Join (free) | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Mel Hathorn, iandrea coltman, iJames Becher, iSuzanne Tabor, iJames McClelland, iSophie Davis, iMarty Young, i
  Home > Humor > Articles
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Jerry W. Engler

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 164 titles
· 1,033 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
Member Since: Nov, 2006

   My Blog
   Contact Author
   Read Reviews

· Highly Embellished Truth & Some Poetry: Just Folks Three

· A Heartland Voice: Just Folks Two

· Just Folks: Earthy Tales of the Prairie Heartland

Short Stories
· The Hanging of the Greens

· Charmin' Carmen Finds His Soul

· Crank One Long For Central

· Oswald K. Underfoot finds a firefight treasure

· Anna Marie, You'll Be With Me

· Eddy Burnt By Harlan Medlam's Lucky Happy Birthday

· Bob-a-Long Sings a Diffferent Song

· A Flower Girl Sister Surprise

· The St. Louie Bird Call

· Wild Willy takes a bite out of Curley Red

· Geo-referencing Soil pH for Liming

· Mexican Retriever, Huh

· A Fair Love Affair

· Well, There's a Power Struggle

· Author Youtubed

· Winter for the Birds

· Desperate Self-Definition Times for America

· King Corn

· Build a jail, never fail

· Depression Can Help

· NightWake

· Mercy, My Own

· My Room

· Endure, Endure, and Endure

· Puppy Love Roast

· Dot Com

· Lamentation Comprehension

· Love Decision

· Icky Banaki Childhood Dreamland

· Corn Slumber

         More poetry...
· Jerry Engler's Just Folks now on Kindle

· Authors Galore

· Author Youtubed

· Combat Troops Reading Books

· Engler signs at state fair

· Book Distribution Increased

· Engler Guest Speaker

Jerry W. Engler, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

Conniving My Retirement
By Jerry W. Engler
Last edited: Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Posted: Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Share    Print   Save  Become a Fan
Recent articles by
Jerry W. Engler

• Geo-referencing Soil pH for Liming
• Mexican Retriever, Huh
• A Fair Love Affair
• Well, There's a Power Struggle
• Author Youtubed
• Winter for the Birds
• Desperate Self-Definition Times for America
           >> View all 47
This is one of Jerry's columns from the Hillsboro Free Press. The newspaper copyrighted it, but permission is hereby granted to reprint it if credit is given to the Free Press and Jerry. Now that's quite an assumption, isn't it--that you would be foolishly crafty enough to reprint this???



I'm planning my retirement.

I want what I earned—even what I didn’t earn.

You see, I could get us a long way toward saving Social Security for all of us if our congressmen would listen to me.

Speaking of our representatives, that’s the other side of my retirement plot—following their lead in getting money out of the rest of you before you impose that ghastly proposal of term limits on them.

That could half ruin them and me both.

Now, we all know the most basic problem of Social Security. The young people of my own and the current generation didn’t have enough children to pay the withholding tax to support old duffers like me. They goofed, and usually don’t know it.

 Like it or not, persons who want to limit population also want to believe too many people is a basic problem.

People are the basis of wealth. There have never been too many people. It’s confused with mistakes in how to distribute and use resources—part of a learning process.

For instance, we choose to use 32 acres of dwindling land resource per mile average for four-lane interstate highways perhaps without realizing the full meaning of the choice.

 Meanwhile the Japanese and Italians have discovered they need to pay subsidies to get their people to have more children.

Most nations of the world will soon face a shortage of young people, and then who is going to pay for me?

That fits with my legislative plan for alternative retirement. I don’t have to run for congress—a state legislature would do. Of course, I must win office, then get re-elected to show I stand to keep getting elected as an incumbent.

Say I had the good sense to locate in a rural county where a wealthy company wants to do something important for it. How about a pipeline across my county? They could legally show gratitude for me helping them get a tax exemption by contributing to my re-election fund, them and quite a few other companies with other goals. The possibilities are endless.

Why, I wouldn’t expose that company’s well placed generosity even if a county commission in my area asked me to appear before it to explain what’s going on. Of course, I might have to watch some other legislator choose to talk to them, and that might be irksome.

Now, I can’t spend money right away from that re-election campaign fund. That might look like something dishonest--maybe like bribery. No, but when I leave office, all of that left-over campaign money will be mine honestly and completely. I only have to serve a few terms, and I have a beautiful retirement.

Yes, I’ll have a great retirement courtesy of you. You only have to vote for me if I choose to run under the greatest, most honest slogan you’ll ever hear—I need the money!

But back to my first concern, that one if I don’t get elected, and young people don’t have more children to support me. I do have plans to save Social Security if only they would let Jerry run the world instead of being in the state legislature.

A Wall Street advisor, a Mr. Mathias, wrote in a newsletter I receive that the only two solutions to face in the Social Security situation are higher taxes or lower benefits. No, no, no, Mr. Mathias—I want my benefits untouched and my cost of living raises on time. I worked for them, and you had better realize that.

I believe there are other solutions that had better be faced if the powers that be don't want to face a rebellion.

First, they need to pay Social Security back for all of the funds they borrowed for other programs plus interest, and that better be at least at a banking passbook rate for more than a half-century.

Second, they need to see what other programs can be dissolved, including cabinet divisions such as Education and Energy, to turn the funding to maintaining Social Security.

 Social Security has been the most successful program of government limiting poverty for the elderly, and adding stimulus funds to local economies.

 Third, they need to illustrate their commitment to taking care of America's elderly by cutting their own salaries and benefits in congress, in the executive including the president personally, and in the supreme court--as poor stewards of the program, they don't deserve much. The court needs to share the pain for its decisions.

As part of this, they need to place their own retirements within Social Security to enhance their respect for their responsibilities. They can also add the pensions for all government workers including the military into the program, and eliminate those other costly pensions.

I don’t mind if the rates are brought higher to bring these people in at their accustomed levels as long as they raise Social Security rates for all of us to the same levels.

Come to think of it, let’s add corporate bonuses to the program for sure for sure.

Other than this, don’t bother me. I’m a little grumpy about my retirement.






Web Site jerry w. engler

Reader Reviews for "Conniving My Retirement"

Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by Dawn Anderson 10/26/2010
Love the humor in this, Jerry.
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 10/26/2010
Intelligent and humorous with a lot of meaning as well; thank you for sharing, Jerry. Love and peace to you,


Books by
Jerry W. Engler

Highly Embellished Truth & Some Poetry: Just Folks Three

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..

Just Folks: Earthy Tales of the Prairie Heartland

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..

A Heartland Voice: Just Folks Two

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..

Humor Articles
  1. Hi it's me, the grouchy ladybug
  2. Consequences
  3. The Toilet Seat Delima
  4. Stuff I Just Donít Get On Facebook
  5. The Element of Luck
  6. Marinating on my TV
  7. It's the Old Spice Guy: Look at Him, Now L
  8. The Atkins Schmaltz Diet.
  9. The 2000 Year Old Man
  10. A Really Dumb Joke #3
  11. Merry Atheistmas
  12. International Talk Like William Shatner Da
  13. Ten Signs It's Time To Take A Bath
  14. A Dog Story
  15. James Cagney&Bob Hope
  16. Really Dumb Joke 9
  17. Giving Directions
  18. They Were warned!!
  19. Sex, Girls and Me in the Fifties
  20. The Bible According to Kids

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.