Blogs by Night Wing
D/s What is it, why is it
3/11/2008 7:48:12 AM
A quick overview of the lifestyle from my perspective in a 24/7 Rl relationship
Just what is D/s, the quick and not all that informative answer is that it's Dominance and submission, ok you say now what the heck is that?
Well thats a harder question since you'll get as many answers as lifestylers you talk to. I can only answer from my perspective and hope that it has some resonance in other people's relationships.
D/s is consensual, that is everything that is to happen in the line of scening, sessions or just about any form of activity that the couple might be planning is thoroughly discussed ahead of time. Subsumed in this is that both parties must be capable of giving informed conscent.
Dominants do what they do from a position of love not from fear. If a 'dominant' keeps his 'submissive' in a constant sate of fear then, to my mind, the realtionship is not D/s it's abusive.
Many people say that the Dominant is the one in charge and in control of the relationship, to a point I agree, however when it comes to the pace of sessions and the relationship I feel it's actually the sub who controls it. The sub cannot be forced into submitting more deeply than she is ready to nor can she be forced to go further in a scene than she is ready to. She also has the ultimate control over the scene, her safeword. Only once or twice has mine ever thought about using hers she didn't. I asked her why during the debrief that we have after play, she told me that she didn't want me to loose any enjoyment I got from the session. While I appreciated this, I told her that if she felt she needed to use it then I would rather have her use it and find out why she felt it was needed.
As a Dom, my reward for the scene is seeing her reactions to what I am doing, her straining against the tethers and all the sound effects that come with it. Actually the ultimate reward for a well run session is the hours of cuddle time as I slowly bring her back from subspace and then the time waiting for her to come back to reality so we can discuss what happened, well as much as she can remember, and figure out what worked and what didn't.
It's safe to assume that if she went deep into subspace then I did my end properly and there wasn't much that didnt work. Some of you may be wondering what subspace is, well being a Dom I cann't actually tell you what it feels like but from what mine tells me its a state of extacy. I would think that the endorphines that the body produces are responsible for this rather blissfull state.
I could go on forever on this topic but for more information please see:
My Message board. http://dsboard.mynight.net
pet's and my site . http://tiedby.mynight.net
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More Blogs by Night Wing
D/s What is it, why is it - Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The Lovers - Tuesday, March 11, 2008