Hinkly Dinkly Reporting

Today’s mysterious headline

FREEHOLD TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Authorities were trying to identify a mysterious metallic object that crashed through the roof of a house in eastern New Jersey.

Nobody was injured when the golf-ball-sized object, weighing nearly as much as a can of soup, struck the home and embedded itself in a wall Tuesday night. Federal officials sent to the scene said it was not from an aircraft…”But it could be from a spaceship.”
After careful consideration they later recanted that statement and instructed readers to disregard it.

The object is said to have fallen from Deep Space and probably traveled thousands of light years to reach New Jersey. Police have dusted it for fingerprints.

Approximately 20 to 50 rock-like objects fall every day over the entire planet, said Carlton Pryor, a professor of astronomy at Rutgers University.
Pryor said laboratory tests would have to be conducted to determine if the object was a meteorite, however he was reasonably sure it was not a planet.

This reporter phoned Professor Penwose and asked his opinion of the origin of a golf ball sized metallic object weighing as much as a can of soup.

“That is a very difficult question. As you know, no two cans of soup weigh the same so that comparison could have been placed to confuse us by an alien sleeper living amongst us who is obviously not sleeping. I will be anxious to see what the fingerprint powder turns up. As you know aliens have only four fingers so if the prints coincide with the alien skeletal anatomical schematics we may have a major find.
I must caution against over zealousness however…considering the area it’s probably just a petrified piece of garbage or something.”

Before authorities absconded with the mysterious object Police allowed the crowd to closely examine it and said that the strange tingling sensation felt when handling it was probably due to radioactivity.
As a precautionary measure it was placed within a plastic tube.

The finger print results are coming in. Oh! This is interesting.