And have you read the story of spirit T5648R, its quest for reincarnation, and the struggle with the other side’s bureaucracy? All T5648R wanted, was to be reborn as a human male anywhere outside of Greenfield, Massachusetts, a wish requiring mind-boggling efforts of filing the proper forms and following mandatory procedures. Too much red tape involved, if you ask me (and this is NOT a Southwest Airlines commercial).
What is this all about, you may ask? Well, as a writer, my mind is full of ideas for new novels. Some of these ideas make it (The Bleeding Hills and American Male Prostitute), others are either put on hold or don't make it at all. The day has only 24 hours. You may add the night, which makes another 12 hours, and you skip lunch hour. That makes 37 hours per day... if you catch my drift. Not enough time for all ideas to make it into a novel. I have kept three titles in a basket, and here are eight ideas for book titles that didn't make it:
My Love Affair With Osama Bin Laden
What? You think, the man is not attractive? Read this book, and you will find a few secrets that even the CIA would like to learn.
Diary of an Obsessive Compulsive Bitch
Does bad sex justify murder? Doesn't it drive you crazy when the service at Starbucks denies you your decaf soymilk latte? How do you get even with a roommate that puts glass chips into your toothpaste? This book addresses social issues not yet recognized by today's society.
The Poop About Pregnancy
Before you read "What To Expect When You're Expecting," and especially before you give birth, you should read this book. There are many aspects about pregnancy that your doctor doesn't want to tell you.
Victoria Beckham's Interviews With Famous Authors
Yes, Victoria has never read a book in her life, but that doesn't mean she can't maintain a conversation (or publish her memoirs). If you are curious about how she weasels herself out of a precarious situation, you must read this book.
All US Interstates Lead To Exit
A US travel guide to almost every town in America.
Maintain Your Erection
Now that you have erected the swing for your three-year-old... What? You think the title is misleading? But it sells. Right?
Have You Filed Reincarnation Form RI-98726?
This is the true story of spirit T5648R, its quest for reincarnation, and the struggle with the “Other Side’s” bureaucracy. T5648R wants to be reborn as a human male anywhere outside of Greenfield, Massachusetts, a wish requiring proper filings of the proper papers.
The idea spawned after reading the New York Times on April 29, 2009, “Hans Holzer, Ghost Hunter, Dies at 89.” Hans Holzer was an Austrian-born, American pioneering paranormal researcher and author. He wrote well over 100 books on supernatural and occult subjects. What caught my attention was his conclusion that "the other side" is very much like this side, only with more red tape. The dead who wish to return to earth have to get permission from "spirit guides", then wait in a queue and register with a clerk.
The Dead Candidate
One morning I read an intriguing article in the New York Times. Let me state upfront that it is not my intention to show any disrespect to the victims of the Jan. 8, 2011 shooting in Tucson, Arizona that left 6 people dead and 13 injured. I feel, nevertheless, disturbed by the before-mentioned article:
An Arizona Senate Race Waits to See if Giffords Emerges to Run
The New York Times, March 30, 2011 (Excerpt)
TUCSON — Representative Gabrielle Giffords is still in the hospital, but some of her most ardent backers are so enamored of the idea of her running for the Senate that they describe the inevitable campaign commercials: the deep-voiced narrator recounting what happened to her, the images of her wounded, then recovering and speaking into the camera alongside her astronaut husband to call on Arizonans to unite.
...several of Ms. Giffords’s longtime aides are whispering behind the scenes that she just might recover in time to run for the seat that Senator Jon Kyl, a Republican, is vacating next year.
While it might be wishful thinking, Ms. Giffords’s noncampaign is already having a major effect on Arizona politics; other prospective Democratic candidates say they feel compelled not to jump in unless she bows out, allowing Republicans to get a head start organizing their campaigns.
With a question mark beside her name in the Senate race, other Democratic hopefuls are working behind the scenes as carefully as they can, lining up support in case Ms. Giffords decides to stay out while taking care not to appear disrespectful to the candidate that the Democratic establishment here believes would have the best chance of winning.
I, personally, find all these rumored behind-the-curtain activities despicable, to put it diplomatically. But it also shows the ruthlessness of the political system in these United States. I mean, how far will these politicians go to assure victory? And just for the record, I call myself a moderate liberal, and my wife is a registered Republican, meaning, no, I am not out to point at a specific party.
Nevertheless, here is enough material for a new novel to write for someone with knowledge of the political scenery. Being the cynic that I occasionally am, I have come up with the perfect title: The Dead Candidate, in the nature of Dead Man Walking. I believe, it would be pure fun to write about the background activities of the MYMN (Maybe Yes, Maybe No) party waiting for their candidate, who lies in a coma, to either die or run for election, while the KEA (Kill 'em All) party is having a ball raising funds for their candidate.
In the meantime I wish Ms. Gifford and the other victims a quick recovery, physically and mentally. My thoughts are also with the people who were killed and their families.
The Monty Python Code
Professor Hubert Ringtone, America’s top specialist on religious sects, becomes an unwilling conspirator in a plot to reveal the deepest secrets of the Thetan Society, the fastest growing religious movement in the history of the world.
No! Wait! That title is already in progress… See the hyperlink below...