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Chanti Niven

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Romance! What women want,
By Chanti Niven   
Not "rated" by the Author.
Last edited: Friday, March 10, 2006
Posted: Friday, March 10, 2006

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What do women want? My brother asked me this question and it got me thinking.


I know I speak for most women when I say that for us romantic gestures are important.  It is unusual for a woman to buy a man chocolates or flowers on any regular basis but women do expect men to buy them these things (sorry men but it's true ). It is not, however, unusual for women to buy their men cards. Women love to express their feelings in written form and will spend hours searching for just the right card. Men on the other hand don't usually take an awful lot of time pondering what card will best fit. I know I am generalizing when I say this because there are men who are extremely expressive and who are able to pen poetry and write romantic prose (look at all the poets here at the Den), but for the average male, this is not something you can expect. My ex husband used to ignore Valentine's Day.  He always said it was a commercial rip off and in his mind he was doing his bit as an active protester. When I did get a card from him, it was usually just signed with his name - no romantic mushy stuff at all. He once bought me a birthday card with a picture of flowers on the front. I opened it up and all it said was 'Congratulations!'. I wondered, 'for what? making it through another year with you?'

I decided to write this article after my brother asked me how to impress a woman. He's been out of the dating game for some years now and is a little out of practice.  He asked me if flowers and cards worked and I said "Yes, but be sure to be original or it becomes boring."  Naturally, he was curious about what I meant by original and so I had to explain.  A woman is far more excited by a surprise than she is by those token expressions of love.  One of the most romantic gestures I've ever personally experienced was when my man designed his own e-cards to send me. Each day while I was sleeping he'd look for the perfect picture, write words that fitted and then send the result to me by email. On rising each day, I'd rush to my computer to see what new thing he'd cooked up.  Every day was a surprise. At times he was expressive with his love and longing but at other times he added humour because he knew it would make me smile. I wonder if he ever realised just how much these gestures meant to me. He was never predictable and this only made being with him more exciting. 

If you want your partner to know how much you love her, find new and original ways to show her. It is important that you do this if you want your relationship to work. It is all too easy to become lazy and to take her love for granted. Women love these romantic gestures and will blossom if you are able to express your love this way. I have a friend who is married to a man who in spite of a busy career finds the time to show her how much he loves her and they've been happily married for thirty years Each day he leaves a flower upon her pillow with a handwritten note or a poem.  She has a formidable collection of teddy bears (a woman's weakness) and sexy lingerie, all provided by her doting husband. She is not beautiful but she radiates with a deep inner glow - especially when her husband is in the room. He is always so attentive and compliments her often in public as well as privately. I always delight to hear her talking about his latest romantic gesture.

Flowers, chocolates, stuffed toys and even items of jewelry are tried and tested romantic gestures and should not be ignored but you don't need to go to great expense to show your love. A handpicked flower is just as romantic as a bunch of store bought flowers (maybe even more so).  A handwritten note on her pillow will bring a tear to her eye quicker than a card bought from a shop.  A lovingly prepared meal or even a cup of tea at the end of a hard day will endear her to you just as much as a special dinner out.  A foot massage in front of the television is far more romantic than a coupon for a day visit to the local spa.  (although a day at the spa sounds delightful to me at this point in my life)

Find countless different ways to tell her you love her. I never tire of hearing those words from the man I love. Pop a note in her pocket or in her briefcase if she is a busy careerwoman.  There are many original ways to express your love. The important thing is that you do it regularly and that you don't take your relationship for granted.  The old saying 'You reap what you sow' is so very true . A woman who is loved will respond with love.


I know that I've directed this article towards men but that is because my brother provoked it with his question. It occurred to me that men might want to know what women want  This doesn't mean that women shouldn't make any effort.  A relationship is a two way street and women are just as responsible for keeping the romance alive.

The greatest piece of advice I can give to men who want to keep their women happy is, LISTEN!  We don't necessarily want you to solve all of our problems but we love it when you listen to what we have to say and make appropriate noises.  When a woman complains about a tough day, we don't want you to tell us what we could have done differently or better. What we do want is for you to be compassionate and loving. An embrace at the right time means the world to us.  When a woman is feeling frustrated she might respond well to "Come here and let me hold you"  The tension of her day will melt in the comfort of your arms.  The very worse thing you can do when she's being a little crabby is to say, "Is it that time of the month?"  You are quite literally playing with your life.  I don't care how liberated a woman is, women want to feel protected by a man. She likes a strong man but not necessarily a cave man.  She will enjoy sensual romantic gestures more than she will to being handled roughly.  A sensual kiss on the shoulder or neck while she is cooking or a loving kiss on her closed eyelids will melt her every time.  At times she will respond well to a cheeky pinch on the bottom or to being thrown down on the bed and ravished but if you are sensitive to her moods and adapt your behaviour accordingly you will have a very happy woman on your hands.

