There seemed something familiar about the name Tracy Anderson when I first came across it. My immediate thought was this name belonged to one of the puppet characters from the nineteen-sixties children’s television series Thunderbirds. I was way off the mark with that as our first reactions often are, The Tracey family was the collective name of the puppet clan of heroes who episode after episode saved the earth from disaster and destruction at the hands of Alien Warlords or human criminal masterminds, Gerry Anderson was the name of the real person who created series.
Finally unscrambling my brain and getting my thoughts in gear (well it was early morning by my standards) I absorbed properly the news story that had introduced the name of Tracy Anderson to my consciousness. Chances are you also will not yet have heard of Tracey Anderson. You will ..... you so very will ..... and soon I think.
Tracey Anderson is a personal trainer and the woman who has allegedly bestowed the gift of eternal youth on the perennial self reinventer Dear Old Madge (better known as Madonna.) She is also the person responsible for poor old Mr. Madge, movie Guy Ritchie being made to feel as if he is chewing on a piece of gristle when he should be tucking into a nice, soft, moist muffin (oops, pardon!). Poor old Guy, well poor young Guy compared to his Missus actually, his attempts to be a movie maker have been about as successful as his love life.
I digress however, we should leave the Madge’s love life to the gutter press and concentrate on Tracy Anderson and her personal fitness program which promises if not quite eternal then certainly prolonged youth to its followers. Anderson claims it is The Method which has given the 50 year old Madonna the body of a twenty year old, albeit a twenty year old who demands to be photographed in very soft focus. Perhaps this explains why Mr. Madge felt snuggling up to his wife was like making love to a piece of gristle, she’d smeared all the vaseline on camera lenses belonging to the ever present Paparazzi.
If Anderson’s claims are true , The Method which only requires a couple of hours a day in the gym so it’s a cinch for the hard working career girl or busy mother, will give people who follow it a "tiny, flexible, ageless body until they are aged a hundred". It is very noticable that Anderson herself, like her most famous client, is half the size of a tuppenny fart to begin with so they both have an advantage over bigger boned folk.
Because what we all want more than anything is to shove our hundred year old crotches towards any passing camera The Method’s fitness program and dietary advice are being made available to us in book form and on DVD. In the pre – launch publicity Tracy Anderson asks as if the question is rhetorical, "Who would not want the lithe body of a dancer when they are a hundred years old."
Well me for one as I'm a rather stocky guy and would not suit tights and probably ninety percent of the adult population are with me.
All those former professional dancers forced to retire at forty because they are crippled by arthritis might have a few relevant comments too.