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Kage Alan

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Grandparents: The Myth of Peaches and Bullsushi
1/12/2012 3:30:34 AM

Ah, grandparents. They're sugar and spice and everything nice. What utter bullshit for some of us! At least we can laugh about it, though. Or can we?
Grandmothers are believed to be warm, kind, cookie-making wisdom-sharers willing to embrace the future while keeping us grounded by reminding us of our past. Can’t you just smell the ham or turkey cooking in the kitchen and the sweet voice of reason reminding us why should keep perspective on life when things don’t go our way? Ah, and what a shame it’s all just a bunch of bullshit. It’s the thing Grimm’s fairy tales are made of. In the same way that I’ve come to realize my parents are just as messed up as everybody else–in a good way, mind you–grandparents seem to have it a bit worse…and they’re still related. (gasp!)

I find that the older I get, the more set I become in my ways and I imagine this won’t change. It’ll get lots worse and won’t that be fun??? The irony is that as set as I am in my ways–what time I like to get up, go to bed, when I like to grocery shop, how long I’ll let an employee at Best Buy talk to me before I send them on their way etc–the more open-minded I’m getting. Experience has been kind to me in that I’m more likely to look at a situation from another perspective as opposed to going into stubborn, closed-minded mode. Again, this could change. We’ll see. It probably will.

My experience with grandparents as a whole has been pretty lackluster. My father’s mother passed away while I was still in grade school. I do remember her as a kind, affectionate woman, which I find remarkable considering what a borderline sadistic prick of a husband she was married to. Grandpa never changed, even after we stopped speaking to him when I was 12. I’m actually relieved that my father no longer remembers the horrors of growing up in that family. The Alzheimer’s has done him a service and allows him to remember a life he’s made up because he thinks it’s just like everybody else’s. It’s the one damn good thing to come out of the disease.

When it comes to my mother’s side of the family, well…her side makes dad’s side look the Cleavers in their behavior. Mom’s father also passed away when I was in grade school and based on what I’ve heard, it wasn’t much of a loss. There was one less wife-beating, alcoholic womanizer on the planet. Grandma’s second husband wasn’t a physically abusive drunk, but rather verbally so. He passed on and she married the best of the three. Unfortunately, he passed away a couple of weeks ago.

Pookie’s Grandmonster is the stuff Stephen King novels are made of, but she loves her grandson with a fierceness I’ve yet to see with anyone else. It’s taken almost 17 years for her to accept the fact I’m in the picture and not going anywhere. She also realizes that while I may spread rumors about her behind her back, I’m going to be nice to her face. My mother taught me right! She’s going to get another chance at feeding my white ass to the fishes in a couple of weeks, so let’s hope she’s mellowed a bit between now and then. It’s said that when Hell is full, the dead will walk the earth. Sometimes hell doesn’t want one particular individual, so she’s forced to stay here and irritate the shit outta me.

As for my own Grandmother, we stopped speaking 15 years ago. It seemed important at the time, but not really so much now. In all honesty, I’m not sure why we’ve maintained a grudge. Grandma dropped off a cake, small gift and card to my mother a year and a half ago when she (mom) turned 60. It was the first contact they’d had in 15 years, too. Mom wasn’t going to respond, but I suggested that it couldn’t hurt. Grandma was reaching out, so why not meet her halfway even if nothing else came of it. At least they’d both have the satisfaction of trying.

Their relationship has improved a bit, but there have been a few complications. First, Grandma’s note to my mother included a bit about things coming between their mother/daughter relationship. That thing, as I read into it, is me. Mom missed that at first and didn’t think it was so. However, a year ago Christmas, my folks were invited along with the rest of the family to attend a holiday gathering at grandma’s. Mom wanted me to go with them, only I asked for confirmation that I was invited. She didn’t think that was necessary, but called grandma anyway and asked. I was not invited.

Mom and I talked about her giving the relationship with grandma a year, then addressing the issue if it wasn’t resolved by the time the year was up. That year has come and gone. I decided this past Monday to break the silence. Call me slightly chicken, but I waited until I knew grandma was at an appointment, then called and left her a polite message suggesting that perhaps we meet for lunch and just talk.

There’s been no return call.

Finally, as I started writing this post (it’s Wednesday evening right now), my mother called to say that they’d stopped by grandma’s tonight and she passed a note along to them for me. My folks are on their way over to drop it off and I have no idea what it says or what to expect. Maybe she needed some time to think about what she wanted to say or maybe, like me, she didn’t want to falter on the phone, so she chose her words carefully on paper. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Will it be the fairy tale ending or a Grimm’s ending? Or maybe she’s been talking to Pookie’s Grandmonster. God help me if the two of them start plotting my demise…
________________________

Kage Alan is the Aliens watching, Ke$ha listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He expressed surprise that he’s actually met as many of the Aliens cast as he has, though he’s still patiently waiting to meet Bill Paxton, especially because he has a group photo from Near Dark that needs a photo from the man.


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• What We Leave Behind II: The Postcards - Thursday, April 25, 2013
• what We Leave Behind - Monday, April 22, 2013
• The Face of Gay 31 (Sharita Lira) - Saturday, April 20, 2013
• Walkabout: Manhattan - Thursday, April 18, 2013
• Dear Self, Let’s Talk About the Last Couple of Months, Shall We? - Monday, April 15, 2013
• CBP: Cheers, Fears and the New Sedaris-Fearing-Gay-Writing Mafia - Saturday, April 13, 2013
• Men, Tetris and Living Life By the 4 ‘H’s - Thursday, April 11, 2013
• Dynasty or Dynastud: The Multiple Soul Mate Quandary - Monday, April 08, 2013
• The Face of Gay 30 (Moxie Ann Magnus) - Saturday, April 06, 2013
• So What Do You Think Happens After? - Thursday, April 04, 2013
• The Rules of Mourning (Or Lack-Thereof) - Monday, April 01, 2013
• Kage Alan & His Flying Robot! - Thursday, March 28, 2013
• Wanted: Outback Steakhouse in the Afterlife - Monday, March 25, 2013
• The Face of Gay…Er…Bi 29 (Wayne) - Saturday, March 23, 2013
• A Voice in the Present Becomes a Voice in the Past - Tuesday, March 19, 2013
• The Waiting Game - Monday, March 18, 2013
• Classic Blog Post: From Finland With Love - Saturday, March 16, 2013
• The Why Behind Why I Blog - Thursday, March 14, 2013


Sons of the Sphinx by Cheryl Carpinello

When 15-year-old Rosa agrees to help the ghost of King Tut find his lost queen Hesena, she doesn't count on falling for him. And these two teenagers, 3,000 years apart, must battle..  
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