I know that I haven't covered everything in this article. There is just so much to say about this one subject. It would be interesting to hear from a man's perspective what they want from a woman romantically speaking. So often we assume one thing and are surprised to hear differently.

Chanti 2006
      


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Reviewed by Richard jackson (Reader) 1/5/2010
Taking your time to think of original ideas pays off greatly. I once drew a bath for my partner when she got home from a long day at work. I had been planning it all day. I filled the tub with rose petals and surrounded it with candles. She was so overwhelmed with love. Another thing I often did was send flowers on any day, not just a holiday, to her at work. Women love the attention they get from thier friends. they love for them to know how much they are loved. And listening is very important. Sometimes you can dismiss stuff because they dont always want you to remember everything, ive learned that. But they do love when you pay attention and remember some stuff. Especially the little things. And remember what she likes. Even if its a candy bar or a certain flavor of gum. the little stuff is important. It lets her know that she is important. I constantly look for new ways to show my partner I love her. If your lady says she isnt into romance its a lie. romance comes in many ways, you just have to find what she is into. Sitting in front of the T.V. giving her a foot massage is just as romantic to some women as a dozen long stem roses. Pay attention to her and know your woman!!! From a guy who melts his women!!!
Reviewed by Poetess of The Soul Sheila G 4/22/2009
YOU pretty much covered quite a bit Chanti! I know my sweet man leaves a note taped to my towel(if I'm heading into the shower and he places my favorite candle on the side of the sink. I smile when I see THEM. He is one to write poetry, once in awhile (mostly special occasions he will write one in a card or have it printed and folded in the card). When I see a note on the table and how he signed off, with sweetness, I almost cry (7 yrs. and we met on Match.com and he has growing kids, 19, boy, 16girl, and 15teen girl, we have weekends) but he makes an effort and I still see it. He plays a guitar (has a few cuz it's ONE of his passions) and he plays for me, when sitting outside ( I never want that to change) as he sips his coffee/etc. He listens intently ( you got that right) when he does ask me a ? about what I am sharing, I know he is listening and cares about the situation. The nibbles here and there (in unsuspecting times) is an intense feeling to me. Just to walk by and rub my back, as I sqiggle, and say OH, MORE, OH, MORE More.. cuz he got me going and he SMILES and does, wins my heart! And.. compliments to HIM helps a lot! The more compliments you let him aware of, he knows where he stands and by your response too! Paul also askes often, while going in the kitchen, 'what something honey' and I smile inside, cuz he is a giver and not a taker... My EX was! Ex of 19yrs and married him 2X/s - Dumb but I wanted it to work out then I realized I wanted BETTER and deserved better. Thank you for sharing so much of what can and does make a woman smile, also to open the door for her - will put a smile on her face, tell your brother. And.. If she likes Ice Coffee,or Coffee Milk, etc. pick it up BEFORE he sees her (whatever he thinks alone, I think will touch her heart deeply) I hope he is HAPPY and SHE treats him with love and respect, and won't be a TAKER! #2 Takers don't cut it...

Stay Positive!
Warmest Blessings and Peace, Warrior Purple Lady SHEExooo
Pss...Chanti - YOU have a way of writing your articles with a sweet easy flair to them, I get way to wordy.. Must try harder! I appreciate yours and love reading them. I try to get to most...
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 8/5/2007
Wild at heart and Captivating are two books that changed my life....
Where were they 20 yrs back?
Reviewed by neerja gandhi 5/20/2007
yep.........true.neerja.
Reviewed by mz kimi 12/28/2006
amen!
Reviewed by Anna Marie Fritz (Reader) 12/2/2006
"Listen!"

Yes, yes, yes...for me...that is the most important quality of all.
Most men only love to hear the sound of their own voice. Oh sure...in the 'beginning,' of the courtship they may praise the woman's voice in verse or with nice compliments...but something seems to go awry after that first 'hello.' I think that's where she loses him...after that first hello. Hee hee...
I enjoyed this article, Chanti dear!
Reviewed by Tom Hyland 10/17/2006
Gal you hit the nail right on the head! The book years ago, about Mars & Venus said the same things. I watched 6 half-hour tapes of same. Sadly though, it was years after my marriage of 34 years had ended. For 20 years we grew together, then for 14 grew apart. A lost job, a failed business, constant arguments over financial problems took its toll.

But, not once did I ever miss any special occasion - special card, custom poem, flowers, dinner, chocolates... The shame is that Love does not conquer all - sometimes life dishes out serious pitfalls, so beware!

GREAT ARTICLE ! but never become complacent - NEVER!

Reviewed by Blue Sleighty 8/10/2006
Excellent article! It's more than a good article- it's a public service. lol I believe it is quite accurate. For me, rating even above romance, surprises, and evidence that we are being thought of- is 1.) being taken seriously, 2.) respect for and confidence in my intelligence and abilities. That'a a huge turn on for me.
Reviewed by Masood Lohar 7/15/2006
I recently visited a Pheasantry where many beautiful pheasants were bread in captivity. I saw male pheasants with multicour beautiful feathers dancing and making very intereting moves to attract their females for mating. Lo and behold the females were as indifferent as if nothing was going on.

