Eileen.
|Reviewed by Janet Parker
|I've always wanted to know more about you, Eileen. This whole series of events is amazing and very sad. I didn't know you had lost a son. My heart breaks knowing that. And yet, you are such a positive and spiritual person. You amaze me! I am very thankful that you are still here and I am blessed by your writing. Love, Janet|
|Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
|God placed us here to do a certain task...but I am so far behind....I will go past my due date!!
Thanks for sharing this very deep and insightful piece sis!!
|Reviewed by Mr. Ed
|Only god knows why I'm still here, I sure as hell don't!
I doubt if any of us really do, Tiger Lily. My grandmother had eight children, and they have died in the exact reverse order of their births; only the very oldest child, now in his mid 90s, survives.
Maybe you're right, 'Only the Shadow Knows.'
|Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
|The mysteries of life . . . and death are manyfold and complex. At least complex to we mere mortals. And, yes, I could tell you stories also, but the fact is, as Karla said, you were left because of reasons too deep to fathom. Well, she didn't say that, but . . . Writing about your son's death? I am not all that sure that writing about something so very personal as that really helps, maybe some people it does, but I wonder, and besides,do we really WANT to ease our burden, even that would be cause to feel guilty. Hope I didn't muddle things up, just my thoughts.|
|Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner
There is a reason you are here. I believe it is to talk about your life's experiences and share what the Creator has done for you, keeping you alive through all of your health scares, despite the prognosis. You are a living miracle. Revel in each day you wake up; honor His gift with words; and continue to bless others as I have been blessed by your words and friendship.
An honest, open letter from the heart, very well conveyed.
I'm sorry for the loss of your sister.
((((HUGS)))) and love, Karla.
|Reviewed by Carmen Ruggero
|We're not done until we're done according to our Creator. You had things yet to accomplish. We all have a mission, Eileen. Of that, I am convinced. God Bless you.