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Mike J Romeling

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Member Since: May, 2012

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Special Bulletin--UFO Alert
by Mike J Romeling   
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
Last edited: Sunday, May 20, 2012
Posted: Sunday, May 20, 2012

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Be very afraid

 

SPECIAL BULLETIN: UFO ALERT



As we all know, UFO is short for Undead Ferocious Otters. You may see them in many places but usually not in beauty parlors. In fact, many women frequent beauty parlors primarily to reduce their risk of encountering Undead Ferocious Otters and to smoke cigarettes. Nobody bothers you about smoking when you've got curlers sticking out of your head, and toxic foam dribbling down onto your nose.

In fact otters rank behind only wolverines and Dick Cheney for general meanness and a tendency to shoot their friends in the snout with bird shot. Imagine then what an undead otter would be like. How, you ask, do the otters become undead? Scientists disagree on this issue but are quick to point out that it has nothing to do with global warming, evolution, or the fact that Britney Spears suddenly forgot how to dance. Some evidence points to an increasing number of dead otters watching "American Idol."

Your personal safety may depend on you ability to distinguish between a regular meanie otter and an undead otter. Fortunately we have guidance here from none other than the distinguished un-naturalist and sanitation engineer, Horace Tinkleberry. "Poke em in the rear end and see if ya live to tell about it," he advises. Tinkleberry should know since, for many years, he has consistently fallen out of his own tree house.

Once you have definitely identified an Undead Ferocious Otter, you have these three alternatives:

1. Call Dick Cheney. He's still got plenty of ammo and will shoot at anything.

2. Encourage the otter to mate with a blowfish. The result will be a blotter that you can hold in front of your face to protect your eyes.

3. Disable the Undead Ferocious Otter by singing Barry Manilow songs.



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