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Blogs by Niki Collins-Queen
The Tao of Womanhood: Ten Lessons for Power and Peace by Diane Dreher
9/21/2009 8:51:20 AM
Lao Tsu's vision of power and wholeness in the “Tao Te Ching” balances the two mighty opposites - the nurturing energy of yin and the assertive energy of yang. Diane Dreher's insightful book “The Tao of Womanhood” combines the wisdom of the “Tao Te Ching” with practical and much needed lessons for modern women. The ten lessons include: the yin of inner peace, the yang of personal power, lessons of oneness, centering, compassion, simplicity, natural cycles, personal power, timing, courage, strength, agency and harmony.
Dreher says about women, “When taken to extremes, our concern with relationships produce overly complaint women who never think for themselves. While caring for others is essential to life, an attitude of perpetual self-sacrifice can become pathological and self-destructive...Instead of exhausting our energies by conforming to limited stereotypes or singlemindedly rebelling against them, trying too hard to be either “feminine” or “strong,” we can transcend domination by either extreme.” Her stories and exercises help to make our lives more balanced.
I found the following insights especially helpful. Despite good intentions, sometimes our nurturing weakens other people as well as ourselves. Ask yourself, “Are you nurturing people's weaknesses instead of their strength?” If someone keeps coming up with the same problem it's probably not an emergency but sloppy living. Most of the “demands” others make of us aren't really that urgent. There are different kinds of nos and some are more difficult than others. For too many people, home has become only a service station, a place to refuel before dashing off again. Sometimes we spend so much time maintaining our home we forget to enjoy it. Giving with resentment, guilt or obligation drains and depletes us. True compassion not only nurtures others it brings us greater meaning, purpose and power. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Blaming others makes you feel like a victim. Stop shaming and blaming. Instead of fixating on the problem, look for the solution. Forgiveness brings about a state of grace. Living with compassion means nurturing yourself as well as others. Entangled in external demands, we fail to exercise our creative power. Wearing yourself out to prove something demonstrate not your strength but stubbornness. Too much togetherness can feel crowded. A procrastinator often has low self-esteem and standards so high they paralyze. Replace mindless habits such as watching TV with the mindful practice of listening to music, reading, exercising, walking, gardening or working on projects. A sense of agency makes the difference between a life lived creatively or reactively, between a person who makes things happen and one who complains that things are always happening to them. A crisis contains both danger and an opportunity. Polarities like night and day are two parts of the same whole. Our Western minds too often polarize opposites either/or, right/wrong, us/them or all/nothing. The wisdom the the Toa shows us that life is not linear but circular. With insight comes greater understanding, less narrow-mindedness and separation. We are part of the natural world, where all life is interrelated. Develop a balance of activity and contemplation. We can find private moments in everything. Learn to slow down, listen to your heart, simplify and clear away the clutter. The difference between routine and ritual is our attitude. When you pay attention to the small things you can develop greater mindfulness.
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September 2009 Blogs
• The Tao of Womanhood: Ten Lessons for Power and Peace by Diane Dreher - Monday, September 21, 2009
• Transforming Trauma by Carolyn Myss and James Finley - Monday, September 21, 2009
• "Beyond the Horizon" by Colin Angus - Monday, September 07, 2009
• "Children of the Horn" by Rosie Swale - Monday, September 07, 2009
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