Blogs by John H Bidwell
My dog Lucky
10/20/2006 4:43:11 AM
My Dog Lucky
I want to talk about a Black Lab I used to have named "Lucky."
I would take Lucky out...and first thing walk back and forth along our side yard for as long as it took until Lucky left a huge poop in the yard, then I would mistakenly believe it was safe to take her for a walk...but no. I would take her about half a mile and she would let go with another poop, another big one...always always right smack in the middle of the street. I am crossing the street with this animal and it stops dead in it's tracks and starts the poop and I just can't believe it.
We are both on display...it can't be more conspicuous.
Lucky starts doing the little poop crouch jig there, always counter clockwise...finding the absolute perfect spot to land the load. Honest to God her butt in the road it looked like she was trying to screw the poop into the pavement.
We dog owners are in our own world...we say things like..."So is your dog a clockwise or a counterclockwise poop jigger?
Now you know what we're talking about.
Now there's this huge pile of poop in the road and everybody knows...because everybody saw who did this. My dog.
It got so bad the neighborhood used my dog's poop for land marks.
They'd be giving directions... "You turn right on Lake Shore Drive, go 4 blocks...and make a left at Lucky's poop.
That's Chesapeake. You take that road until you pass 2 more piles of Lucky's poop, and it's the red house on the right."
Lucky must have watched Michael Jackson doing his moon walk thing because she would do some kind of running/dancing thing in the yard...and she is scraping up the yard...grass flying, sticks flying, rocks, dirt...but she isn't getting anywhere.
Have you seen dogs do this thing?
What do you call that?
There has to be a name so you can answer when someone asks, "What's your dog doing?"
You just look at it embarrassed as heck...ah...it's having a seizure.
Don't you wish you could train a dog to do that on the "Welcome" mat? It wouldn't track mud in the house.
Dogs embarrass us, and that is really stupid. Now I'm a dog owner and dog lover so I should be allowed to say this...Why should we be embarrassed because dogs are so stupid?
You want proof of how stupid dogs are?
The choke collar.
People are stupid too. I'm talking about the people who say choke collars are cruel to the dogs.
It is the dogs who are cruel to the dogs...because they are so stupid.
People don't choke dogs with choke collars. The dog is in total control. All it has to do is walk by it's man, no problem...but no...they have to smell something NOW!
Seems like anything will do. A dog will choke itself for an hour's walk along a forest path.
I'm walking the dog, casual pace-we will complete this entire trail in an hour, plenty of opportunity to smell every single tree, rock, other dog butt, other walkers, but the dog is straining, choking, for what?
I figured once, what the heck, I let the dog go. I don't know what happened to that dog but I told myself, "Never again."
Now if you put a choke collar on me there is nothing on earth I would choke for. No food, bathing beauty, TV remote, Porsche keys, nothing.
I'll wait for the bathing beauties to come to me. Some things are worth waiting for.
So dogs are this stupid, and we are embarrassed?
It's not like we could have found a smarter dog.
Dogs are like women. Men can't win. Can't.
We thought choking to death would deter pulling. Honest mistake.
We could never have foreseen the stupidity.
I've made honest mistakes like that with women. Gets me in the dog house.
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I Loved A Lesbian - Sunday, December 20, 2009
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