STOP! LOOK! AND LISTEN;
What's in a name?
A married couple at work, were expecting their first child, and they were having problems agreeing on the name for their child. They argued back and forth for months over a name for their baby, and still they couldn't come up with a name.
So, they finally decided it might be a good idea, to put up an announcement at work, and to get a few suggestions, etc. So, they put up a notice on the blackboard in the lunchroom, asking fellow-employees for suggestions, etc. It didn't take long before a few suggestions came in for the Nelson's baby which included:
1) Baby Face Nelson; (gangster/criminal)
2) Full Nelson; (wrestling term)
3) Half-Nelson; (wresting term)
Out in the streets...
Out in the streets and places around town...it's the little things in life that irritate me, etc. For example; Something that really annoys me, is when I go to a store, and I obviously go through the "IN" door...and every time, without fail...there's some knuckle-head coming OUT the "IN " door! And, when I've finished my business in the store...I leave the store through the "OUT" door...and there's always a knuckle-head coming IN the "OUT" door! Can't these knuckle-heads read?
"Today, if you're not confused...you're not thinking clearly." H. Peters
I have to be honest with the reader of this piece. I've been confused most of my life, and I don't need any help from anyone! One day, I was craving ice cream, so I went into a fast-food restraurant, when up to the counter and ordered a cone. The kid behind the counter asked me, "Sir, will that cone be for here or to go?"
"Comedy is just a funny way of being serious." Peter Ustinoff
STOP; LOOK AND LISTEN:
Nobody knows why Bill Gates of Microsoft is so successful, except Bill Gates himself. But, he has often said that he likes to surround himself with bright, creative people. My guess as to his success, is that he has set ego aside; and "listened" to all the bright and creative people he has brought in...and the rest is history! Bill Gates and Paul Allen, could have not put the monster of Microsoft together at such a young age without the help from others! And, that help came in the form of ideas from all the bright people they brought in.
So. quit talking so much about yourself...and "LISTEN" for a change, and you too, might get ideas for ordinary things and for humor as well, etc.
Everyone has their favorite singers and I have mine, too. I know the reader can't wait to see this list, so I'll share it with you.
My favorite all-time male singers are as follows:
1) Kenny Rogers; 2) Gordon Lightfoot; 3 Tony Bennet
My favorite all-time female singers are as follows;
1) Anne Murry; 2) Olivia Newton-John; 3) Alice Cooper
"I'm not confused...I'm just well-mixed." Robert Frost
STOP; LOOK AND LISTEN;
In today's fast-paced society, people are running around so fast, that they don't even know where they're going! If there were 48 hours in a day...there would still not be enough time to get everything done in a day! But, for the person who wants to get a little more humor in their life..they have to slow down a little...and set a little time aside for himself or herself, etc.
One day, I was driving home from work, and I was stopped at a red traffic light. While I waited for the light to change...I noticed an outdoor portable sign across the street in front of a dry-cleaning establiehment which read, "Drop Your Pants Here!
Pay more attention to the things around you, which don't take much of your time. Pretty soon and like anything else...you'll be doing it automatically. Keep a small spiral notebook with you, so you can capture those elusive ideas before they get away. Ideas don't grow on trees, you know! And, just as importantly...listen to the things around you...humor is all around you...you just have to look and listen for it.
"Humor is by far the most significant activity in the brain." Edward de Bono
After over 60 years on the planet Earth, I am sick and tired of making decisions in my life! Everywhere I go, I have to make a decision...and I'll give the reader a few examples;
I went to the department store, to buy a shirt and then I went up front to pay for it, and the clerk asked me, "Sir, will this be cash or charge?"
I went to the pizza joint next door, to get a pizza for dinner, and after I ordered the pizza, the clerk asked me, "Sir, do you want thin and crispy or thick and chewy?" (S-C-R-E-A-M!)
I then went to the ice cream store across the street to get some ice cream and, after ordering, the clerk asked me, "Sir, do you want a cup or a cone!"
I went next door to the grocery store, to pick up a few things, and after my groceries were checked, the bag boy asked me, "Sir, do you want paper or plastic?" (S-C-R-E-A-M!)
Erma Bombeck, one of America's best humor writers, and was once quoted as saying, "Humor is 50 times harder to write than anything else!" I agree! She was s-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-funny!
It's one thing to BE funny...and it's quite another to WRITE funny! A person has all the tools to BE funny...a pie in the face; a double-take; making funny faces; blank stare; a bowl of oatmeal over the head and so forth! But, writing funny...that's a different story! You only have the written word, to use, the best way you can. Tools in writing funny are limited...irony; exaggeration, etc. I'm just learning to write funny myself on the Internet.
So, I can only give the reader one piece of advice in writing funny...don't change back and forth...by telling the story one way...and writing it another way. Be consistant...write the story the same way you would tell it. If you're the type of person who enjoys getting "egg on your face" you'll do fine in the humor business! Trust me...I have plenty of experience in getting egg on my face!
"Sometimes I'm really confused by what I think is really obvious. But, what I think is obvious...obviously isn't obvious!" Michael Stripe
Express check-out/grocery store:
If I don't see something funny, I try to make something funny. Case in point;
Most of us have a craving for something...Mexican food; ice cream; donuts, debt, etc. One day, I had a craving for grapes (seedless/green), so I went to the store to buy some. I went to pay for them, and I thought I would have a little fun with the clerk.
The express line, has a sign for 20 or less items, so I went to the express line, and I told the clerk, "I realize I have about more than 100 items (grapes)here, but I didn't want to go to another line, so will you check me out?"
The clerk started laughing and said, "No sir..you're not over the limit, because you have one BUNDLE of grapes...not 100 individual grapes...do you understand? I think this woman thought I was crazy! When humor is done spontaneously like this, you might come away a winner with a laugh...or it might be sour grapes for you! (pun intended)
"Total absense of humor, renders life impossible." Colette
STOP; LOOK AND LISTEN;
Nobody starts out in any endeavor as a professional, and I encourage everyone, who wants to get into the humor business to do so. Just keep your pieces short, so you can memorize them, and for better delivery, etc. Example;
My name is Jerry...and sometimes I use the shortened version of my name..."Jer." When I spell-check a page on the computer...I always get a little chuckle, because the computer highlights my name and gives me a substitute word..."JERK"
(I can relate to that)
Good luck with your humor, and be patient...it will all come around if you work at it!
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