Contraray to female pheasants male Pheasants are very beautiful and their beauty attracts even human beings, let alone their females. So this female indifference and reluctance is the part of the game we call Life. It needs creativity and originality.

Women want a long exclusive love
Men try some quick abrupt move
Women look for the rose’s bloom
But men just care about its perfume

The words women think are everything
But men just care about their meaning
Till the Day of Judgment they’ll fight
When God will tell them who’s right

Masood
Reviewed by gaurishankar chemudupati 3/18/2006
Oh! Dear Chantal, you are magnificiant ! It exactly matches with my observation about a woman's mind ! The routine is not liked ,bbu on the contrary, every woman wants to be noticed as special all the days. They like the contonued love in the man theylove
Though simple, they want to be recognised as special!They also want that every bit of their beautiful look must be noticed and appreciated by the man, like how their cheeks look while blushing, while smiling, while sleeping, in anger, in pleasant moments, while in romance, while meeting after a long seperation,etc. Every woman wants to be noticed in good moods and asspecial. Comparison withother women she never likes . Very nice article ,dear Chantal!
Reviewed by Mary Lynn Plaisance 3/13/2006
Excellent article. I'm Libra and I like love expressed in romantic ways, words, touch, anyway. Always did love romance. I would rather have a card that my husband READ and HE signed..(OH and he knows this, *lol*)-than a dozen of roses that he called and had sent. I get the roses too.....

You covered it all, Chanti..I can't think of anything you left out.
Thanks for sharing.
Mary Lynn~
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 3/10/2006
Thanks for the pointers, Chanti. It does seem to all make sense. Love and peace to you,

Regis
Reviewed by Rosemarie Skaine 3/10/2006
Excellent article. So often we forget that listening is the counterpart to talking and that it brings real communication. R
Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 3/10/2006
As far as I am concerned, you are right right down the line.
Little things count. . .a l o t. After 52 years of marriage,
my husband and I still send each other mushy cards -- 'occasion' or no -- and work to surprise. Money's a bit tight, so we can't afford
to go overboard. Doesn't matter! It is a crying shame that
so many people have grown cynical. Sincere expressions of
love will never -- repeat, never -- go out of date!! Every single one of us needs to know we are cherished by someone. In my experience, men {however they may scoff} are the biggest romantics of all. Need at least as much pampering as we do! Thanks for the
thought-provoking write. 'Pea' <3
Reviewed by L. Figgins 3/10/2006
What sails a women's kite? Show a genuine interest in what interests her and be encouraging. Help her to realize her dreams.I am much more impressed by genuine concern and care than empty ritual. The best gift I ever received was a large standing easel. Yes, a surprise because it took care and thought. I treasure it to this day.
I won't say I don't appreciate flowers but yes the unexpected is better. If she's tired, pamper her. We give so much to others. It's nice to have our needs attended to. Just my two cents, Chanti. Listening and comfort in lieu of advice(men always want to fix things)was good advice. Now that's universal!

Lin
Reviewed by Felix Perry 3/10/2006
I don't proclaim to know what a women wants but....
I have been around a lot I guess and I have as a writer with imagination and as my mother used to say a tender heart I think I have learned a few things in my day. First no two women are alike so we can't assume anything but a general rule of thumb is that if you would like it done to or for you they will like it. My present wife took the time (shortly after we met) to send me roses and a birthday cake to my work, it is a gesture I never forgot and it set the stage for life. She told me thinks her ex had done or not done and I listened so I would not make the same mistakes. He never remembered her special dates I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget, he never as you said surprized her, I continually try to do that by sening her flowers, buying her perfume or taking her out when it is not special occasion etc
Most important though is to treat every minute as if it may be your last together then you value it all the more.

Felix
Reviewed by Chanti Niven 3/10/2006
Hey Jerry, thanks for your quick response. I liked reading about how you presented your wife with the diamond earrings. Now THAT was original. Well done! I'd love to hear from more men about what they've done in the same vein. As far as buying cards for a women based on what the calendar says, I'm inclined to agree with you but if you don't get her a card and all her friends do get them, you will have a miserable woman on your hands. Sorry, but that is just the way it is.
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader) 3/10/2006
Everything you say is probably true, me being of the male gender I guess I haven't a clue. Surprise is good though. Once I bought my wife some diamond earrings and set them in the refrigerator where I knew she would find them. It worked. She was surprised. I was happy that she was and she worked very hard showing her appreciation, which made me all the more happy. So, yeah, surprise is good. I am not the kind of guy that likes "having" to buy cards because the calender says that I must. I DO it, but I don't like it. Good article.