Blogs by K.J. Stevens
1/6/2009 8:20:10 AM
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January 6th, 2008
We were on the couch. Watching the tube. Relaxing. Absorbing each other's warmth. Yes, it is sappy. No, I never thought I would look forward to evenings doing nothing with my wife, let alone have a wife at all. But there is nothing quite like it. Being warm with the one you love. Just the two of you on this big ball of dirt that keeps spinning round and round.
“The baby's doing flips!” she said.
It was December 22nd. Nine twenty-eight pm.
“Really? You can feel it?”
“Yep, it's doing them right now.”
And that's when I noticed it. Brooke's face alight with whatever is that pregnancy has done to her. The smile. A brightness in her eyes. She keeps saying she doesn't feel comfortable, that she's getting fat, that she hates feeling so tired, but I think she's more beautiful than she's ever been. I don't know if it's hormonal or something innate, but these days all I want to do is hug her, kiss her, have her near my side. Probably some animal instinct men have. Proud of their mate. Wanting to protect her and the offspring. Whatever it is, it's a nice high spot in the road.
Of course, that doesn't always bode well with a pregnant woman. Some days the last thing she wants or needs is some goofy, round-headed husband pawing at her. I realize this, so I am being careful to weigh my actions and words, trying to give her time to herself. To keep my distance when necessary. But boy, she's got me reeling.
So we are pregnant. She gets to do all the hard work. Carry around the weight. Feel the pain. Be uncomfortable in her own skin. She is the one that gets poked, prodded, tested. Has to answer the same questions over and over and over again. How far along are you? How are you feeling? Do you have morning sickness? Is it a boy or a girl? Are you going to breastfeed? Have you picked out any names?
All I have to do is be here. Listen. Give back and shoulder rubs. Keep myself, Julian and the pets from driving her crazy. Pick up around the house. Do the right things. I've got it easy. And I feel guilty about it most days because I'm excited, want to rub her tummy, talk to the baby, and walk around with a big dopey grin.
But there is much more to it. With a new baby comes more responsibility. I'm up for it, don't get me wrong. As a matter of fact, I'm looking forward to the ups and downs, the challenges, the learning and growing that all of us will experience. It's only now I realize that I need to step it up a notch. Being a stay-at-home Dad is great. It is good for Julian, saving us money, gives us peace of mind, but I also need to start raking in some dough. The job searching is going great, it's the job finding that's not going so well. I thought I'd bagged a couple of gigs by now, but always at the last minute I learn otherwise. I'll keep at it. Find something sooner or later.
I'm starting to take the writing more seriously. No longer is it only a way for me to unwind, feel good, stay balanced. Now it has taken on new meaning. I have been working hard, doing research, trying to find magazines and journals to submit to. Gone are the days of sending out half-assed submissions with the insane idea that my writing will shine through and dazzle. Now, it is about the business of writing. Doing it right. Taking the necessary steps to get published so that we can pay bills. Having this child might be the catalyst to jump-starting a fine writing career. But we'll see. It's early in the game. Anything can happen. For all I know, I could end up being a stay-at-home Dad during the day and flipping burgers at night. Something we've seriously discussed, but aren't quite ready for. Not because it's flipping burgers, but because it would mean we'd not spend much time together. And a marriage is not a marriage if you are not spending time together. Eat together. Play together. Pray together. Sleep together. That's what our pastor was getting at when she brought us together and I aim to follow that lead. Time, believe it or not, is worth more than money.
So, the blogs will not be as plentiful. I will focus more on the stories. I will put more effort into researching and submitting. I believe I can make a living at this writing thing. I know that my family will be okay. I will do whatever it takes to make sure all of us are safe, have what we need and are happy. Sure we're on the tightest of budgets and aren't living as well as our friends and family, as far as material things go. But when we sit down at night after the day has settled and it's just husband and wife warm together on the couch, it is a glorious thing. So far, so good. Onward into the unknown. Happy and focused on the good. We will definitely keep at this keepin' on.
Best to you and yours,
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More Blogs by K.J. Stevens
baby flips - Tuesday, January 06, 2009
somehow - Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Landscaping - Wednesday, December 03, 2008
the good - Monday, December 01, 2008
christmas lights - Sunday, November 30, 2008
giving thanks - Thursday, November 27, 2008
a natural inclination - Thursday, November 20, 2008
ache like this - Wednesday, November 19, 2008
have and need - Monday, November 17, 2008
out the window - Sunday, November 16, 2008
Dad - Wednesday, November 12, 2008
let it snow - Monday, November 10, 2008
another day - Sunday, November 09, 2008
four o'clock mornings - Saturday, November 08, 2008
we did - Wednesday, November 05, 2008
a morning like this - Wednesday, October 29, 2008
good in this world - Thursday, October 23, 2008
wherever you are - Monday, October 20, 2008
the lottery - Sunday, October 19, 2008
the threat - Thursday, October 16, 2008
promise - Wednesday, October 15, 2008
swinging an ax - Tuesday, October 14, 2008
sweet bounty - Wednesday, October 08, 2008
stretch of day - Tuesday, September 16, 2008
ripples - Saturday, September 13, 2008
balance of the world - Wednesday, September 10, 2008
yard work - Monday, September 08, 2008
deep cleaning - Friday, August 29, 2008
tucked away - Thursday, August 28, 2008