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Diana D.S. Karsijns

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Member Since: Jan, 2008

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Blogs by Diana D.S. Karsijns

Why is asking for help that difficult?
1/19/2008 6:14:49 AM    [ Flag as Spam or Inappropriate ]

impact for life?

I never ask for help, and I don't know why.

Maybe it is because I think I can do it on my own?

Or because in some past time I had bad experiences with asking for help.

Sometimes I suffer from that first symptom, and I think I know why. When I was about 12, my dad died. MS. My mom got into shock, and my little brother and I had to sort of keep her alive too. I made a pact with my grandma that she would back lots of the small cookies my mom loved, but then with the most fat butter she could find, lots of eggs and sugar and the full grain stuff. We kept her alive. But she always hung on me. I guess I did grow up a lot faster. On my own. And I didn't need anybody else.

There was only one in this world that made me feel a little incomplete, and yeah, he's my hubby now ;-D

Bad experiences with asking for help are probably to be devided into groups:

1) asking for help shows others that you are 'weak', and they take advantage of that - yep, some of the schoolmates did that, with money for crying out loud.

2) it shows that you don't know, and that makes others freak out - yep, lots of the schoolmates did that, because I usually knew everything, so they came to ask mé all the tough questions.

3) you have to depend on the information they tell you, and there is a change that they try to trick you - yep, my cousins did that a lot, and told me that they didn't believe the words I told them, even after I kept on repeating that I didn't say those words in vain, losing time and such.

4) you get an answer that was for a different question, the one that was in the head of the one who gave the answer, but not in your own - yep, with all the people that didn't listen good enough, and the ones that were not interested in me but in their own voice; the first group is wicked large, the second is surprisingly just a little smaller...

5) you get an answer that is more to show you that you posed a stupid question, or didn't phrase it good enough, or was asking about something you shouldn't ask about - yeah, one of my grandfathers was good at that, some elders of my church too.

6) the given answer is law, you háve to stick to that in stead of considering - yep, my mom is still trying to lay her opinions on my head, a well, I'll probably live with that the rest of my life, and usually it's in the category of good advice.

7) the answer you get, is saying nothing, leaves it still to you, is more about not wanting to help you with an answer - h'm, too bad my father in law is usually doing that.

The worst part is: that last answer I talked about, was about writing a book... My father in law just wrote a book that I was trying to read, but didn't come through because it was all something that should be sort of instinct to people. Was my opinion. Usually my opinion is way too hard to tell without some softener, so I tried to take a political way: I asked how one is able to know what 'the audience/readers/whateverbody' is in need of to know. I mean (I said too, and I realy was puzzeling about this question), how can you write down things that are instinct to yourself, that appear to be a revelation to others? Because usually those are things you just know, without really thinking about it, and you just discover those things when talking to others that try to figure out that same thing. (yeah, to keep it simple ;-( sort of ) He didn't even answer the question, or tell me to rephrase or said he didn't get the question. Later my hubby asked him too, and he said something like, 'just write it down'.

Yeah, if I should write just down what is in my head, it probably comes out like this, or like a painting, or like music, and usually way too compact, and probably all at the same time. And would be lots. Freakin' lots.

Where should I start?



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More Blogs by Diana D.S. Karsijns
•  Why is asking for help that difficult? - Saturday, January 19, 2008  


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