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Sandi Lyn Schraut

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Short Stories
· A short, not so sweet love story.

· We must think of others today

· Teaching understanding and tolerance

· My dance with breast cancer

· All in a day's work!

· Goodby to addicts!

· Big Deal Part #3

· Big Deal

· Good Chemistry

· Love Letters in Time

· The Value of truth

· Standstill

· Crack!

· Breath of Life

· True love

· A parental lament

· The dread profound

· Time Slide

· Winter frosting

· With Luck!

· The goal unsought

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Big Deal Part 2
By Sandi Lyn Schraut
Last edited: Thursday, October 31, 2002
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2002

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Recent articles by
Sandi Lyn Schraut

• We must think of others today
• Teaching understanding and tolerance
• My dance with breast cancer
• All in a day's work!
• Goodby to addicts!
• Big Deal Part #3
• Big Deal
           >> View all 25
understanding responses to self-esteem challenges

As a youngster growing up I faced many challenges to my self-esteem. Life was hard, and discipline often harsh. Rejection was a constant companion. Still, I survived and in fact thrived as an adult, becoming an over-acheiver to try to gain acceptance. Everything was by the book and I was my own worst critic, I had replaced the criticism of my parents with my own voice. I didnít expect perfection in others but in myself anything short of that lofty goal was considered a failure.

I became depressed but hid this all inside growing hugely obese (weighing in at 347 pounds) and avoiding any and all risks to my self-esteem. Four years ago, I started writing, friends encouraged me to go deep and bring out the fears and the feelings hidden deep in order to make my writing less shallow and superficial. I followed their advice and discovered me; I was not pleased with what I saw.

Inside was a woman with dreams unrealized, and unexplored. Unhappy with her life situation even though from all outward appearances she seemed content. I had six children nearly all grown. Grandchildren arrived at regular intervals that I absolutely adored, a marriage of over 30 years (to the same husband). A home, a garden envied by the neighbors, hell what more could I ask for. The truth was I wasnít honest with my family, my husband or myself. I was hiding behind the obesity.

I was restless. Writing took over with a vengeance. Suddenly new vistas appeared I dared to hope. Fifteen months ago I had Gastric Bypass surgery and lost over 170 pounds. I went from a size 26-28 to an 8-10, and self-confidence began to return. But, as I began to take risks again fears appeared, fears of failure, and conversely fears of success. So many changes happened, too many in a short time for my mind to comprehend and my emotional stability began to suffer.

Now how can both of these seemingly contradictory emotions be present? Well every time I would try something new I would find that someone would resist the change. My family became worried possibly that I would change beyond their ability to recognize me. Friends began to see me differently and it bothered them. I began to go therapy.

I dealt with childhood abuse issues long thought beyond their ability to touch me, they werenít! I dealt with the sudden intolerance I now had for being ignored by my spouse, or taken advantage of by my children. I became a computer junkie, becoming friends with the multitudes. I discovered that the friends I had were fitting into two categories. One group became the kind of friends who were probably going to be lifetime friends and the other who preyed on my need to please others to validate myself. The later has proven to be very damaging to my emotional wellbeing.

tomorrow part #3


Reader Reviews for "Big Deal Part 2"

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Reviewed by Tami Ryan 9/30/2005
You have no idea how much I connect with this piece. Sheesh, if I get started, I'll fill this whole box (yikes!)

And why haven't I read you before? Geez, I really need to get out more. (lol)

Reviewed by Caldwell Phillips (Reader) 11/6/2002
To us! ;)

A & J
Reviewed by Dallas Franklin 11/5/2002
Sandi, This is a very heartfelt and honest article. I think it's probably something many of us can relate to. We are constantly on the road to learning who we've come a long ways baby!~~~~~~~Love & Light, Dallas
Reviewed by Ron (sketchman) Axelson 10/31/2002
I am my worst critic. I finally realized I am human and make mistakes. We have a world of our own in our minds, I can love or hate, etc, etc.I worried about what people thought too much, which is really a pain in the ass.
I'm glad to say I could care less about what people think, most people's thinking could get me into trouble if you know what I mean.
I know it's harder for some of us to realize we have as much right to live as anyone else does, or we wouldn't be here.
Sandi,I hope writing does help you, it sure does me.
Reviewed by Gene 10/31/2002
My congradulations ... very well written .. I could hear you in the words you wrote..I hope Im not in the users of your frienship group...
Reviewed by Janet Caldwell 10/31/2002
Oh Sweetie,

You are one of the bravest women that I know. Bravo for you and to hell with the rest. This is very good. Love, Janet xoxoxo

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