AuthorsDen.com  Join | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: David Schwinghammer, iPaul Williams, iLannah Sawers-Diggins, ial squitieri,sr, iCheri Dohnal, iBeth Trissel, iDiana Perkins, i
  Home > Humor > Articles
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Mark M Lichterman

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 1,765 titles
· 5,370 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
·
Member Since: Jun, 2008

   Sitemap
   My Blog
   Success Story
   Contact Author
   Read Reviews

Books
· Becoming

· For Better or Worse

· The Climbing Boy


Short Stories
· BK1: Becoming; 1944#5

· BK1: Becoming; 1944#4

· BK1:Becoming;1944#3

· BK1:Becoming;1944#2

· BK1: Becoming; 1942#2&1944#1

· BK1:Becoming;1942 # 1 (Xrated)

· BK1: Becoming; 1941#2

· BK1Becoming: 1941 #1

· BK1:Becoming; 1940#3

· BK1: Becoming:1940#2


Articles
· A Jewish Boycott

· Betrayal in Benghazi

· Did You Know?

· The 2000 Year Old Man

· Social Security History

· Lost C. Burnett Skit

· THE CANDY BOMBER

· J. Carson as R. Reagan

· The Pale Blue Dot

· Listen Old Timers


Poetry
· Really, What If

· Words, I Need Words!

· Sex Now

· Smoke in The Wind

· Young

· Elderly Woman

· As Man And Woman

· Without A Woody?

· Nostalgia

· A Near Christmas Day

         More poetry...
News
· For Better or Worse now on Kindle

· Becoming Video Trailer

· Book Fair. Who's coming?

· Article in Ventura County Star 8/17/08

Mark M Lichterman, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

Draft The Old Guys
By Mark M Lichterman
Last edited: Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Posted: Friday, July 06, 2012



Share    Print   Save  Become a Fan
Recent articles by
Mark M Lichterman

• A Jewish Boycott
• Betrayal in Benghazi
• Did You Know?
• The 2000 Year Old Man
• Social Security History
• Lost C. Burnett Skit
• THE CANDY BOMBER
           >> View all 395
If you haven't seen this before, it's really funny!
If you have seen it before; what the hell, see it again because it's still funny.



 
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
 
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
 
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 am . Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. 
 
  Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.  Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
 
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl.
He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
 
Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten, coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
 
HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!!  You think MEN have attitudes??Ohhhhhhhhhhhh  my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
 
If you send this to your senior friends make sure it's in big type so they can read it.

 

 

 

Web Site mmlichterman.com
f

Reader Reviews for "Draft The Old Guys"


Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!


Reviewed by Keith Rowley 7/14/2012
Nice one Mark - enjoyed it!
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 7/9/2012
Hahahahahahahahahahaa! I couldn't agree more on both counts....I bet I could have all borders secured on my own in minutes (at time)...giggle...thanks for sharing, Mark.

Your friend,
Anna
Reviewed by John Martin 7/7/2012
Mark, you should take up prospecting...you have uncanny knack for finding pure gold and jewels. Thanks for sharing

Books by
Mark M Lichterman



For Better or Worse

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Kindle, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




The Climbing Boy

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Kindle, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




Becoming

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Kindle, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..


Popular
Humor Articles
  1. Like Grandma, Like Grandson and dealing wi
  2. Merry Atheistmas
  3. Silverstream Made Goddess Status
  4. Marinating on my TV
  5. The Toilet Seat Delima
  6. Hi it's me, the grouchy ladybug
  7. Lost C. Burnett Skit
  8. More Ponderisms
  9. Ten Signs It's Time To Take A Bath
  10. Conniving My Retirement
  11. A New Decade (Y2K Survivors)
  12. 2014 and 2015
  13. A Chuckle For You
  14. I'm Convinced!!
  15. Dad's Treasure
  16. Giving Directions
  17. Sex, Girls and Me in the Fifties
  18. Diary of a Crazy Bastard
  19. Psychology of Panties
  20. We Do Wait

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.