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Bob Hicks

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Blogs by Bob Hicks

The joke's on me
9/22/2004 10:54:34 PM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]

"Didja ever get the feelin' that ya wanted to go... and then ya got the feelin' that ya wanted to stay?"<< I don't know if that was a legitimate song, or just a little ditty made up by Jimmy Durante, but it sure nails the way I sometimes feel with 'Miss Holloway'. She seems to have taken up the old folks' game of "I'll pretend to be sleeping, and catch someone doing.... something." Heshie did that quite a lot in his last years, but toward the end, the trick back-fired more often than not, and he'd actually nod off. And then he'd wake up sputtering, 'cause he'd missed whatever was going on (which was seldom more than the evening news).

This evening, after a hard day of re-roofing a house, I came home, cleaned up, and began preparing dinner; garlic pork stir-fry, one of Miss Holloway's favorites. I was worn out and had a little headache (63 year-old men should not be shingling roofs in the first place, but my paltry retirement income necessitates augmentation, and so I... augment). Anyway, I didn't feel the least bit like preparing a meal... or even like eating one, had someone else prepared it. But the ancients need nourishment, and Miss Holloway, left to herself, will generally either fill up on peanut butter, or simply lie under her yoyo quilt dreaming her dreams.

While getting things together, I discovered there were no water chestnuts in the cupboard. Now, I don't know about anyone else, but Miss Holloway likes water chestnuts in garlic pork stir-fry. Off to the neighborhood store. But first, a surreptitious peek confirmed that Miss H. was napping on the front porch sofa. No need to awaken her until dinner time, so I exited... stealthily... so as not to disturb her. As I was pulling up to the house, sixteen minutes later, Miss H. was just driving away (she still drives occasionally, because her ophthalmologist said she could... she can't, and shouldn't). She rolled down the window and said, "I'll be right back." OK... because Miss Holloway is my landlady and friend, and not related to me, I can't stop her... I just hope she gets back in one piece.

Shred the pork, season with sesame oil and Worcestershire, heat the pan, pour in a little peanut oil... do all the things to make a nice garlic pork stir-fry (and don't forget the water chestnuts). Steam the rice, set the table while the pork browns, pour a little white zin (Miss Holloway does like 'just a taste' with dinner... and maybe 'just a taste' of iced vodka with an olive at bedtime. A hint: keep the vodka in the freezer... no ice required). Miss Holloway drove into the driveway just as I was thickening the sauce and, as she entered, said, "I won't be able to eat anything... I finished the leftovers from the other night." HUH?? WHEN?? She said she'd heard me leave and thought I was out for the evening, so she just ate "whatever I could find." This little old lady who sleeps under her yoyo quilt all day, and takes twenty three minutes to come to the table when I announce dinner... in less than sixteen minutes, managed to 'awaken', rummage through the refrigerator, devour a huge portion of Caeser Salad with chicken, rinse the container, get into her car and exit the driveway as I was returning from the store because she 'thought' I was slipping out. I never leave at dinnertime. And never leave 'for the evening' without speaking to her, or at least leaving a note. Oh... did I mention that Miss Holloway suffers profound hearing loss? She couldn't possible have heard me leave. Methinks she was having a little joke, and pulling a 'Heshie' on me... not sleeping at all, and just waiting to 'catch' me at... something. Yeah, Jimmy... sometimes I do get the feeling that I want to go. It will pass.

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More Blogs by Bob Hicks
•  The joke's on me - Wednesday, September 22, 2004  
• Insperation - Tuesday, July 27, 2004
• Decency? Where??? - Sunday, May 23, 2004
• trees' company - Saturday, May 08, 2004
• In reference to some recent blogs: - Thursday, April 22, 2004
• old songs, old maps - Saturday, April 10, 2004
• Preantipenultimate - Sunday, March 21, 2004
• Keepers - Friday, March 19, 2004
• FURD 1... on the Internet. - Thursday, March 18, 2004
• driving without a clutch - Thursday, March 04, 2004
• Words for Sale - Tuesday, March 02, 2004
• mundane - Tuesday, February 17, 2004
• by any other name - Wednesday, January 21, 2004
• Go Figure - Sunday, January 04, 2004
• One of a kind - Friday, January 02, 2004
• First time - Thursday, January 01, 2004

Passports to Hell by Terry Vinson

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