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Ticara Love

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Member Since: Nov, 2003

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Blogs by Ticara Love

Bewildered
5/15/2006 8:49:36 PM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]

...only voice I had a one time was my writing and I allowed someone to take that away from me for a little while. I was scared of causing problems, while I was the problem all the time cause I gave up my God given rights. My right to think, speak, feel and to love freely, especially my right of being an individual...

Yes, I'm confused what I am I suppose to do when I sat so many years quietly letting everryone think what they want of me.  I finally realize I have been like a mannican in a store front window watching the world go by.  Unable to make decisions for myself or even speak, the only voice I had a one time was my writing and I allowed someone to take that away from me for a little while.  I was scared of causing problems, while I was the problem all the time cause I gave up my God given rights.  My right to think, speak, feel and to love freely,  especially my right of being an individual separate from my mate.  A mother and wife without a voice, opinion, decisions or choice.  How did I let that happen?  The really queation is when and why?

I know I got tried of argueing and fighting especially in front of the children, then decide to make thing work not matter what happened.  So many thing happen over the years that I can't remember what really caused the change. Was it one thing or many, was it all the sudden or a slow process?  No one will ever know but God.  I can't remember when I became that sombee at home.  But I do know that when I was at work I felt alive.  I worked with the community, but I often put on a mask so that they would not see my pain and agoney that I beared each day.  Why did I let it go on so long, and why I am just recognizing after the event of this day.  I wish I only had the answers to these things and more.

Like how can  man say he loves his family yet leave them at a drop of a hat, or constantly tell his mate not to break the children spirit as he destroys hers daily (this I allowed).  I know it's my fault but what could I have done to change the event that occured during that union.  How can you fight something that you don't even suspect or see.  These thing shall hunt me as I sleep tonight, but for now all I can do is cry and pray that all will forgive me and charge it to my mind and not my heart.  For I didn't mean for any of the past events to happen the way the did.

Ticara

 



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More Blogs by Ticara Love
•  Bewildered - Monday, May 15, 2006  


Going Below The Water's Edge, Past lives, Reincarnation, Inner Self by RONALD FEHRIBACH

Rediscover the SECRETS of your mind. Your conscious and unconscious is more powerful than you ever imagined. Find out more about life, rebirth, and the real meaning of life..  
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