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Ruth Houston

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13 Practical Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity
By Ruth Houston   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Monday, December 17, 2007
Posted: Monday, December 17, 2007

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When it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs, you can’t afford to be the last to know. An infidelity expert gives you some practical reasons why it’s in your best interests to search for signs of infidelity.


When it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs, ignorance is not bliss.  If you suspect your spouse of cheating on you, it's to your advantage to search for signs of infidelity to either confirm or disprove what you suspect.  Here are 13 compelling reasons why: 

1. To put your mind at ease.

Suspecting your spouse of infidelity can cause you endless days of worry and many sleepless nights. If it turns out that your spouse isn't cheating, it will be a big relief to know your suspicions were untrue .  The sooner you confront your suspicions, the sooner you can stop worrying and get on with your life.

2. To keep unfounded suspicions from poisoning your marriage and your mind. 

No matter how carefully you try to conceal what you suspect, if you think your spouse is cheating, these troubling thoughts will poison your mind and cause you to view them in a different light.  This will eventually affect other aspects of your marriage like your sex life, the way you interact with your spouse,  and your level of trust --just to name a few. Finding out your suspicions are unfounded can restore balance and breathe new life into your marriage.

3. To find out exactly what you're dealing with. 

If your spouse has been acting strangely, they could be cheating on you.  But what if there's another reason for their strange behavior that has nothing to do with infidelity?   There may be some other problem that's threatening the stability of your marriage.  A discreet search for telltale signs will help you pinpoint what's really going on.

4. To short-circuit an affair in the making. 

Affairs usually happen in stages.  People don't usually turn into cheating spouses overnight.  Your spouse may not have actually cheated yet, but may be seriously entertaining "pre-infidelity thoughts".  Detecting the early warning signs of infidelity gives you an opportunity to stop the affair before it starts.

5. To determine whether or not your marriage is in jeopardy.

All affairs are not the same. Some pose a more serious threat than others. Things may not be as bad as you think - or they could be a whole lot worse.   The kinds of telltale signs you find can give you some insight as to whether your spouse is merely having a fling, or whether there's something much more serious going on. 

6. To prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility that your spouse may leave.

If your spouse's extramarital affair reaches the point that he or she decides to leave you for the other Woman or the Other man, wouldn't you rather know in advance, rather than being taken by surprise?  As devastating as it may be, knowing that this is a possibility gives you time to mentally and emotionally adjust to the idea.

7. To gain control of the situation.

You can feel like a helpless victim if you're not really sure what's going on. You can easily get swept along with the tide.  Knowledge is power.  Once you confirm that an affair is going on, the ball is in your court.  Taking matters into your own hands will not only be therapeutic, it will help you get to the bottom of things. You can take control by making an informed decision about how to handle the situation.

8. To protect yourself sexually. 

If your spouse is having unprotected sex with someone else you are at risk for contracting HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.  Your health, even your life, may be at stake.  If you find signs of an extramarital affair, protect yourself by practicing safe sex.  

9. To take steps to protect yourself (and your children) financially.  

You may need to put certain financial safeguards in place if your spouse is having an extramarital affair that eventually leads to divorce. An unexpected divorce or separation can put an unsuspecting spouse in a serious financial bind and cause a tremendous financial upheaval in your life. If your search for telltale signs indicates that a divorce is on the horizon, you can prepare yourself financially for this possibility. 

10. To seek legal counsel and find out your rights. 

If you find telltale signs that your spouse is cheating, it's to your advantage to consult with an attorney who specializes in matrimonial law to find out your legal rights -- just in case the affair leads to a divorce.  You need to find out in advance what your legal rights or obligations are with regard to alimony, child support, division of marital assets, and more. 

11. To gather evidence of infidelity so you can confront your spouse about the affair.   

Experts all agree that if you have proof  that your spouse is cheating, you should confront them and inform them you know about the affair. This in itself may bring things to a halt. In many cases, once the affair has been discovered, it loses much of its appeal.  Exposing the affair may be all you need to get your marriage back on track.

12. To give you an opportunity to save your marriage. 

Finding signs of infidelity can be a wake-up call.  You can't solve a problem unless you know the problem exists. If you know your spouse is involved with someone else, you can try to determine what may have triggered the affair.  Pinpointing the root cause, or the contributing factors, will give you a fighting chance to seek professional help to see if you can save your marriage from divorce.

13. To focus your energy in the right direction. 

You can waste endless time and energy speculating on whether or not your spouse is having an affair.  You'll be in a constant state of emotional limbo until you find out for sure.  Don't speculate.  Investigate.  Look for telltale signs.   Once you have a clear picture of the situation, you can figure out what your next move should be.  

Safeguard Your Relationship by Searching for Telltale Signs

As  devastating as it may be to find out the truth if your spouse is cheating on you,  not knowing can be a whole lot worse.  It's to your advantage to search for signs of infidelity, if you think your spouse might be having an affair.  In this day and age, there are many practical reasons why you can't afford to be the last to know.  By the time you find out, it may be too late. 

Your search for signs of infidelity does not have to be expensive or time-consuming.  You don't have to hire a private investigator,  buy fancy gadgets or expensive surveillance equipment  to find out the truth.

If you know what to look for, spotting the signs of infidelity will take very little effort on your part.  Knowing what to look for is the key.  All you need are your own eyes and ears, and your personal knowledge of your mate.  A good infidelity reference book can also be a tremendous help.  Of all the infidelity books on the market, Is He Cheating on You - 829 Telltale Signs  is the only book that lists practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs people usually overlook.  For more information, visit  Despite the title, most of the signs in this book apply to cheating women, as well as cheating men.

To get a better idea of what kinds of things to look for, request a free copy of a special report which describes the 21 major categories of infidelity signs and the kind of telltale signs each category contains.  To request your free copy, e-mail  with the words "21 kinds of signs-ad" in the subject line.

About the Author:

Infidelity expert Ruth Houston is the founder of and the author of "Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs".  Ruth has been quoted in USA Today, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times,, iVillage, and numerous others.  She  has been a guest on The Today Show, CNN, Fox News, NBC News, and over 360 radio and TV shows worldwide.

For more information about infidelity, cheating spouses or extramarital affairs, visit or Ruth's blog at  To interview Ruth Houston, call 718 592-6039 or e-mail


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Reviewed by Chris Wright 2/5/2009
I really enjoyed the article. I'm not married yet but I think the article was great in substance. I know how it feels to be the other man and yep it make a joker wanna open up a can of whoopie on somebody. Nevertheless, that would only put another brother in jail. After several situations where I 've been out with sisters who weren't faithful in terms of a dating relationship I began to examine the cheating aspect a little bit deeper. I personally think its a spiritual battle. If you get a chance check out my article Love is in his Blood. I'd love to get your response on it. Until next time I hope you continue your mission to bring about awareness for better relationships. We definitely need them in the black family. Thanks again for an enlightening read and have a ghetto fabulous day!

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