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Kage Alan

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Member Since: Jun, 2009

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If I’m So Popular, Why Won’t Ellen’s People E-Mail Me?
3/10/2011 5:06:29 AM    [ Flag as Inappropriate ]

Sharron Stone called me last night to set up lunch. Okay, she didn't, but she would have if she actually had my phone number. Popularity is a funny thing for an author. Why? Because we really don't necessarily have it, but it's fun to think about.
It never ceases to crack me up when someone IMs or e-mails me and makes the comment about how nice it is that a famous author is talking to them. The first thing that always goes through my mind is “Who the hell are they talking about?” Fortunately, these folks are generally from overseas, so they’re not on crack. They’re simply misinformed.

There’s kind of a mystique about writers and an assumption that we lead lives shrouded in mystery, are wealthy beyond imagination and that we might sometimes on occasion base characters in our books on people we know in real life. Eh, one out of three ain’t bad.

We’re actually not so mysterious. In fact, we pretty much have opinions about everything just like everybody else, only we censor some of them. Not all of them. Just some of them. I attended a Pride Fest where there were several gay authors signing and one particular author was approached by a fan of another author.

“Oh, I just love (name)! Do you read his books? I just read (name) and it was the best!”

To which that author politely suggested, head wiggle and all, “Then, bitch, go over and talk to that author!”

Yeah, unless you’re going to brag that you gave that other author crabs and we can help spread the rumor, then it’s best to keep your high praise FOR that author. We already know his/her work and reputation and while we wholeheartedly support our fellow GLBT/LGBT writing peers, piss off if you’re not going to blow smoke up our ass! =) Okay, we might be a little catty, too.

Honestly, though, some of the best times I’ve had have been shooting the proverbial Shiatsu with other authors. Want to look at eye-candy and discuss it? Sit with Alan Chin for a couple of hours. Want to talk about everything from life and love to sex and liberty? The lovely G.A. Hauser will have you laughing until it hurts! Hate SPAM e-mail and AT&T? Dorien Grey is your man.

And none of us are rich. Heck, most of us work day jobs and, believe me, our co-workers aren’t fawning all over us because we’ve published some books and get the occasional e-mail and review from someone who enjoyed our work. We’d like them to, only they refuse to acknowledge our perceived superiority.

There are a couple of folks who do very well for themselves and have attained popularity, only they’re just like everybody else. Some of us met Armistead Maupin (Tales of the City) and you’d never have known the man had such a prolific career because he was so casual and jovial. He really was just one of the guys and an overall pleasure to observe. I also met Christopher Rice. Talk about a poster boy for good looks and coming from money! The truth is all he wants to do is write, get his work out there and have opinions based on the merit of his work, not his face and name.

I think being noticed on the street would be kind of scary. It’s not like somebody’s going to run out of a Starbucks and yell out “Kage…dude…I loved that alliteration you did on page 157!” Oh, please. Make like William Shatner and get a life! Hell, I can’t even get Ellen’s people to send me a rejection e-mail for my idea of having me on the show. See? I’m not even popular enough to get a rejection letter.

Actually, I can kind imagine the conversation if someone ever recognized me walking with Pookie outside of a signing:

“Hey, isn’t that Kage Alan, that comedy author? Did you see him and his Asian partner?”
“Yeah. That is one seriously whipped white boy.”

It’s funny…because it’s true.

_____________________

Kage Alan is the Smile.DK-listening, entirely non-award winning author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a new series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He is diligently writing the second book in they Gaylias series because he’d enjoy a time in his life when he doesn’t have to get up for work in the morning.


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More Blogs by Kage Alan
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Seeds Of Hope: A Series Of Three Books by Inspire Hope

These series of books will awaken you spiritually,these books will encourage you to begin if you have not already begun to walk in your purpose and destiny. In spite of the many ro..  
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