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Jane St Clair

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The Non-Bucket List - 10 Things Not to do before you die
by Jane St Clair   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Monday, April 26, 2010
Posted: Wednesday, January 16, 2008

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Before you die, you don't want to see the Thing in the Desert or go apple picking

The latest fad is to make a "life list" of things you want to do before you die. There are bestselling books like "1000 Places to Visit Before You Die" and "1000 Things to Do Before You Die" and everyone's who's anyone has such a list. In their new movie, The Bucket List, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman go through a list of things they want to do before they kick the bucket and it’s doing great box office, despite the morbid subject. I think it's more important to make a Non-Bucket List. Some things are absolutely overrated and just a waste of time, especially considering you want to do them BEFORE YOU DIE – time's running out, after all. As a valuable contribution to this fad, I offer a list of………. Drum roll……ta dah!.......... TEN THINGS NOT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE 1. Rodeo Drive and Beverly Hills is cheesier than you pictured it. Everyone’s gone to Malibu. If you take the movie star home tour, you’ll drive by houses owned by Lucille Ball and Clark Gable. 2. German takes forever to learn and no one speaks it. 3. The first and last Rocky movies are okay: don't bother seeing the ones inbetween. 4. Your class reunion will disappoint you. She or he (you know, the ONE) won’t be there and the prom king and queen will still manage to rule the day. 5. The Bates Method, which has you doing exercises in order to see without your glasses, doesn't work even though Aldous Huxley tried it too. 6. Lake Michigan is really too cold for swimming. 7. Taking the kids to pick apples or pumpkins is a waste of time. The actual picking takes about five minutes and they whine all the way to the farm. 8. Society weddings are not as much fun as weddings of low class people. 9. James Joyce's Ulysses is almost like translating Medieval English and just as tedious. 10. Don't bother going to see "The Thing In the Desert" between Tucson and Phoenix. It’s not scary at all.  


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Reviewed by Lynette Bat-Abba 9/17/2009
I love it! Your writing and humor was a wonderful break in my dull studies today! Thank you! :-)
Reviewed by Linda Law 7/1/2008
I'm still laughing Jane... good...scratch that...GREAT list! The pumpkin/apple thing is SOOOO TRUE... THat THING in the simply that.. The class reunion is so funny...made me remember the last one...HE wasn't there...everyone looked ANCIENT...and..I was laughing all the way home! I love Low-Class Weddings, parties, and just cool!... My dad spoke German and I never understood a lick! Got through a couple pages of Ulysses and wondered WHY did I want to read it? Never been to Lake Michigan, but now I know it's cold! Yup to RodeoDr and all that Hollywood stuff..Well, The first Rocky was ok...just can't talk myself into anymore torture... and well... I have to wear glasses to read, and no one can fix that except $$$$$$$$$... Great article. I'm really interested in your other work.. Hope to keep track of you. Bet you are a fun person in true life...(this is make believe of course!) Best to you. lindalaw
Reviewed by CAROL HEGBERG 1/28/2008
Love the idea, but don't agree with the 10 not-to-do things. That doesn't matter; it's the idea that counts.
Reviewed by Eileen Granfors 1/16/2008
Hilarious and I completely agree, Jane. We are all much too list-oriented, and a lot of that comes from "The Machine" of PR and publishing, trying to tell us what matters, including the reading public! Smart, funny article. more more more! Eileen
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