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Elizabeth B Weeks-Rowe

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The dating world; an analyst's perspective
10/18/2008 1:08:00 PM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]

Hilarious and Horrifying Stories of our dating triumphs and debacles, wtih advice gleaned from years in the dating trenches.
• Definition of Subjective-
o not impartial: based on somebody's opinions or feelings rather than on facts or evidence

o - existing by perception: existing only in the mind and not independently of it
Subjective is defined as “not impartial: based on somebody’s opinions or feelings rather than fact or evidence. Existing by perception: existing only in the mind and not independently of it.”
Our perceptions are inherently subjective, comprised of our thoughts, and experiences, refined by a lifetime of self scrutiny and reaction, supplemented by feedback and assessment from others, which is unfortunately not consistently accurate or honest. One would assume that most rational, intelligent adults would possess a fairly accurate perception of themselves, their appearance, demeanor, and would therefore present an honest description of said perception, when requested. Well you know what they say about “assuming” anything, and this is infallibly applicable to the world of on line dating. The subjective perceptions of appearance and demeanor, freely provided by millions of subscribers to various internet dating web sites, vary from significantly underestimated to glaringly dishonest, making the already precarious navigation of said medium prohibitively daunting in the attempt to filter truth from untruth. All we girls have for a basis of determination in a potential matches profile is what they have detailed before us. And the most subjective and abused category on a user’s (men) dating profile is the descriptor of body type. There are various categories to describe one’s build, “athletic and toned”, “average”, “slender”, “a few extra pounds”. And these descriptors are used liberally in the subjective sense, i.e. dishonestly, to compensate for body type deficiencies. I must have missed the memo that provided a blanket exemption for the use of “athletic and toned” to describe an individual with a beer gut. A hard stomach does not include a basketball sized abdomen disguised under a conveniently baggy shirt, courtesy of Pabst Blue Ribbon and fried cheese sticks. An athletic lifestyle is not inclusive of beer pong and channel surfing, though I am sure strong and developed index fingers from frequent channel changing reps would cause the strongest hearts to swoon. Don’t post “athletic and toned” pictures from your high school yearbook on your dating profile, when you were sculpted and sharp from Varsity football and photo shop out the mullet with a current facial view. If you are hoping that your charming email repartee will sway us so definitively that when the first meet occurs, the real “you”, (dishonestly portrayed and 20 lbs heavier), won’t matter, then you are severely mistaken. And while you mutter and moan over how superficial we are, you must realize that this has nothing to do with superficiality and everything to do with honesty. While looks matter to some extent, reality dictates that once one ventures beyond the 20s, age and gravity set in, complete with figure flaws. And most discerning girls would much rather spend time with someone who may not look like Brad Pitt, 12 pack and all, but who is witty, attractive and kind, with the temerity to present an honest profile from the onset.

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More Blogs by Elizabeth B Weeks-Rowe
•  The dating world; an analyst's perspective - Saturday, October 18, 2008