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sandy steele

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Member Since: Aug, 2011

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Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics
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Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics satirizes and lampoons thirteen famous short fiction works that are given new adult spins...  
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Blogs by sandy steele

Where are all the cowboys on Rodeo Drive?
10/5/2011 4:09:21 AM
Sandy Steele's dog Susie Says

Nip and Tuck

It's Saturday morning and Sandy decides we need to go down to the pool at the hotel and order a little breakfast. Sitting in a cabana, which is a high-priced tent, a waiter delivers our luscious breakfast. Eggs Benedict for mom and grilled sausage and scrambled eggs for me. Now back home, Sandy would never let me have something like this, but we're on vacation. Yummy! I love the “Beverly Hills Hotel.”

Next, we go to some cowboy drive named for a Rodeo. I'm very disappointed when I don't see any cows or horses when we arrive. Walking down the drive, all mom does is look in windows while the people just look at each other. Something to do with celebrity sightings. Finally we go into a store that sells shoes and such called Gucci. Sandy has me on a short lease, but I still get to check out the place. Soon, a cute blonde woman stands next to me with a tiny girl dog stuck in her purse. I tried to start a conversation, but all she does is look at me like I'm a hick. Her mom is from France and named Paris.

Sandy decided that while were here in La La land, that she's going to take me to a local veterinarian for a check-up. I love going to the vet because I always get a delicious treat. Now the office for the dog doctor is a lot different than back home. Everyone is dressed up to the nines including the cats and dogs. Soon a nice lady helper takes Sandy and me back to another waiting room. Seems like a maze in here. Finally, another doctor in a white coat comes in and greets us. He explains that he'll do a complete check-up and make sure everything is A-OK. I'm waiting for my treat.

After looking down my throat, feeling me-up, and weighing me, the doctor has a worried look on his face. “Ms. Steele, I feel that we have a number of issues with Susie that need to be resolved. First, her throat is sagging, her belly is sagging, her eyes are sagging, and lastly, her one ear is sagging. How long are you in town for?”

Now, I've had one ear sagging all my life caused from living in the wild before Sandy rescued me. I like it! Kind of gives me character. So don't mess with my ear.

Soon a lady vet came in to join the doctor with an analysis of everything that needed to be done along with the cost. They call it plastic surgery. I sure don't want some kind of toy stuck in me somewhere!
First, I need a nose job because my snout is too long. Second, a tummy tuck is necessary because my belly hangs down an extra inch or so. Last, my “folding” ear needs to be straighten “straight-up” so it doesn’t hang down in my face. The hell with the treat. I need to get outa here!

After seeing the “bill” for all of this and looking at my forlorn face, thank God, Sandy decided to grab me and escape this Frankenstein factory. On the way out, I met a white poodle named Pete that had been neutered years ago. His mom suddenly decided that he didn't look manly enough, so she brought Pete in for an operation today. Seems he's getting something called a “neuticles” which is putting in fake testicles to replace the real ones he'd lost earlier. Now, I know what you're thinking, but I swear all of this is true. Google it... if you don't believe me!

Sandy decided that after the stress of this morning, we needed to hit the ocean. While relaxing on Santa Monica beach, we saw a Golden Retriever on a surfboard riding the waves and hanging eight. I swear!

Catch you later,

Sandy and Susie
P.S. An alien from outer space comes down to Earth. He observes a dog and his owner walking on the beach. The dog takes a poop while the man follows behind scooping it up. Whom should he ask, “Take me to your leader.”

For more info on Sandy & Susie go to: www.sandysteele.com
To see all their blogs go to: http://sandy-steele.blogspot.com






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More Blogs by sandy steele
• Harry and the Snowman - Wednesday, November 09, 2011
• A moon walk that Mike would like - Thursday, November 03, 2011
• To trick or treat? - Thursday, October 27, 2011
• Hold the ice cream sundae - Wednesday, October 19, 2011
• Gone but never forgotten - Tuesday, October 11, 2011
•  Where are all the cowboys on Rodeo Drive? - Wednesday, October 05, 2011  
• Hollywood here I come - Tuesday, September 27, 2011
• 100 miles to the bushel - Wednesday, September 21, 2011
• Beauty Contest - Wednesday, September 14, 2011
• Fall was in the air... - Wednesday, September 07, 2011
• Manhattan Maggie - Thursday, September 01, 2011
• It's not Calculus - Thursday, September 01, 2011
• Those geniuses in Washington - Tuesday, August 23, 2011
• My dog's first blog.. - Wednesday, August 17, 2011


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