A Meditation On Marriage
by Jen Knox
Not "rated" by the Author.
edited: Friday, November 13, 2009
Posted: Friday, November 13, 2009
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[AFTER SIX MONTHS OF MARRIAGE]
It's been less than a year since I wrote the essay below [See Part One].
I have been married since 4/20/09
So... were my fears warranted or merely a reflection of my neurosis?
I think there's a strong argument for the later, but I am not one to impose thoughts on a reader. So, you be the judge. Here's an excerpt from a previous post:
Posted Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Usually, I do the dishes, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, and generally straighten up the apartment. In exchange, Chris does the laundry. Lately, however, my husband has been sleeping late, which means if we want our turn in the laundry rooms during the weekends, a competitive time for apartment laundry-doers, we have to get in early. In other words, I have to start the loads.
Yesterday, I hauled four loads down to the laundry room at 5AM, and as I threw clothes into the washer, haphazardly, the edge of a paper brushed my fingertip. It was a cluster of receipt paper in a pair of Chris's jeans; I pulled it out without thinking about it much (outside of some mild disappointment that it wasn't money).
When I got back to the apartment, I went to place the paper by Chris's keys, but then I noticed the writing. I got flashbacks, to men I've dated, whose pockets would likely contain a girl's phone number. Maybe two. It wasn't that I suspected Chris, but the scene itself had that bitter nostalgic taste.
As I looked at the papers closely, I felt wholly jealous. Immediately, Chris's first love mocked me in her foreign language. Yes, friends, Chris had furiously scrawled all over these papers--math problems. He was practicing Entropy on the backs of found receipts. At one time, I would have laughed, but now, after six years with Chris, I simply smiled. My husband is a workaholic.
My father, protective and understandably wary of my judgment had warned me before my marriage that, although he loved Chris, he saw definite signs of workaholism, and that it might cause problems down the line. Yet, at least right now, I find it endearing. I will never understand Chris's passion for Entropy, but I do appreciate it as he appreciates me, typing away with no regard for human life or existence around me, hours at a time. Right now, I think we're perfect for each other.
And, the current state of things, two months later?
Friday, November 13, 2009
Chris is currently on a business trip, the second this week, and I miss him. This could be considered evidence of his workoholism, or merely evidence of his company's trust in him as a representative. Either way, it's difficult for both of us when he travels so often: it means my schedule must adjust accordingly, to take proper care of the animals and ensure travel arrangements are in order. It means he is worn out and constantly making preparations. So, does this feel like a burden to me? Well...
Again, I miss him. But not too much. You see, I don't think love should be contingent on 24/7, in-your-face contact, but rather on a consistent amount of support and UNCONDITIONAL love. Sure, the husband has a few habits I'd like broken (fantasy football, cigarettes, TruTV...). And sure, there are a few things he wishes I would change (The amount of time I spend on the computer, the fact I don't cook, the fact that I forget to put on my wedding ring because I'm not used to wearing jewelry...) Moreover, I still find mathematical equations scribbled on loose sheets of paper; but hey, that's love in this house (apartment).
So far so good, right? Yeah, I think we're good. We're good.
I'll post on this again at the one year mark.
(As Always, Gotta Peddle My Memoir... It has nothing to do with marraige, everything to do with a teenage runaway who makes a lot of bad decisions. If You Want a Copy, Buy It Here: