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Phyllis Jean Green

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· Carrboro Poetica

· Above and Below

· Spinning Straw: the Jeff Apple Story

Short Stories
· Scrawny Kid Clerked at Thrifty

· Euceless Laughs, Y O U Laugh {Capice?}

· This is Your Lucky Day by Euceless Liesalot

· Christmas Fax for da Broads in da Audience

· Flashing

· Owner Will Repair Kitchen Floor {flash humor}

· Courting Able

· Amnesty International Pressing for More Anti-Rape Legislation

· Bullying has no Place in a Democracy

· Calling Dr. Mengele, Calling Dr. Mengele

· Show and Tell by Karen Vanderlaan - Review

· Valley of the Shadow by Sybil Austin Skakle - Review

· Courage in Patience by Beth Fehlbaum -- a Review

· Heart Attack Symptoms Differ for Men and Women -- Read and Share!

· If you Have Been Kidnapped or Abducted --A Letter from Someone who Cares

· RICO for Kids - Help Missing Children, U.S.A.

· Reason to Celebrate! {re O N E's impact re suffering in Africa}

· Listen to Your Muse, Then get up an' do Your Thing

· Poem an Inside Job

· Vicks, Flannel, and Great Expectations?

· Rumor January 19, two Thousand Thirteen

· Snow Night with Bird

· Gunned Down

· Shape Shifter

· Fought Tooth and Nail, I Know You {for Ellie}

· Night-Light

· We are Here to Tell You

         More poetry...
· Featured in Creative Thinkers International!

· Second Appearance in Leann Marshall's Sketch Notes

· New Appearance in The Yarn Spinner

· Bullying has no Place in a Democracy Featured at Creative Thinkers Intnl

· Poem to Appear in Sketchbook

· Poems to Appear in Sensations' 21st Century Issue

· In Richard Lee King's The Price of Freedom

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Books by Phyllis Jean Green

by 'PeaJ'~!

Every day, generous souls offer to enlarge my penis. Or rather, tell me where I can plunk my money for something that will "add not one inch, but four!" Boy-howdy. I can hardly wait. Wait a minute. I don't have a penis. Do you think they don't know? I don't seem to recognize their addresses. Maybe I should write and tell them they have the wrong party–? Naaaa. It would only lead to hurt feelings.. .

Though if they are right about the joys of Big Penishood, they are too busy impressing themselves to notice.

Actually, if we can believe physiologists and such-like, males and females have the same equipment. What goes in, goes out and what goes out, goes in? (Yikes!) Females have a vestigial penis, hoorah. It is called a clitorus. (I looked up vestigial. Far as I can figure, it means itty-bitty. Second definition something like, "too-often ignored by men who think a big penis is what's needed."). As for men's equipment, those horrid-sounding operations sometimes known as switcheroos just...turn the thing inside out--? (Yikes doesn't say it!!)

I am pretty sure I wouldn't like a ten-inch clitorus. Whether it was mine or someone else's. If I were a betting person, I would lay odds that no woman would. Unless you count the ones who think it would be cool to be on "Survival" or some other hokey "reality" show. But I'm talking about real, grown-up women. You know, the ones who have more brains than noodles in their noodles. Who don't think a hydraulic lift is newfangled cosmetic surgery.. Not that it takes a rocket scientist to figure out that having to wear a cup while playing a contact sport is among the very few hassles we women do not have to put up with. Jockstraps are soooo yesterday, dahlink. Maybe you need the bummer of having to wrap a sweater around your slacks every time your hormones heat. I can do without it, thanks. Just think. Those new French-cut panties you broke the bank for would no longer fit. And what must an extra 9+ inches weigh? Give me time, and I will think of other disadvantages to wagging a thing like that around. . .uh oh. I just did.

Talk about in the way.

Let's move along to the men, as epitomized by Sir Would-Be Stud [or Sir Studly Longwood, as he would have us call him].

Why do I have the feeling that men who are obsessed with length and girth don't know. . .anything? Okay, they know something. But. . .remember the musical, Ain' Misbehavin'?? "Give ‘em what they want, when they want it, dadadadadeedah?" Guys, if your woman is saying she wants Big, something is missing. (Besides her noodle.) An' it ain't Size. Think "Slow Dance." Think Romance. Think Whoa, Man...back up and set the mood! Light a few candles, play a little music, sprinkle a few petals. Say the Word. . .and mean it?

Think take out the garbage and pick up your socks!

If you cook, add a hundred points and never mind about the garbage.

Now this is just one woman's opinion.

No, it isn't.

Don't have to subscribe to Cosmo. Info's everywhere.

Joy of Sex how old?

The e-mail freak who won't leave you alone is trying to enlarge one thing. And it doesn't start with P.

Can you spell Bank Account?

If there is a medically-verifiable deformity involved, that is one thing. But average covers a lot of ground. And it is ground most of us are happy to cover. (So to speak.)

Spend those hard-earned bucks on flowers and a new CD.

Those don't work, buy smaller shorts and a good magnifier.

Sorry about that. Just my way of saying humor is the second-best aphrodisiac.

First has got nada, zilch, zed to do with size.

So lose the sock!

(c) PeaJ

Web Site Author-Poet-Educator Phyllis Jean Green {e-t-c:)}

Reader Reviews for "Don't Measure Mine, Won't Measure Yours {Mature}"

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Reviewed by Tom Hyland 12/16/2009

You hit the proverbial 'nail on the head' with this one!

Having been endowed with what I once thought was 'WEE' - years ago, I did send away for one of those Penis Enlargement products. It came in a 'plain brown package.' Along with the 'magical' pills came an 8.5" X 11' sheet of white paper, with actual SIZE comparisons - Small - Medium - Large ... I was elated to learn that I was AVERAGE, or Medium!

needless to say - the pills did NOT work! But, I already knew that the famous words of non other than JIMINY CRICKET were apropos - "It ain't what you got - it's how you USE it!' At age 69 - I have been what Judi Dench, as "M" referred to 007 as - a "Cunning Linguist" for about 50 YEARS!

Go read my - GRAFENBERG'S LOCUS ... just posted!

'Dirty Ole Man' ... Tom Kat ...

Reviewed by Suzie Palmer 9/27/2005
That was highly enjoyable Phyllis! Certainly couldn't stop reading from start to finish! Of interest to all, interested! Love and Light to you xox Suzie :-)'s........!!!
Reviewed by Franz Kessler 5/1/2004
Your article deals with the good old dilemma of quality versus quantity/size. It is difficult to unite both qualities. Franz
Reviewed by Tammy Cravit 4/3/2004
Entertaining and to the point. THanks for sharing!
Reviewed by Tami Ryan 9/4/2003
Ohmigod, I laughed so hard Peaj! I got yer back on this one, Honey... (Yeah, I'm sick of receiving those e mails too.)

Well said and double ditto that!

Reviewed by Janet Terry 5/6/2003
This is right on the mark Phyllis. I enjoyed reading it.
Reviewed by Rodney Bohen 3/27/2003
May I say..outstanding! I think you might be amused by my article entitled Alas vanity, dealing in butt implants and the likes!
yes, I muse daily as I recieve my penal enlargement ads thinking, do men truly subject themselves unto such ....where is the word I now grasp for in desperation?
Oh yeah, I know the answer! What a quizzicle lot we be indeed!
Yes, the focus of my daily commentary being this, the wondrous two legged beast we fondly refer to as mankind.
I'll just bet the animal kingdom finds us quite amusing indeed, except when we are chasing them in preadtory fashion and form, yes, hungering and lusting for their very blood and coat! Actually after hearing my own words sung, I think rasther they find us NOT amusing afterall!
Rodney Evan Bohen
Thank you for your kind and gracious words by the way, they go NOT unappreciated nor unnoted I assure you! and yes, I'm glad you like the stach!
Rodney Evan Bohen
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 3/23/2003
chuckle... i'm tired of those emails too,

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