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Flying Fox AKA Ted L Glines

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by Flying Fox AKA Ted L Glines   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Friday, March 23, 2007
Posted: Thursday, March 22, 2007

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You have probably spent a lot of time pondering the intelligent design of hair ...

by Ted L Glines

No way you can tell me our most distant ancestors weren't furry. You ever walked around naked when it was 35 degrees outside? Didn't think so. Surely we had hair, lots of hair, all over our bodies.

So, what happened? All we have now is the hair on our heads and in three other spots. Sure, we have very fine hair, if you can call it that, all over our bodies, but this is useless hair. Some folks make a decoration out of pubic hair, but that's women for you. The underarm fungus merely sells razors and deoderant. The same is true for facial hair, unless you are a hippy or homeless or a religious nut.

Even the hair on our head is useless except for decoration. We act like we need the hair on our head. We dye it, style it, comb and brush it, trim it, and purchase a wig if any of it is missing. But the hair on our head serves no utilitarian purpose. It had a purpose for our early ancestors. They could drag women around by the hair, but that idea is less than popular these days. Our American Indian brothers liked to scalp people. They'd snatch you bald-headed and then tack up your stinky scalp on the wall above their bed. Sort of an early version of American Idol posters. But that idea lost its popularity, too.

Somewhere along the line, it appears we lost our ancestral hair. Some folks believe that we lost our hair because we began wearing clothes. We must have been wearing clothes a long time before the Garden of Eden. Even Adam and Eve were hairless, or they would not have needed to use fig leaves to cover up the good stuff. But there are tribal folks in Africa who still run around naked, and they are just as hairless as you and me. So it is not about wearing clothes.

Maybe it is Intelligent Design. Is it intelligent to have hair that is useless?

When fish first appeared, they had scales. They still have scales today. When lizards and snakes first appeared, they had scales, too, and they still have scales. Then some lizards changed their scales into feathers and they became birds. And birds never lost their feathers. Some of the fish became amphibians and some of them walked on the land and they became mammals. And the mammals had hair instead of scales. Have a look at deer and wolves and cows and ferrets. They still have hair! The hair keeps them warm. Thus far, the design is intelligent.

However, except for useless decorative patches, humans are hairless. Why? Maybe God did it. Pictures of God show the same useless hair, beard included, like Zeus or some homeless guy. Up until now, this hair situation has remained a big mystery.

It dawned on me (right about here) that Genesis and Revelations might really be accurate - but we are on the wrong planet ...

I think the answer is obvious. We are hairless because we were hairless in the beginning. If we were hairless in the beginning, then we could not have evolved from the mammals. We probably do not belong here at all. We must be aliens from some far distant galaxy and, if we are not careful, we are likely to be evicted.


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Reviewed by Dennis Leischner 3/23/2007

To have hair or not to have hair, that is the question. Of course "editor lady" who you know well enjoys pointing out my receding hairline. To make up for it I have a ponytail...nearing 60 and I have a ponytail!!! I've lost track but it's the third or fourth childhood I'm into now.

So hair has it's place. It's color, style, abundance or lack thereof are there so people will have something to laugh about.

Enjoyed the read my friend.

Reviewed by Debby & Gordon Rosenberg 3/23/2007
thanks...i snickered all the way through....does make one think what lurks in our DNA
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 3/23/2007
God, Zeus, Poseidon, Einsten, Blac Panther's afro and homeless ones...what a great combination!
Sadly you didn't mention Kojak, Yul Brinner and very
Hair is a drag, a good for notthing growing everyday to give bread to the men with cissors.
Have a hairy escape today.
I need to shave now...again.
Reviewed by Felix Perry 3/23/2007
Insighrful and provocative look at the purpose of hair, good points made and certainly a contestant in the Big Bang/Darwinian Theory campaign.

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